Comic Review: Superman/Shazam!: First Thunder

Published: 2005-2006
Written by: Judd Winick
Art by: Josh Middleton

DC Comics, 146 Pages

Review:

There’s always something special about Superman and Captain Marvel team ups. Well, most of the time at least.

What’s really cool about this miniseries is that it focused on the first time that Superman met Captain Marvel. Here, he discovers the truth that this hero that is very similar to himself is actually a young boy, an orphan, that is having to learn how to accept and manage the responsibility of his powers.

There are some great, touching moments in this and a lot of those moments are sort of seen through the eyes of Billy Batson a.k.a. Captain Marvel, as he becomes friends with a hero he looks up to and aspires to live up to.

The story here is well crafted and it feels very personal. There’s a lot of passion in the writing and that’s refreshing when I feel like we are in an era where mainstream comics aren’t as concerned with quality and are more focused on flooding the market with shit product just to make a quick buck as the industry continues to shrink.

But this also came out over ten years ago and that was an era where a lot of care still went into most top tier comic books.

Anyway, this was a good, wholesome and emotional read. It also featured a unique art style that kind of made the book feel timeless and presented its main characters in an iconic style befitting of their place in comic book history.

Rating: 7.75/10
Pairs well with: other Superman and Captain Marvel team ups.

Comic Review: Hellboy Vs. Lobster Johnson in the Ring of Death – One-Shot

Published: May 29th, 2019
Written by: Mike Mignola, Chris Roberson
Art by: Paul Grist, Mike Norton, Dave Stewart, Paolo Rivera (cover)

Dark Horse Comics, 24 Pages

Review:

I’ll be honest, I bought this strictly for the cover.

Still, I’m a Hellboy fan so I at least knew that I’d most likely enjoy the whole comic.

For the most part, this was a good read. It doesn’t seem to mean much in the grander scheme of things but it entertained me for a bit and it even threw in a bit of lucha libre to sweeten the pot.

The art was good throughout and the story was energetic and fun.

But man, I just couldn’t take my eye off of the cover and I’d buy a poster print of it in a heartbeat.

And that’s it. This is a one-shot. There’s not much to say without ruining the story. Ultimately, it doesn’t seem important and maybe this should have felt like it had more of a reason to exist but whatever.

So I’ll keep this one short and sweet because the comic was short and sweet.

Rating: 7/10
Pairs well with: other Hellboy comics.

Comic Review: Wolverine: The Long Night

Published: January 2nd, 2019 – May 29th, 2019
Written by: Benjamin Percy
Art by: Marcio Takara, Rafael Albuquerque (covers)
Based on: Wolverine: The Long Night podcast

Marvel Comics, 131 Pages

Review:

What happens when you mix Wolverine, Wendigo and an X-Files story together? You get this comic. Which should sound like a great mashup of cool shit but the execution was lackluster and the story was incredibly predictable and underwhelming.

I should state that you don’t know that Wendigo is involved in this tale but for anyone that knows anything about Wolverine or the X-Men pocket of the Marvel universe can figure out that the killer in this is Wendigo within the first few pages.

Now this has a strong X-Files vibe but it is more like the shitty, second movie, as opposed to the fantastic television series.

While this can be categorized as a mystery and a thriller, it is devoid of mystery and it is the antithesis of thrilling.

I don’t want to shit on this but I was excited to read it and I thought that the bits that were predictable were obvious red herrings and that this would throw an awesome curveball. But then, after five issues, it didn’t. The end was exactly what I expected and I was severely let down.

But I don’t get it. This was based off of some podcast story that was highly regarded. But then I guess I should have looked into who it was highly regarded by? Long-time comic books fans? Newer fans? Normies that only watch the movies? The shill comic book media? The shills who run the Eisner Awards? Or just Marvel itself?

This thing was a total turkey and frankly, I only like turkey once a year and mostly just for the fatty dark meat and none of that dry, flavorless, boring white meat that makes up most of the bird.

