Film Review: Star Trek (2009)

Also known as: Star Trek XI, Star Trek Zero, Corporate Headquarters, The Ernest Castelhun Chronicles, Untitled Walter Lace Project, Star Trek: The Future Begins (working titles), Star Trek: The Beginning (South Korea),
Release Date: April 6th, 2009 (Austin premiere)
Directed by: J. J. Abrams
Written by: Robert Orci, Alex Kurtzman
Based on: Star Trek by Gene Roddenberry
Music by: Michael Giacchino
Cast:  Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Karl Urban, Zoe Saldana, Simon Pegg, John Cho, Anton Yelchin, Leonard Nimoy, Bruce Greenwood, Eric Bana, Ben Cross, Winona Ryder, Chris Hemsworth, Clifton Collins Jr., Rachel Nichols, Deep Roy, Tyler Perry, Victor Garber (scene cut), Brad William Henke (scenes cut)

Spyglass Entertainment, Bad Robot Productions, Paramount Pictures, 127 Minutes

Review:

“Don’t pander to me, kid. One tiny crack in the hull and our blood boils in thirteen seconds. Solar flare might crop up, cook us in our seats. And wait’ll you’re sitting pretty with a case of Andorian shingles, see if you’re still so relaxed when your eyeballs are bleeding. Space is disease and danger wrapped in darkness and silence.” – Dr. Leonard ‘Bones’ McCoy

I’ve loved the Star Trek franchise as long as I can remember. However, nothing has really resonated with me since the end of Enterprise in 2005. This film was an attempt at rebooting the franchise and altering the timeline so that it wasn’t forced into having to work within the framework of already established canon. I wouldn’t call that the best idea, as Star Trek has such a rich mythos that it doesn’t need to be rebooted, there are unlimited ways to tell stories within a franchise this large. But a reboot is what we got because Hollywood is gonna Hollywood.

That being said, for what this is, Star Trek isn’t a bad motion picture. It’s an unnecessary one but I did want to give it a shot because if this was all the Trek I was going to get, I wanted to try to make the best of it.

This could have been better though. They hired the wrong guy to direct, as he just wanted to make Star Wars movies, which he would later do, and wasn’t a fan of Star Trek and didn’t really understand what it needed to be in contrast to what Star Wars is.

The director, J. J. Abrams, also made some strange stylistic choices in how he made the Enterprise look and how he went absolutely ape shit with the use of lens flares and lighting. The film is almost headache inducing at times.

As far as the story goes, the altering of the timeline really seems moot, as there are things that are different before the moment of that alteration. I’m specifically talking about the time Enterprise was already in space before Kirk showed up, as well as Spock’s previous service on the ship and Captain Pike’s role in everything.

Additionally, the story really seems to be a rehash of Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope, which Abrams would also heavily borrow from for his first Star Wars movie, Episode VII – The Force Awakens. But this is the same guy who also borrowed heavily from E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial for his picture Super 8. It all kind of makes me wonder what his next Star Wars film will heavily borrow from.

In the realm of Star Trek movies, this is better than the worst films that came before it but it doesn’t come close to the greatness of Wrath of KhanThe Voyage HomeThe Undiscovered Country or First Contact. As its own film, separate from the series, it is a fun, space action movie. I will give it that. It is a good adventure and a better than average popcorn movie but we’ve seen this all before and done much better.

In retrospect, I’m pretty happy with most of the casting. I never liked the idea of anyone else ever playing the original crew but that bad idea is salvaged fairly well with most of the cast choices. I like Pine as Kirk, Quinto as Spock and Urban as Bones. However, I just don’t see how they will ever have the chemistry that Shatner, Nimoy and Kelley had. But since this series was cancelled after the third film, I guess we’ll never see what develops between the three men over the long haul.

But this film also diminishes McCoy’s importance, as the relationship they focus on is just between Kirk and Spock and not the trinity we all came to love on the original television show and the movies of the ’80s. And that’s a shame, really, as I love Karl Urban’s commitment to the McCoy character. He just nails it so well. I think he actually understands the role much more than Abrams, the man behind the camera.

