Documentary Review: Marvel 75 Years: From Pulp to Pop! (2014)

Release Date: November 4th, 2014
Music by: Lauren Pardini, Daniel Sternbaum
Cast: Axel Alonso, Hayley Atwell, Gerry Conway, Louis D’Esposito, Alan Fine, Seth Green, Clark Gregg, Jimmy Kimmel, Stan Lee, Ralph Macchio, Todd McFarlane, Patton Oswalt, Nicole Perlman, Joe Quesada, Peter Sanderson, Jim Shooter, Kevin Smith, Jim Starlin, Emily VanCamp, Len Wein, