Film Review: Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II (1987)

Also known as: Prom Night 2 (shortened title), The Haunting of Hamilton High (Germany)
Release Date: May 11th, 1987 (Cannes)
Directed by: Bruce Pittman
Written by: Ron Oliver
Music by: Paul Zaza
Cast: Michael Ironside, Wendy Lyon, Justin Louis, Lisa Schrage, Richard Monette

Simcom Limited, Allarcom Limited, British Columbia Television, Norstar Releasing, Alliance Atlantis, The Samuel Goldwyn Company, 97 Minutes

Review:

“It’s not who you come with, it’s who takes you home.” – Mary Lou Maloney

Surprisingly, I had never seen this movie before. But thanks to it being featured on The Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs, I finally got to check it out. I also had no idea that this wasn’t an actual sequel to the first film and was it’s own thing that only took the Prom Night title after it was filmed. I guess that was to market it better.

Originally titled The Haunting of Hamilton High, this cheap Canadian horror film stands out well on its own and maybe would’ve had more of a cult following had it stuck to that original title. And even though its premise borrows quite heavily from Carrie, it’s different enough to not just be a simple ripoff of that film.

Also, like Carrie, the girl with the magical powers that ruins the prom is an innocent victim. However, she is played up here as evil because I guess sluts are bad. But before she died, she was simply horny and cheating on her boyfriend. Now her boyfriend burns her alive but it was an accident. But the adult version of him, played by Michael Ironside, is pretty much a target when Mary Lou comes back from the dead 30 years later.

So with magic and the undead involved, this isn’t a straight up slasher like its predecessor in name only. This is one of those supernatural slashers, where the evil presence possesses other people and also uses a sort of telekinetic power. Or she just attacks as an invisible ghost, it’s hard to say which one it is for sure when she murders the pregnant teen by hanging her. But later on, she does telekinetically explode neon signs, which impale a girl.

While this is not a great movie, it doesn’t need to be. It does its job, it entertains and it leaves horny teenagers in its wake. What more do you want with an ’80s horror picture? Sure, it could have gored it up a bit more but it’s not completely lacking in that regard.

Also, Michael Ironside is a fucking bawse!

Rating: 6.5/10
Pairs well with: Carrie and all its sequels/reboots, as well as the other Prom Night movies even if they are unrelated.

Film Review: Blood Harvest (1987)

Also known as: The Marvelous Mervo (video title), Nightmare (alternate title)
Release Date: 1987 (limited)
Directed by: Bill Rebane
Written by: Frank Kinnikin, Ben Benson, Emil Joseph, Chris Vaalar, William Arthur
Music by: George Daugherty
Cast: Tiny Tim, Itonia Salchek, Lori Minneti, Peter Krause

Shooting Ranch, 90 Minutes

Review:

“A cocktail of vengeance and lust…” – tagline

This was a run of the mill, no budget, slasher film shot in one boring location that isn’t very interesting. Also, this picture is almost completely forgettable. However, there is one thing that makes this a memorable and dare I say it, a notable film. That would be the casting of Tiny Tim as a weirdo fiftysomething that dresses like a clown and just walks into people’s homes uninvited.

Still, this is a pretty awful film that will not resonate in any way with most people. But it is still a neat thing to check out for those of us that like bottom of the barrel horror schlock and cinematic oddities.

Tiny Tim doesn’t make or break the movie but his performance is certainly one to behold. He acts alone in most scenes, as he isn’t good at exchanging lines with other actors. So I guess I have to give the director some props in protecting Tiny Tim and for playing off of his bizarre strengths, which include singy song line delivery, soliloquies and just standing around being a creeper. And I don’t say that to sound insulting to Tiny Tim but he has a strange presence and personality, which is why he works in the role the way it was written and presented.

The rest of the cast is forgettable, although the two ladies in this were pretty hot and Itonia Salchek seemed to be allergic to clothing, which is a condition that I try to be very aware and accepting of.

There is a twist to this too, as you pretty much assume that Tiny Tim is going to be the slasher in this film. I mean, it seems pretty obvious but he’s just a red herring. But also, I guess it’s not a twist, as it becomes real obvious who the killer is way before the reveal happens. I don’t think that this was intentional but shoddy filmmaking, editing and performance give it away prematurely.

Anyway, I didn’t find this film to be a waste of time but most people will most assuredly disagree with me on that.