I’m probably coming off as harsh but I’m just calling it like I see it. I did enjoy revisiting this, as it was a quick paced, exciting film. It did have some heart in the moments where Leonard Nimoy, as the older Spock, came into the story. But it did lack the right sort of emotion to make me feel for these characters.

do like this for the most part but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t just a framework for something that could have been richer and more intimate. A lot of the pieces to this puzzle were good and while some connected, it’s as if the filmmakers gave up about halfway through and just threw all the pieces back into the box.

Rating: 7.25/10
Pairs well with: The other Kelvin timeline Star Trek films: Star Trek Into Darkness and Star Trek Beyond.

Comic Review: Creature Tech

Published: August 10th, 2010 (original – black and white), January 15th, 2019 (New Edition – colored)
Written by: Doug TenNapel
Art by: Doug TenNapel, Katherine Garner (New Edition, colors)

Image Comics, 224 Pages

Review:

Recently, I invested in Doug TenNapel’s upcoming graphic novel Bigfoot Bill. I was aware of Doug for a little while, as he is the creator of Earthworm Jim and several other video games and graphic novels. Getting ready for Bigfoot Bill, I wanted to read some of his other work. Creature Tech is the first of a few that I have read from a couple of his graphic novels I picked up.

All I can say really, is that I loved this story. It was cool, imaginative and pretty damn funny. Doug’s got a good sense of humor, which anyone would know from watching his YouTube channel but it really comes through in his writing.

The story is really a sci-fi romantic comedy at its core but TenNapel also taps into things that are important to him: religion, science, the search for truth. While a lot of people don’t like politics or religion in comics, Doug doesn’t do it in a heavy handed way and he doesn’t hold one higher than the other. Speaking as an atheist, I didn’t find this in any way preachy or propaganda-ish.

Ultimately, this is a really fun book that works for all ages. It has charm, character and I absolutely love the art style. I looked through a copy of the original black and white version but I ended up getting the New Edition, which is now colored. It’s a better version of the book, in my opinion. I love the colors and they add a new dimension to the story and liven it up quite a bit. Katherine Garner, Doug’s trusted colorist, did a fine job on this.

While I’ve read Doug’s stuff before, it has been awhile. This really made me happy in the end, I’m glad I picked it up and I’m really happy that I have Doug TenNapel’s Bigfoot Bill to look forward to in the near future.

In 2019, few comics make me smile while I read them. Creature Tech brought me to laughter multiple times.

Rating: 8.25/10
Pairs well with: other comics by Doug TenNapel, as well as Rob Schrab’s Scud: The Disposable Assassin and Rob Guillory’s Farmhand.

Video Game Review: Shadow of the Colossus (PlayStation 4)

I know, I know… I’m really late to the dance on this one but if it’s any consolation, I intended to play this game for a dozen years before picking it up.

I’m kind of glad that I did wait though, as I was able to play the PlayStation 4 version of the game, which was rebuilt for that console from the ground up. Having seen comparisons of the original PS2, remastered PS3 and the rebuilt PS4 versions, I’m glad that I had the best possible incarnation of this game to play through.

That being said, as absolutely fabulous as this is, and I’ll get to the why in a second, it did have one thing working against it, that being PlayStation 2 era clunky controls. Now it wasn’t enough to hinder the experience and I’m sure it is completely accurate to the controls of the first version of this game but having just come off of Red Dead Redemption II, riding a horse in this was like a giant step back.

Also, some of the jumping and grabbing mechanics were wonky and shooting arrows is damn difficult when compared to more modern games. The boss fight with the sand worm was tough because of the controls and really nothing else. I feel like they could have vastly improved this but I also get why they didn’t. Just as I get why they didn’t change the subtitle font from Papyrus to something less cringe for a 2018 game. In 2005, Papyrus wasn’t quite the design faux pas that it is now but it does take something away from the absolutely gorgeous design of this game.

But putting the negatives behind, I can’t speak enough on how great this game is. It is stupendous, excellent and an incredible experience. I wish it was a longer game but you also get so much out of it that you don’t feel cheated in that regard.

Shadow of the Colossus takes place in a giant, vast kingdom where nothing other than a few birds, lizards and fish live. The empty world is haunting but it is also effective, as when you do get to your destinations, you are almost always blown away by the scale of things.