I’ve yet to read a new Wolverine title that has grabbed me since the character’s resurrection late last year. So I’ll just keep filling up on the savory side dishes like Ed Brisson’s far superior Dead Man Logan.

Rating: 4.75/10
Pairs well with: I’m assuming its upcoming sequel, as well as more recent Wolverine comics.

Film Review: Captain Marvel (2019)

Release Date: February 27th, 2019 (London premiere)
Directed by: Anna Boden, Ryan Fleck
Written by: Anna Boden, Ryan Fleck, Geneva Robertson-Dworet, Nicole Perlman, Meg LeFauve
Based on: Captain Marvel by Stan Lee, Gene Colan, Carol Danvers by Roy Thomas, Gene Colan
Music by: Pinar Toprak
Cast: Brie Larson, Samuel L. Jackson, Ben Mendelsohn, Djimon Hounsou, Lee Pace, Lashana Lynch, Gemma Chan, Annette Bening, Clark Gregg, Jude Law, Kelly Sue DeConnick (cameo)

Marvel Studios, Walt Disney, 124 Minutes

Review:

“You are Carol Danvers. You were the woman on that black box risking her life to do the right thing. My best friend. Who supported me as a mother and a pilot when no one else did. You were smart, and funny, and a huge pain in the ass. And you were the most powerful person I knew, way before you could shoot fire through your fists.” – Maria Rambeau

This was the first Marvel Cinematic Universe movie that I didn’t see in the theater. Frankly, it looked boring and unimaginative and it really has nothing to do with the controversies surrounding the film regardless of what side of the argument your fanboy/girl heart lies on.

Seeing it now, I wasn’t wrong.

This is a drab, mostly pretty boring film. Also, it looks cheap compared to other Marvel movies. This looks more like an episode of a CW superhero show than a film produced by Disney and Marvel. And it’s kind of underwhelming and depressing, really. Especially since this had its fair share of outer space stuff, which Marvel has handled exceedingly well with Thor: Ragnarok and both Guardians of the Galaxy outings.

I think part of the problem is that this film had too many creatives trying to steer the ship. It had two directors and five writers. Fuck, guys… just pick a team of a few people like your best movies and let them make the magic happen. Films made by committees rarely wow anyone.

In regards to Brie Larson, she is, as I’ve said in reviews of other films, a charisma vacuum. She makes charismatic actors around here give uncharismatic performances. Sam Jackson and Jude Law are typically very charismatic and fun to watch. Here, they’re about as entertaining as sleeping dogs.

Throughout this entire film, Brie was told that she’s too emotional yet she barely shows any actual emotion and just delivers her lines with a blank face in monotone. She also does this juvenile smirk all the time that just makes her look like a middle aged soccer mom thinking that she’s still youthful, cute and wishes she was still in high school so she could cozy up to the mean girls.

If this film wasn’t part of the larger MCU canon, it would have come and gone and been completely forgotten already. It’s not even bad to where people can talk for years about how much of a shitshow it was like Catwoman. But this is the future that Disney apparently wants and between this dead on arrival, boring ass film and the slapped together, clusterfuck that Avengers: Endgame was, makes me think that the MCU‘s expiration date was 2019, just a year after it celebrated it’s 10th anniversary.

Usually for a film of this caliber, I’d have a lot more to say. But there isn’t much to talk about with this one. It’s a waste of time, it carries an obvious agenda with it and like things that are trying to be political statements, it fails at conveying that message in a meaningful or genuine way.

Plus, everyone and their mother has torn this film apart already. I don’t think it’s as bad as many people do but it’s certainly a soulless, unemotional, pointless film more concerned with its place in history and trying to challenge societal ideals in the laziest way possible than it is trying to be a fun, escapist piece of entertainment.

But hey, this isn’t as bad as Joss Whedon’s Avengers: Age of Ultron, which still takes the cake as Marvel’s worst. I would put this in my bottom two or three though.

Rating: 6/10
Pairs well with: Everything else in the MCU, I guess.