Rating: 4.75/10
Pairs well with: other lost gems that were featured on The Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs. Check the tag in the post header for more.

Film Review: Neon Maniacs (1986)

Also known as: Evil Dead Warriors (Philippines)
Release Date: March, 1986 (Paris Festival of Fantastic Films)
Directed by: Joseph Mangine
Written by: Mark Patrick Carducci
Music by: Kendall Schmidt
Cast: Leilani Sarelle, Alan Hayes, Andrew Divoff, P.R. Paul, Victor Brandt, Jessie Lawrence Ferguson

Anchor Bay Entertainment, Castle Hill Productions Inc., Bedford Entertainment Inc., 91 Minutes

Review:

“Now let me get this straight. You’re telling me that these, these things are inside the Golden Gate Bridge, one. Two, that they only come out at night. And three, that they’re responsible for the death of fifteen or more kids and three of my police officers? [breaks down laughing]” – Lt. Devin

I never actually knew of this film’s existence but based off of the poster, I’m pretty sure I would have rented this as a kid in the ’80s had I seen the video box somewhere. The only reason I found this is because it was suggested to me by Amazon and it was free for Prime members. Also, that same week, someone else mentioned the film.

Well, it does something kind of cool, which is that it has these monsters that have their own unique looks. They’re either a type of zombie or a breed of demon, it’s hard to really tell, but each one has its own gimmick. Almost like they were trying to turn them into a toy line.

There’s a samurai demon, a berserker demon and a bunch of other weird random ass demons.

But the fun stops there.

The film is dull as hell. The first big encounter with the demon creatures was decent but it certainly isn’t as good as what had become the slasher standard of the time.

Ultimately, this is poorly shot, poorly directed, poorly acted, has terrible sound, awful lighting and I’ve seen better cinematography in an episode of America’s Funniest People from 1989.

This was a tough film to sit through and I’m a guy that watches a large portion of dreadful motion pictures.

That poster is way too cool for this movie.

Rating: 2.75/10
Pairs well with: The Dead Pit, The Kindred, Slime City and The Brain.

Film Review: Halloween (2018)

Release Date: September 8th, 2018 (Toronto International Film Festival)
Directed by: David Gordon Green
Written by: Jeff Fradley, Danny McBride, David Gordon Green
Based on: characters by John Carpenter, Debra Hill
Music by: John Carpenter, Cody Carpenter, Daniel Davies
Cast: Jamie Lee Curtis, Judy Greer, Andi Matichak, Will Patton, Toby Huss, Virginia Gardner, Nick Castle

Miramax, Blumhouse Productions, Trancas International Films, Rough House Pictures, Universal Pictures, 105 Minutes

Review:

“There’s a reason we’re supposed to be afraid of this night.” – Hawkins

Well, the highly anticipated Halloween is here.

This film is a direct sequel to the first movie and thus, ignores everything that came after the original film. So no hospital movie, no Michael hunting little Jamie, no Paul Rudd fighting a weirdo cult, no LL Cool J as a poor security guard and no Busta Rhymes karate moves. Most importantly though, none of that white trash Rob Zombie crap. Although, I did like Malcolm McDowell.

I guess the coolest thing about this isn’t bringing back Jamie Lee Curtis and John Carpenter (in some capacity), it’s actually getting Nick Castle back to play the Shape, as he was the original Michael Myers. Side note: did you know that the Shape a.k.a. Michael Myers directed The Last Starfighter?

Anyway, jumping right in, I thought that the first half hour or so of the movie was slow. All of that could have been condensed down to ten minutes, really. This is a slasher film and doesn’t need to give us giant spoonfuls of exposition. Just give us the quick rundown of where the story is and go for it.

After that first half hour, things really pick up but I felt that the middle act of the picture almost went too fast. Michael starts killing and he kills a lot. However, once you get to the big finale at the Strode house in the woods, it slows to a crawl again.

I get that this final act was an attempt at building tension, which it does do well, but as Laurie carefully moved through her house looking for Michael, I was just sitting in my chair thinking, “Hurry it up, already.” I mean, if she was so prepared for Michael coming for her, she should of lived in a one room cabin and not a maze full of mannequins and junk store trinkets.