The game is really just sixteen boss fights. Plus, each one is a puzzle to solve. Each Colossus needs to be defeated but the way in which you must take them down is very diverse and incredibly creative. And just about every battle is a good challenge, requiring skill, patience, timing and a good amount of trial and error in trying to figure out how to damage them. I’ll admit that a few of them were a real bitch to figure out but none of them were so hard that I didn’t enjoy the process.

Above everything else, the one thing that this game does exceptionally well is how it creates a very unique atmosphere. The game features action and danger but it is almost peaceful and calming to play. It’s really hard to describe and can really only be experienced through actual play. But this does get a full recommend from me.

But being completely honest, I wasn’t sure what to think about it for the first hour or so. I really had to get the feel for the game and absorb what it was offering. It was so different than anything else I’ve played and I’ve been playing video games for almost 40 years. But the more you play this, the more it draws you in. By the time I was midway through the game, I was in love with it.

This is a masterpiece in regards to its design and its ambiance. It’s clever, creative and stunning to look at, especially in it’s PS4 form.

If it wasn’t for the control issues I had at key parts within the boss fights, I’d have to give this a perfect score. However, I can’t ignore those issues, as there were two boss fights that frustrated me only because the mechanics added an extra level of difficulty that didn’t need to be there.

Rating: 9.75/10
Pairs well with: man, it’s really hard to think of anything. This is such a unique game but I guess anything good within the fantasy action RPG category.

Comic Review: Jawbreakers – Lost Souls

Published: February, 2019
Written by: Richard C. Meyer
Art by: Jon Malin, Brett R. Smith, Eric Weathers, Simon Bennett (Book One), Kelsey Shannon (Book Two), Ethan Van Sciver (cover), Kyle Ritter (cover)

Splatto Comics, 120 Pages

Review:

Well, after a very long wait, Richard C. Meyer’s Jawbreakers – Lost Souls has finally arrived. It took awhile to come out but Meyer has kept people clued in every step of the way due to all the roadblocks and challenges that popped up during this comic’s creation to it finally getting in the consumers’ hands.

I’m glad that I finally got it, as I’ve wanted to review it for a long time.

Full disclosure, I’m not a Comicsgater but I get lumped into that label by people who don’t like those of us who question things or criticize the comic book industry. Also, when I reviewed Meyer’s Iron Sights, I upset a lot of those who lean in a direction opposite of Meyer and most of his supporters. But I liked Iron Sights, despite its issues, and gave that one a 6.75 out of 10.

That being said, Jawbreakers is a step up from Iron Sights but I still have some issues with it, overall.

For the most part, the art in the Lost Souls story is pretty good. Jon Malin is talented but I’m not always a fan of his characters. Everything looks very sleek and his characters seem a bit slender and elongated in certain poses. Still, he’s much better than the average bear and he’s only getting better with more high profile projects under his belt. I’m pretty excited about his Graveyard Shift comic, which are now hitting mailboxes.

Brett R. Smith’s colors are absolutely fantastic though. I also love the cover by Ethan Van Sciver and Kyle Ritter.

This release also features two “remastered” versions of older Jawbreakers stories. One is drawn by Simon Bennett while the other is done by Kelsey Shannon, who also did the Iron Sights cover. These two additions to this release don’t look as good as Malin’s work. Bennett’s parts need more refinement. Shannon’s are better but I’m not a huge fan of the style he uses here and it’s not as polished as his Iron Sights cover, which was actually stunning.

I thought the story was decent, as it is similar to a G.I. Joe story with a kaiju thrown in. I love both of those things, so mixing them is a cool idea. However, this isn’t G.I. Joe. I’d say it’s better than what IDW Publishing has done with the actual G.I. Joe franchise in the years since Chuck Dixon stopped writing it but this feels a bit thin.

If I’m being honest, I need to know something about the characters’ backstories. Here they are thrown into a situation and you just go along for the ride. Meyer needs to develop these characters a bit more but since he has plans to use these characters in the future, maybe we’ll get to know them better. Right now, they feel like generic placeholders or those G.I. Joes that would pop up into a story because they had an action figure but they weren’t popular enough to get more than a minor cameo.

