Film Review: The Philadelphia Experiment (1984)

Release Date: August 3rd, 1984
Directed by: Stewart Raffill
Written by: Wallace C. Bennett, William Gray, Don Jakoby, Michael Janover
Based on: The Philadelphia Experiment: Project Invisibility by Charles Berlitz, William L. Moore
Music by: Kenneth Wannberg
Cast: Michael Paré, Nancy Allen, Eric Christmas, Bobby Di Cicco, Stephen Tobolowsky, Michael Currie

New Pictures, Cinema Group Ventures, New World Pictures, 102 Minutes

Review:

“You know, I got it all figured out… Navy owes me 40 years back pay.” – David Herdeg

In my mind, I thought that I had seen this movie once or twice, as a kid. I was wrong. I have never seen this until now and my memory played tricks on me by conflating images of other movies that may not even be remotely accurate. Hey, I’ve done some drugs at different points in my life.

Anyway, I thought that this was a really weird movie, even for ’80s standards and the story was pretty wonky. Still, I did enjoy it and I really liked the bond that developed between the leads: Michael Paré and Nancy Allen.

The story is about these two Navy seamen that were aboard a ship during a strange experiment where the Navy were trying to make the vessel invisible to give them a tactical advantage during World War II. This experiment made the ship vanish but with that, the two seamen were transported through time to 1984. The time travel also gave them some weird sci-fi side effects and one of the men keeps having seizures and electrical phenomenon happening to his body until he eventually explodes into pure energy and disappears. The rest of the film is a race against time, as Michael Paré’s character is trying to solve his dilemma before the same fate happens to him.

This is also an “on the run”/road trip movie similar to Starman and other films where a protagonist is trying to outrun and outwit authorities in an effort to reach their goal.

I liked Paré a lot in this and I always thought that he was an underutilized actor that should’ve reached bigger heights in the ’80s. I also liked Nancy Allen too but she’s been a favorite of mine ever since I saw the original RoboCop, as a wee li’l lad.

The film is entertaining and it was a cool picture in spite of its hokiness and strange premise. It is slow in a few parts and the climax is a bit weird but it’s still a worthwhile experience. Granted, I don’t know if it’s something I’ll ever go out of my way to watch again.

Rating: 6.5/10
Pairs well with: other early ’80s sci-fi and “on the run” movies.

Film Review: The Ice Pirates (1984)

Release Date: March 16th, 1984
Directed by: Stewart Raffill
Written by: Stewart Raffill, Stanford Sherman
Music by: Bruce Broughton
Cast: Robert Urich, Mary Crosby, Michael D. Roberts, Anjelica Huston, Ron Perlman, Bruce Vilanch, John Carradine, John Matuszak, Carmen Filpi

JF Productions, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, 91 Minutes

Review:

“I’m afraid I have some bad news… well maybe its not that bad. The princess is pregnant.” – Wendon

I have weird memories of The Ice Pirates. I remember it being on TV a lot when I was a kid and I watched it all the time. But I didn’t have a nostalgic fondness for it like I do similar pictures. Watching it now, I did enjoy it but it just doesn’t connect for me in the right way.

It’s lighthearted, fun and amusing. You like just about all of the characters and it’s highly energetic. There’s not much of anything to dislike but even for all of its positives, it does fall kind of flat for me.

I guess my biggest gripe is that the pacing is really odd and sometimes you are just pulled along for the ride and it isn’t even all that clear as to what’s happening on screen. There is a disjointedness to the film that makes it hard to follow if you’re actually trying to take it somewhat seriously.

While the big conclusion that deals with rapid aging and time travel shenanigans is a neat sequence, it feels sloppily done and it feels like the gag is more important than the climax of the film itself.

Honestly, The Ice Pirates plays like a string of sketch comedy scenes, following a sci-fi theme with just a small plot thread holding them together in any sort of cohesive way.

I do like the performances though, everyone looked to be enjoying the production and because of that, it makes the movie more exciting. Plus, I’ll watch Bruce Vilanch in anything.

But, in the end, I have a hard time considering this to be a classic, as many would suggest.

Rating: 5.75/10
Pairs well with: Battle Beyond the Stars, The Black Hole, Spacehunter: Adventures In the Forbidden Zone, Space Raiders and Cherry 2000.

Film Review: Tammy and the T-Rex (1994)

Also known as: Tanny and the Teenage T-Rex (Singapore)
Release Date: December 21st, 1994
Directed by: Stewart Raffill
Written by: Gary Brockette, Stewart Raffill
Music by: Jack Conrad, Tony Riparetti
Cast: Denise Richards, Theo Forsett, Paul Walker, Ellen Dubin, Terry Kiser, Buck Flower, Efren Ramirez, John Franklin

Greenline Productions, Platinic Films Inc., 82 Minutes, 88 Minutes (R-rated “gore” cut)

Review:

“Oh, Michael what have they done to you?” – Tammy

So I heard that there is an R-rated “gore cut” of this film being released later this year. I guess the version that was shown in Asia was much gorier but the US video release of the film is severely toned down.