As far as the kills go, it was a mixed bag. Too many kills happen off screen, which I hate in a slasher film. Commit to the f’n bit and show it! Show it all! What’s more baffling is that the kills that they do show are pretty brutal. So why give us a mixture of violent kills and off screen kills? Were the filmmakers teetering on making this PG-13?

One thing about this movie that really got me into it though was the use of John Carpenter’s music. He did the score for this one and kept it very traditional and tapped into the themes of the original. However, as the film rolls on, those famous tunes start to evolve and Carpenter did some really neat stuff musically. I’ll probably buy this film’s score on vinyl if I come across it at my local record shop.

Another positive is the psychology of this film. I don’t mean to spoil anything but this starts out like a typical Halloween film once Michael gets free but eventually you come to see that the hunter is actually the hunted. Laurie Strode wanted him outside again so that she could finally kill him and finally close this long, dark chapter of her life. Laurie becomes a badass and spends decades preparing for this night in an effort to deal with her PTSD. It’s ruined her life, her marriages, her family and she just wants to put this MFer to bed, once and for all.

However, even though I prefer this movie to H2O, I preferred the other version of Laurie Strode better. Also, that film had that great iconic moment where Laurie and Michael come face to face through a small window. That really was a great moment and gave that film more meaning than it should have had. This new film didn’t have that sort of confrontation, which would’ve actually done more to build tension than Laurie slowly walking through a dark house with a shotgun. Having Laurie and Michael look into each others eyes is something that needed to happen, it froze me in my seat when I saw that in H2O. Nothing about this Halloween came close to having that effect on me.

In the end, I was really happy with the movie. It hits the right notes, most of the time. It was also a great homage to the original film and a few other horror classics. We haven’t had a good slasher film in quite awhile and this at least satisfied the part of me that’s been yearning for a real throwback to my favorite era and subgenre of horror.

Rating: 7/10
Pairs well with: Halloween 1245 and 6.

Film Review: Curse of Chucky (2013)

Also known as: Child’s Play 6 (working title)
Release Date: August 2nd, 2013 (Fantasia International Film Festival)
Directed by: Don Mancini
Written by: Don Mancini
Based on: characters by Don Mancini
Music by: Joseph LoDuca
Cast: Fiona Dourif, Danielle Bisutti, Brennan Elliott, Maitland McConnell, Chantal Quesnel, Summer H. Howell, A Martinez, Brad Dourif, Jennifer Tilly (cameo), Alex Vincent (cameo)

Universal 1440 Entertainment, Universal Pictures, 97 Minutes

Review:

“25 years. Since then a lot of families have come and gone; the Barclays, the Kincaids, the Tillys. But you know Nica, your family was always my favorite. And now, you’re the last one standing… So to speak! [laughs manically, then glares down at Nica]” – Chucky

This came out after a long break from Child’s Play films. The later sequels: Bride of Chucky and Seed of Chucky got so humorous and weird that the darker spirit of the franchise was gone and the films sort of became parodies of themselves.

Curse of Chucky did a pretty decent job at correcting the tone, as Chucky, while still humorous because he always has been, is much scarier, more evil and also back to being more patient in how he reveals himself to his victims.

The one thing that this picture does really well is suspense. It’s a slow build until we really get to see Chucky at his murderous best. Sure, he kills and at first glance, it might suck that these heinous acts aren’t captured on film as they happen but the wait is worth the payoff, as once Chucky reveals himself to one of the main characters, shit truly hits the fan.

Now the film does feel really confined, as it primarily just takes place within one house. However, this actually benefits the film, as you feel the doom closing in and tightening its grip. Add in the fact that the main character is stuck in a wheelchair in a multilevel house and you really feel like you’re stuck in a sardine can with a live piranha by the climax. Those two key elevator scenes were fantastic as well and really served to make the environment work for the movie.

It was nice to see Chucky return to a darker, broodier tone. However, the film, sadly, isn’t as fun as the original three. Those still had a real darkness about them but they were more exiting and they have actually aged really well, considering their budget and time of release.

But I think that this and its follow up Cult of Chucky were good entries in the Child’s Play franchise. I had hoped to see more but I guess they’re going to reboot the series in the near future for some dumb reason.

Rating: 6.75/10
Pairs well with: he Cult of Chucky, it’s direct sequel and the original Child’s Play trilogy when they were still really dark.