Comic Review: Before Watchmen: Moloch

Published: November 7th, 2012 – December 19th, 2012
Written by: John Higgins, J. Michael Straczynski
Art by: John Higgins, Eduardo Risso, Trish Mulvihill
Based on: Watchmen by Alan Moore

DC Comics, 52 Pages

Review:

I’ve finally gotten to the end of the Before Watchmen series. They didn’t need to be read in a specific order, so I started with the ones that I really wanted to read and then worked my way through the rest of them. I actually didn’t even know there was one for Moloch, as it was tacked on to the end of the volume that collected the Nite Owl and Dr. Manhattan’s stories.

So this was kind of a pleasant surprise, as I wasn’t expecting Moloch to be given any sort of character development beyond how small his role was in the original Watchmen.

This, like the other volumes, delves right into Moloch’s backstory and gives him a good origin. You understand why he is the way he is and how he became a criminal and eventually was used by Ozymandias, who exploited his desire to reform.

I really liked Matt Frewer’s portrayal of Moloch in the Watchmen movie and if they were ever going to adapt the Before Watchmen series into a live action format, I’d love to see him get to return to tell this story. In fact, I didn’t much care about Moloch until I saw Frewer play him, giving him more life than the original comic did.

And that’s also what I liked about this story, is that it gives the character merit and a purpose. I’ve yet to read Doomsday Clock, which is a Wathcmen sequel, but I hope aspects of this story carry over into that.

Rating: 7.5/10
Pairs well with: other Before Watchmen stories, as well as Watchmen and Doomsday Clock.

Comic Review: Defenders of the Earth

Published: January, 1987 – July, 1987
Written by: Stan Lee, Michael Higgins
Art by: Alex Saviuk
Based on: Flash Gordon by Alex Raymond, The Phantom & Mandrake the Magician by Lee Falk

Star Comics, Marvel Comics, 110 Pages

Review:

I don’t know how many people remember Defenders of the Earth. It was kind of big in the ’80s, as it spawned this comic series, an animated television show, a toyline and other product tie-ins.

For those that don’t know, it was a team that was formed of three old school pulp heroes that were originally published in comic strips by King Features Syndicate. They would go on to be really popular and even had serials produced back in the days when serials were still a thing.

The team consists of Flash Gordon, The Phantom and Mandrake the Magician, as well as their kids and some other allies. The Defenders are unified in their battle against famous Flash Gordon foe, Ming the Merciless.

This comic series was published by Star Comics, which was a short-lived imprint of the much larger Marvel Comics. With that, they were able to get the great Stan Lee to write the first issue of the comic. Michael Higgins would take over for issues two through four with Alex Saviuk providing the art for all four issues.

The story sees Ming do something horrible to Flash Gordon’s wife, which inspires these heroes to come together in an effort to defeat Ming and his desire to conquer Earth.

Defenders of the Earth was an entertaining read, especially that Stan Lee issue. It had a lot of energy and it got you excited for what could have come but sadly, the series ended at issue four, even though it promised a fifth. It doesn’t quite end on a cliffhanger but it ends unfinished, which kind of sucks.

I didn’t remember much about this series but the comic has made me nostalgic for the television show, which I haven’t seen since about 1987. I may go back and give it a watch in the very near future.

Rating: 7/10
Pairs well with: other ’80s comic book tie-ins to toylines and animated series.

Film Review: Blade: Trinity (2004)

Also known as: Blade III (working title)
Release Date: December 7th, 2004 (Hollywood premiere)
Directed by: David S. Goyer
Written by: David S. Goyer
Based on: Blade by Marv Wolfman, Gene Colan
Music by: Ramin Djawadi, Rza
Cast: Wesley Snipes, Kris Kristofferson, Jessica Biel, Ryan Reynolds, Parker Posey, Dominic Purcell, Triple H, Natasha Lyonne, John Michael Higgins, James Remar, Patton Oswalt, Christopher Heyerdahl

Marvel Enterprises, Shawn Danielle Productions Ltd., Amen Ra Films, Imaginary Forces, New Line Cinema, 112 Minutes

Review:

“[licking one of Hannibal’s wounds] You’re tasting a little bland, lover. Are you getting enough fatty acids in your diet? Have you tried lake trout? Mackerel?” – Danica Talos, “How about you take a sugar-frosted fuck off the end of my dick?” – Hannibal King, “And how about everyone here not saying the word “dick” anymore? It provokes my envy.” – Danica Talos

Well, revisiting Blade II wasn’t fun but at least this one was a bit better, in my opinion, even if the consensus doesn’t agree with me.