This might sound harsh and I don’t mean it to be but G.I. Joe had a lot of toy companies that knocked them off with toylines like The Corps! and X-Troop. Right now, this feels more like The Corps! than G.I. Joe. It is kind of generic but again, that’s probably because these characters need more depth. I need to care about them and I don’t just off of this story.

I do like that this just gets to the action and it’s pretty much balls to the wall from start to finish. But over time, we’ll need more than that. I can excuse the lack of depth being that this is, right now, a one-off action story.

Jawbreakers is a good start to something but it will take some time to turn it into a brand. The problem with that though, is that crowdfunded comics take a long time to create and distribute. This is one of my criticisms of doing comics this way when I’ve lived in a world where my favorite heroes and teams hit my pull box on a monthly basis. It is much easier finding yourself invested in characters and stories that come out with some regularity. I don’t know if crowdfunded comic franchises in the making can succeed in that way. Plus, people lose interest in things when there’s a long wait.

But for now, I did enjoy this. I certainly don’t have any sort of buyer’s remorse. This was a cool experiment and the end product mostly delivers.

Rating: 7/10
Pairs well with: Richard C. Meyer’s Iron Sights.

Film Review: Pet Sematary (1989)

Also known as: Stephen King’s Pet Sematary (full title)
Release Date: April 21st, 1989
Directed by: Mary Lambert
Written by: Stephen King
Based on: Pet Sematary by Stephen King
Music by: Elliot Goldenthal
Cast: Dale Midkiff, Fred Gwynne, Denise Crosby, Brad Greenquist, Michael Lombard, Miko Hughes, Blaze Berdahl, Stephen King (cameo)

Paramount Pictures, 103 Minutes

Review:

“Sometimes, dead is better.” – Jud Crandall

With a Pet Sematary remake just a few months away, I wanted to revisit the original 1989 film, as it has been a really long time since I’ve sat down and watched it.

I wasn’t a big fan of it, back in the day, but I did remember that it was legitimately eerie. I wanted to see how it aged and if maybe I missed something when I was younger.

One thing that this movie does really well is suspense. It has a very slow build and it takes time to get to the good stuff but there really isn’t a wasted moment in the movie and it wasn’t too slow or boring. It just crawled forward, scratching away at the surface as it crept closer and closer.

The payoff isn’t fantastic but it isn’t bad either. I’d say that this hasn’t aged well. Even though Miko Hughes made a great creepy kid, the way that his more vicious attacks are shot and edited is pretty shoddy. The moment where he lunges out of the hole in the attic onto his father is pretty cringe even for 1989 standards. I always liked Miko Hughes though and he would go on to be in a lot of stuff in the early ’90s. He was damn good on Full House and he was a pretty capable child actor in things like Wes Craven’s New Nightmare.

The big positive of the film is Fred Gwynne, most famous for playing Herman Munster. It’s hard to really peg him and who he is but the film slowly reveals more and more about his past and what he knows about the strange proceedings. Seeing him die in a horrific way was pretty effective, as you do feel pretty bad for the guy.

I also liked that Denise Crosby was in this just coming off of her short stint as Tasha Yar on Star Trek: The Next Generation. I haven’t seen her in much outside of Star Trek related stuff but she did a good job here, as she tried to transition into film from television.

Overall, this isn’t a bad film. I enjoyed coming back to it all these years later and I certainly have more of an appreciation for it now but it isn’t in the top tier of Stephen King adaptations for me.

Rating: 6/10
Pairs well with: other Stephen King movies of the ’70s, ’80s and ’90s.

Retro Relapse: Waffle House: America’s Greatest Institution

RETRO RELAPSE is a series of older articles from various places where I used to write before Talking Pulp.

*Written in 2010.

Waffle House is the greatest restaurant in the history of the world! Now some of you pansies may be scoffing at that statement but it is only because you don’t know how to properly party, get trashed and cut your budding hangover off with an All-Star Breakfast. Now I’m not advocating drinking and driving, you better make sure that you have a designated driver who will take you to one of these awesome yellow buildings wedged between your closest Interstate highway and Texaco filling station.

Enough with the introduction; now let me elaborate on my opening statement.

