Film Review: Girl In Gold Boots (1968)

Release Date: April 25th, 1968
Directed by: Ted V. Mikels
Written by: Art Names, Leighton J. Peatman, John T. Wilson
Music by: Nicholas Carras, Chris Howard
Cast: Jody Daniels, Leslie McRae, Tom Pace, Chris Howard

Geneni Film Distributors, 94 Minutes, 108 Minutes (original cut)

Review:

“I see you’ve been promoted from Yak Boy to Mop Boy.” – Buz Nichols

GIrl In Gold Boots is a film about the seedy side of the go-go dancing world, as told by the man behind The Corpse Grinders and The Black Klansman. And as should be expected, it is of poor quality with bad acting and an insane nonsensical plot full of unlikable characters.

But hey, it’s got hot dancers in it and there is a version you can watch that is riffed by Mike and the ‘Bots courtesy of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Watch that version, as it is actually one of my favorite Mike Nelson MST3K episodes.

In this film, we meet this waitress in some shithole diner in the middle of nowhere. Her father is the cook and he’s a drunk shithead that smacks her around. Some swindler from Hollywood named Buz with just one “z”, convinces her to go back to La La Land with him where he can help make her a go-go dancing sensation. Yes, this is a real plot.

Once things initially work out for this girl, she soon finds herself in a seedy world where everyone is a drug addicted maniac and go-go dancing isn’t the only sexy activity on the menu.

This film is full of terrible scenes but at least the actors got to film that segment on the beach, driving a cool plastic dune buggy thing through the sand. I would have signed up to be in this movie just to drive the dune buggy thing. Well, and to hangout with go-go dancers day and night.

Out of the three Ted V. Mikels films I have seen, this one was the least engaging and pretty damn boring.

You get some musical numbers with cute girls and their jiggly bits but then you get atrocious musical numbers like the proto-emo dude singing in the rain while the female lead’s face is superimposed in the background.

This movie is full of severe cringe. Sometimes I like that though. It’s just that the cringe never seems to lead anywhere worthwhile.

I’m not sure if there is an unrated version of this where you get to see some boobs but there should be. This film was like a big tease and no breasties saw the light of day. It’s like a nudie cutie picture with no nudie. I’d much rather watch Ed Wood’s Orgy of the Dead.

Leslie McRae, the female lead, didn’t have a great career but she did go on to play Cleopatra in Roger Corman and Paul Bartel’s Death Race 2000. She was also in Coffy.

This, like all films of a similar quality, must be run through the Cinespiria Shitometer. The results read, “Type 4 Stool: Like a sausage or snake, smooth and soft.”

Rating: 2/10
Pairs well with: The Wild World of BatwomanOrgy of the Dead and Eegah.

Film Review: The Black Klansman (1966)

Also known as: I Crossed the Color Line (alternate), Brutes (UK)
Release Date: June, 1966
Directed by: Ted V. Mikels
Written by: Art Names, John T. Wilson
Music by: Jaime Mendoza-Nava
Cast: Richard Gilden, Rima Kutner, Harry Lovejoy, Max Julien, Jakie Deslonde, James McEachin

SGS Productions, 88 Minutes

Review:

“Get control of myself?! Who the hell are you, white woman… to tell me to get control of myself?!” – Jerry Ellsworth

The Black Klansman isn’t blaxploitation, it’s half a decade too early and it doesn’t have the wisecrackin’ street slang of those pictures or the sweet style. However, it does feel like a sort of proto-blaxploitation film. At it’s core though, it is a Civil Rights era thriller in a similar vein to Roger Corman’s The Intruder. This falls more on the exploitation side though.

The story sees a man return to Alabama from Los Angeles after his young daughter is burned to death during a church bombing orchestrated by the Ku Klux Klan. The man is a light-skinned black man and he decides to go undercover, infiltrate the KKK and get revenge for his daughter and for the black community that is terrorized by the violent, hate-filled, murderous bigots.

This isn’t a film that boasts good acting but the acting is still effective and the point is made. It’s hard not to feel for Jerry, the man who’s daughter was brutally killed. While he initially flies off the chain, he pulls it together and orchestrates his plan to near perfection. He even gets to hook up with the daughter of the KKK leader and later gets to boast about it, as racist daddy can’t handle the reality of Jerry’s revenge.

From a technical standpoint, the film also isn’t great. Everything is pretty average though but it does feel like a picture with very limited resources. The cinematography and lighting are fine but nothing special. Surprisingly, the sound has held up well in the prints that have survived the ravages of time.

What is probably the most interesting thing about this movie is that it was directed by exploitation schlock master Ted V. Mikels. This is the guy that gave us awful gore festivals with films like The Corpse Grinders and Blood Orgy of the She-Devils. He also directed Girl In Gold Boots, one of IMDb’s 100 worst rated films of all-time, Dr. SexThe Astro-Zombies and its sequels, The Doll Squad and several other grindhouse thrillers.

From a filmmaking standpoint, this is probably the best film Mikels has made. It was definitely exploitation cinema at its finest but it carried a strong political and social message and delivered it well. You can’t really say the same thing for The Corpse Grinders.

Rating: 5.75/10
Pairs well with: Roger Corman’s The Intruder and if you want to up the octane, The Black Gestapo.

Film Review: The Corpse Grinders (1971)

Also known as: Night of the Howling Beast, The Flesh Grinders
Release Date: May 19th, 1971
Directed by: Ted V. Mikels
Written by: Arch Hall Sr., Joseph Cranston
Music by: Ted V. Mikels, Jack Millman
Cast: Sean Kenney, Monika Kelly, Sanford Mitchell, J. Byron Foster, Warren Ball, Ann Noble

CG Productions, T.V. Mikels Film Corporation, 72 Minutes

Review:

This is one of those movies I have heard people whisper about for years before finally seeing it. Also, it is the first film that I have reviewed for Cinespiria that didn’t have a Wikipedia page. Strange, considering I have seen it mentioned in several books and talked about by several cult film fans for a long time. I didn’t think it was so underground that it wouldn’t at least have a blurb on the Internet’s greatest gift after free streaming HD porn, Wikipedia.

The Corpse Grinders, like most of the cult films that are regarded for being pinnacles of gore, violence and sick shit, just doesn’t live up to the hype built up by the words of others over the years. And that’s fine, maybe my mind envisions sicker shit than most of the grindhouse filmmakers from the golden age of splatter flicks.

The story follows these two sick guys that start putting human beings in their cat food. They then distribute the cat food out in the world, which causes the cats that eat it to develop a craving for human flesh. Cats start eating people, other people get ground up and stuffed into cans and not much else happens really.

The film comes in at a meager 72 minutes, which is fine because it isn’t in anyway a well written spectacle that needs more time than that to hit all its points. Yeah, there are a few gross moments but nothing all that disturbing. The worst of it is a cat autopsy, where the cat is already cut open with some intestines hanging out. The only other nasty thing is seeing a girl shoved into the giant meat grinder where the camera pans over to the other end, showing ground up meat falling into a pail. Sure, it’s disturbing but it isn’t anything jaw dropping or game changing. I’m sure that in 1971 it was a much bigger deal though.

The Corpse Grinders is very poorly acted, shot and directed. The lighting is too dark, most of the time. The sets look cheaper than Chinese drywall. But all in all, it is at least as entertaining enough to fill up its 72 minutes. Any longer and this would be a bonafide snoozefest.

Also, the girl in panties on the couch drinking a Budwesier out of a glass is a pretty stunning babe until her cat starts mauling her. Even then, she’s still better looking than most of the girls you’ll find in this sort of picture.

Rating: 4/10