Film Review: Witchboard (1986)

Release Date: December 31st, 1986 (limited)
Directed by: Kevin Tenney
Written by: Kevin Tenney
Music by: Dennis Michael Tenney
Cast: Todd Allen, Tawny Kitaen, Stephen Nichols, Kathleen Wilhoite, Burke Byrnes, Rose Marie

Paragon Arts International, Blue Rider Pictures, 98 Minutes

Review:

“Hang loose, stay cool, and don’t forget your psychic humor.” – Zarabeth

I had never seen Witchboard and I never had much interest in it. Ouija Board movies have never been my thing, for whatever reason. I don’t know, even as a lover of horror, I always found the concept of them to be too one-dimensional and uneventful.

Seeing this, my assessment isn’t proven wrong and in fact, this movie is also pretty boring. It has a few neat moments but not enough to salvage it or make it something I’d ever feel like I wanted to watch again. And I only really watched it this time because I know some people that are somewhat nostalgic about this film.

Also, this has Tawny Kitaen in it and I remember how much my older cousins and uncles were fawning over her back in the day after she did that Whitesnake video. Yeah, I saw it. Even as a little kid, I thought she was hot. But I was really a Phoebe Cates kinda guy.

Anyway, this is about a group of college aged kids that fuck around with a Ouija Board. One of them (Kitaen) develops an unhealthy obsession, as she starts to talk to the ghost of a child. However, we later find out that this child ghost was an evil wizard all along and he’s possessed her. Crazy supernatural shit happens and the boyfriend has to fight his demon possessed girlfriend in an effort to save her from the wizard’s spirit.

Witchboard has a few amusing characters in it, such as the bizarre psychic girl, and it shows two best friends, fighting over the same girl, have to come back together in an effort to save her. I always love bro movies where the bros gotta put aside their differences and save the day.

This is mostly slow, poorly acted and it doesn’t have anything special or unique to make it stand out in a sea of great ’80s horror. But still, it is ’80s horror and with that, it’s still a decent film to check out if ’80s horror is your cup of tea.

I didn’t hate this, by any means, but I was far from loving it, as well.

Rating: 5.25/10

Film Review: Bachelor Party (1984)

Release Date: June 29th, 1984
Directed by: Neal Israel
Written by: Neal Israel, Pat Proft, Bob Israel
Music by: Robert Folk
Cast: Tom Hanks, Adrian Zmed, William Tepper, Tawny Kitaen, Michael Dudikoff, George Grizzard, Barbara Stuart, Robert Prescott, Monique Gabrielle

20th Century Fox, 105 Minutes

Review:

“I wish I had someone I could really respect. Hey, look at the cans on that bimbo!” – O’Neill

’80s Tom Hanks was a hell of a lot of fun. Sure, he’s still probably a very fun guy but since the ’80s, he’s been more of a dramatic actor. In fact, he’s become one of the top actors of the last few decades. But going back and revisiting his old school comedy films is always a good experience.

Bachelor Party is really just a big party movie for adults. Unlike mainstream high school movies like the John Hughes stuff, this was a comedy with a much harder edge, boobies, drugs, hookers and a donkey that likes to party hard. This is a pretty absurd film but it worked for the time and it is still really enjoyable nearly thirty-five years later.

Tom Hanks is set to marry Tawny Kitaen, who was the apple of every Whitesnake fan’s eye. However, before the marriage, Hanks needs to have a massive and crazy bachelor party with his buddies. What we get is one of the most insane parties ever put to celluloid.

His entire crew of friends are all unique and enjoyable. Well, except they all pretty much have a one track mind and that’s to party. Well, there is the nutty suicidal friend that just spends his time trying to kill himself. And then there is the jealous ex-boyfriend of Tawny Kitaen, played by Robert Prescott, who does everything he can to try and ruin the party. Of course, this always backfires on him in hilarious ways.

I’ll be honest, this is a stupid f’n movie but I like stupid f’n movies as long as they are fun and make me laugh. Nowadays, this might feel like an old, offensive, sexist relic. But the people who worry about shit like that don’t have a lot of fun in their own lives. This is stupid, harmless, asinine fun in the same vein as MeatballsPorky’sRevenge of the NerdsPrivate SchoolThe Last American Virgin, etc.

This also co-stars Michael Dudikoff, the American Ninja himself. Sadly, he doesn’t kill any evil ninjas in this movie.

Lastly, who doesn’t want to watch a donkey eat several dozen pills and do lines of cocaine?

Rating: 7/10
Pairs well with: Other ’80s Tom Hanks comedies: SplashVolunteersDragnet, etc. Also, any ’80s party movie.