Waffle House is an American institution. It has been a part of this wonderful country since 1955 when the first location opened up in Avondale Estates, Georgia (a state I can never avoid getting a ticket in). If it were opened around the time of the American Revolution, you can sure bet that the Founding Fathers would’ve eaten there regularly. No modern president has probably been in one because most of them have been pussies; I’ll leave it open for you to decide which of the few weren’t.

Ever since I was a young man, I have frequented Waffle Houses all over the southeastern part of the United States. They have provided two really awesome things in my life.

The first thing that they gave me was a quick and tasty meal while traveling long hours to and fro.

The second thing was weird random encounters with strangers in the night, which almost felt like characters that were going to give me some sort of side mission to sway me from the main quest I was on. If anything, it added quality hours to the gameplay of life.

However, the greatest thing of all is that they serve the world’s best waffles. I don’t care what your argument may be; NO ONE can give you a better waffle. Waffles were around long before this illustrious organization. Although, once Waffle House came on the scene, muthafuckas had to step their game up! Now you can argue that your mom makes sweet ass waffles or that you had some insane Belgium waffle in Belgium that my homies from Georgia couldn’t touch, but all that means is that you’re either a mama’s boy or someone who wouldn’t even go into a Waffle House. Either way, you’re a bitch.

My boy Greg and I have probably been through Waffle House hundreds of times since the start of our heterosexual partnership, and every time we roll through, we feel more powerful, like Hal Jordan after he charges his ring. He and I practically lived off of Waffle House for three to four months in the early parts of 2003. We were on a budget and we recognized greatness. Our experience there was so memorable, that it created a certain feeling of nostalgia just talking about those days at Waffle House. Fortunately for us, Waffle House is still there, unchanged, offering us the opportunity to step into the past.

Waffle House is a fucking time machine!

Now earlier, I mentioned the All-Star Breakfast. This is the single greatest menu item that one can order in the world! It consists of two eggs (any style), hashbrowns or grits, toast, sausage or bacon and a waffle. The only thing that could make it better, is if it offered bacon and sausage. I order it with bacon and then order a side of sausage, so I win big anyway. I also triple the hashbrowns and add cheese, onions and chili to them. I call my modified combo meal the Rob-Star Breakfast.

Greg orders some sandwich thing, but we can’t all be perfect.

Now, if you’re a drinker, there is no better hangover cure than Waffle House. A bottle of Two Fingers or Gilby’s Gin can’t stop the might of a Waffle House meal at three or four in the morning. You’ll wake up with a stomachache but drop one deuce and it’s gone. It’s not a lingering stomach issue; it’s just cleaning you out. Wipe your ass, look in the mirror and smile because surprise! No hangover!

I have also had many short lived relations with women that either worked at Waffle House or who I drunkenly met at Waffle House. But mostly ones that worked there, if you’re keeping score; I certainly am. In any event, that’s a tale for another blog.

So, in closing, waffles are the best breakfast food ever and breakfast food is better than lunch food and dinner food combined. With that said, waffles are the single greatest food item one could ever ingest. So why wouldn’t you get them at a restaurant named after them? Waffle House kicks Capital Grille in the tits! And IHOP is for lamers. Step up to the plate, be a real American and tear into that sticky flaky fun cake!

So who’s hungry? I need my fix now.

Comic Review: X-Men/Alpha Flight (1998 Series)

Published: 1998
Written by: John Cassaday, Ben Raab
Art by: John Cassaday, Liquid! (cover)

Marvel Comics, 64 Pages

Review:

I wasn’t expecting much from this two-issue story arc but I was pleasantly surprised by how fun this was.

I love the X-Men and I love Alpha Flight. I especially love when they come together.

In this story we see the X-Men get captured by Baron Strucker and Hydra. Alpha Flight then goes in to save them.

I didn’t realize that this was a 1998 story when I first read it, as the version on Comixology listed it as 2016. So at first I thought it was a cool throwback because it had a very ’90s art style.

This is also the second X-Men/Alpha Flight team up mini-miniseries. I have read and owned the first one for years now. I don’t remember how good that one was but if it’s on par with this, that’d be great.

For a short story that didn’t have much room to breathe, this was a good, fun comic that reminded me why I loved these two teams back in the ’80s and ’90s.

Alpha Flight needs more love, people.

Rating: 7.5/10
Pairs well with: other ’90s X-Men and Alpha Flight stories.