Film Review: See No Evil (2006)

Also known as: Eye Scream Man, Goodnight, The Goodnight Man (working titles)
Release Date: May 19th, 2006
Directed by: Gregory Dark
Written by: Dan Madigan
Music by: Tyler Bates
Cast: Kane, Samantha Noble, Christina Vidal, Luke Pegler, Michael J. Pagan

WWE Films, Lionsgate Films, 84 Minutes

Review:

“[to Jacob. Referring to Kira in the cage] I’d like you to tell me… why is that whore still alive?” – Margaret

I have yet to see a single movie that has made me believe that WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment) should be in the motion picture business. And really, they aren’t in the real motion picture business, they are just using the medium to try and make their stars more relevant and to try and draw new audiences to their product. The only way that See No Evil could possibly succeed at this, is due to the fact that WWE’s wrestling programs are actually better than this abhorrent film.

I never wanted to see this but since it was on Shudder and incredibly short, I finally gave it a watch.

Whatever low bar I had for it though, wasn’t low enough.

So Kane, the WWE wrestler and current Mayor of Knox County, Tennessee, plays a brutish beast of a man that is obsessed with mauling and mutilating people. He likes to take their eyes and he keeps a nice collection of them. He also uses a meat hook on a chain as his weapon of choice, which I will admit, was cool to see and was applied quite creatively, especially when used from the ceiling.

Anyway, there is more to his character and his backstory but I won’t spoil it, as I’m sure everyone is dying to watch this if they haven’t already.

So most of the movie takes place in this giant, disgusting, abandoned hotel. A bunch of petty criminals are sent there to clean it up as part of their community service punishment. This hotel is so gross that f’n bums wouldn’t want to live there. Granted, we do find out that some did but Kane stole their eyes. Anyway, there is no way any city government would send a bunch of degenerates to clean this place up. It should be condemned. The hotel is definitely unsalvageable and should be burnt to the f’n ground.

I don’t know, this movie is everything you’d expect it to be but much worse. It is terribly edited, uses ’90s thrash metal music video editing tricks and it just looks like some cliche slasher film a couple stoned film students would put together and get a D on because their parents are boosters and you can’t fail the kids of your financiers.

See No Evil got a sequel for some reason, eight years later. I’ll probably watch it to roast it in a review but I’m not in any sort of rush.

Rating: 3.75/10
Pairs well with: See No Evil 2, and the Hatchet film series.

Film Review: Slice (2018)

Also known as: Kingfisher (working title)
Release Date: September 11th, 2018 (Internet)
Directed by: Austin Vesely
Written by: Austin Vesely
Music by: Nathan Matthew David, Ludwig Göransson
Cast: Chance Bennett, Zazie Beetz, Chris Parnell, Paul Scheer, Rae Gray, Joe Keery, Hannibal Buress

Frëhand, N2ition Cinema, A24, 83 Minutes

Review:

“Looks like I’m going on a wolf hunt tonight.” – Astrid

I was pretty hyped for this movie when I first saw a trailer for it. It looked low budget and cheesy but it also looked really creative and fun and I’m really liking Zazie Beetz after seeing her in Deadpool 2. Plus, this has Joe Keery in it and he’s my favorite person from Stranger Things.

But sadly, it was a big disappointment.

The film is a comedy horror story but if the comedy doesn’t work, you’ve got one big dud of a movie. Just nothing in this was all that funny and most attempts at trying to be funny where all pretty cringe worthy. It felt like a really stale CBS sitcom without the laugh track.

I mean, sure, it was bloodier than a CBS show with some decent slasher moments but this was poorly written grade school humor that was beneath the talents of most of the people in it. Paul Scheer can be great or he can be terrible but it’s based off of the material he’s given. And really, the same goes for Chris Parnell, whose scenes with the witches were like the worst shit that Saturday Night Live has pumped out in the modern era.

I really wanted to like this because on paper, this very much should have been my cup of tea. Instead, it was a luke warm cup of piss.

Some of the effects were good but it certainly doesn’t live up to the basic standard of what CGI should be in 2018.

Chance Bennett was really the high point of the film but by the time he takes the reins, in the second half, this cat turd was already dried up and ready to be scooped into a bag.

I guess I now know why this got a one night theater run on only a few screens.

If you have to see this, wait till it’s streaming free somewhere. I want my $5 back.

Rating: 4.25/10
Pairs well with: Summer of ’84, Blood Fest and Arizona.