Regardless, I wanted to check this film out in its regular US version, as it’s a cult classic but incredibly obscure. On a side note, for those who want to watch this, it is on YouTube, at the moment.

This is a goofy, over the top and ridiculous film. But it’s also a hell of a lot of fun and it works for what it is.

The average person would probably watch five minutes of this and turn it off, deeming it shit. But it’s that special kind of shit that if you stare at it long enough, it blasts you in the face with colorful, enjoyable and overwhelming insanity.

It’s endearing and charming in spite of its immense flaws. It will resonate with those of us who have a love for films like Mac and Me (the same director), The Room and Troll 2.

The premise is batshit crazy. A mad scientist played by Bernie from Weekend at Bernie’s takes the brain of Paul Walker and puts it inside of a mechanical dinosaur. No, not a real dinosaur… but a mechanical one like the full scale animatronic T-Rex robots that you’d see in shopping malls or seasonal science attractions in the ’90s.

The film also stars Denise Richards, who in her prime, was the hottest girl I had ever seen. Especially, through my teenage eyes in the ’90s. Plus, she was really charming and sweet in this and it’s damn near impossible to not get pulled in by her. I also really enjoyed her gay friend in this, as he was f’n hilarious in every scene.

Tammy and the T-Rex is a film that is sort of perfect as a bad movie that’s so bad it’s great.

My only real complaint about it is the butchered editing. But I blame that on the complete exclusion of the gore that the film intended to show. So hopefully, the soon to be released “gore cut” fixes those issues. And honestly, the inclusion of the gore may take this film to the next level and vastly improve upon it.

Rating: 6.5/10
Pairs well with: other Stewart Raffill movies: Mac and Me, The Ice Pirates, etc.

Film Review: Mac And Me (1988)

Also known as: Mi amigo Mac (Spanish title)
Release Date: August 12th, 1988
Directed by: Stewart Raffill
Written by: Steve Feke, Stewart Raffill
Music by: Alan Silvestri
Cast: Christine Ebersole, Jonathan Ward, Tina Caspary, Lauren Stanley, Jade Calegory, Buck Flower

New Star Entertainment, Vision International, Orion Pictures, 99 Minutes

Review:

“You know what I feel like?” – Michael Cruise, “A Big Mac?” – Eric Cruise, “The man’s psychic!” – Michael Cruise

If you look at this as a 99 minute advertisement for McDonald’s and Coke, it’s not that bad. And really, isn’t that what this actually is?

As a kid, I kind of assumed that Mac was a new character in McDonlad’s roster that includes Ronald McDonald, Birdie, Grimace, the Hamburglar and the Fry Guys. I mean, “Mac” even fits perfectly within the McGimmick. But no, I guess this was supposed to be a real movie.

Now this is one of many blatant ripoffs of E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial. These films were a dime a dozen in the ’80s just as much as Gremlins ripoffs were.

This is also universally panned by just about everyone. However, the hatred towards it is by loads of people that haven’t actually seen it. They just read things on the Internet and have heard the legends about Mac And Me for decades. And while I remembered mostly liking this in 1988, I hadn’t seen it in a really long time and wasn’t sure how it would hold up.

Seeing this now, as it was finally lampooned on Mystery Science Theater 3000 in the newest season, I still don’t think it’s as bad as the hype would want you to believe.

Now this is still a bad movie but it has a charm that most bad movies don’t. It’s ’80s cheese of the highest caliber and that can be a good or bad thing but it helps this picture, in my opinion. Also, all the kids were really likable and that goes a long way for me in a movie like this.

The story is cookie cutter and the high point is a big party at McDonald’s, which features Mac the Alien disguised as a teddy bear, dancing on tables and flying around the restaurant. But the scene is so bizarre and ’80s kitsch that it’s hard not to love if you grew up in that decade and have a soft spot for really weird, goofy shit.

But I get it, people will always have fun trashing this movie because it’s a bizarre and bad film by critical standards. Looking beyond that, though, it’s still entertaining, fun and lighthearted in a good way. At it’s core, the film is actually kind of sweet.

There are plot holes galore and a lot of things don’t make sense but it doesn’t necessarily need to. This wasn’t made to make you think, it was made to make you smile… and buy lots of Big Macs and Coke products.

Also, I loved the intensity of the Alan Silvestri score.

Rating: 5.25/10
Pairs well with: other blatant ripoffs of E.T. but if I’m being honest, this is the best of the lot. This also plays well as a double feature with Spaced Invaders.