But let’s be honest, this is also pretty much a total turkey unworthy of being a sequel to the first film.

What’s kind of baffling is that this installment has the best cast out of all three films. I mean, there is a lot of talent on the roster but what we got was a movie that has given most of these actors something to scrub off of their resume.

For instance, Parker Posey is a dynamite actress. In fact, she may be mostly known as an indie darling but she’s one of the best actresses of the past twenty-five years. She has range, she delivers and it’s hard to think of anything else that sees her performance be anywhere near as cringe as it is here. But I don’t blame Posey, I blame the atrocious script and poor direction of David S. Goyer.

So speaking on that, I have to point out how bad the dialogue is in this picture. It’s heinously bad. So bad, in fact, that it almost makes the dialogue in the first Blade come off as Shakespearean. It’s worse than the dialogue in Blade II, which was also shit. But I guess it’s kind of surprising, considering that Goyer wrote all three films. But maybe it’s worse here because he took over the directing duties and thus, didn’t have a more talented director that was able to work around terribly written lines and find a way to salvage them. Maybe Goyer kept a tighter leash on his actors than Guillermo del Toro or Stephen Norrington.

I mean, even Ryan Reynolds who is one of the most charming and funny actors of his generation, stumbled through his clunky and unfunny lines, trying to make them work but failing at delivering anything other than unfunny edgy boi humor that sounds like it was written by a middle schooler trying so hard to impress his older brother’s high school friends.

Don’t even get me started on Triple H’s performance but regardless of how convincing he is as a wrestler, his heel game is weak as hell here and I actually had to subtract some cool points from him when I saw this in 2004.

This chapter also lacks a real story and it isn’t even sure which character it wants to make the big bad of the movie. Dominic Purcell plays Drake, who is really just Dracula, but he comes off as the lamest Dracula in the last twenty years of film history. But Purcell is another guy that’s cool and pretty capable of putting in a good performance if given the right direction.

Ultimately, this is a film entirely bogged down by poor performances, bad writing and sloppy direction.

However, the story is better and more clever than the previous film. This had elements that could have saved it and turned this into something great. The opening in the desert and then the first action sequence were all well done and set the stage for what could have been a really solid picture but everything becomes a mess after that.

I also liked the idea of Blade finding a team to work with but the film fucks all that up by having Limp Bizkit Dracula killing just about all of them off except for Ryan Reynolds and Jessica Biel.

Now I really liked Biel in this, even if fighting vampires while jiving to your iPod seems incredibly careless. She gives a better performance than this weak script should have allowed and maybe Goyer was more lenient on letting her alter her performance, as she’s pretty hot and this was only the second time he directed.

Other great performers were all pretty much wasted and were forgettable. In fact, I forgot that James Remar, John Michael Higgins, Christopher Heyerdahl, Patton Oswalt and Natasha Lyonne were even in this.

In the end, this had the ability to be something much better but it suffered for all the reasons I’ve already bitched about. I liked that this wasn’t over stylized like del Toro’s Blade II and that it had a more interesting story that put Blade up against Dracula but the film’s execution snuffed out the possibility of something solid.

And while it seems as if I’m bashing Goyer, he would improve. But his best work has always come when he’s worked under a much more talented director than himself. Christopher Nolan, for instance. But he’s still put out some shitty scripts and unfortunately, the shit outweighs the gold.

Rating: 6/10
Pairs well with: the other Blade movies.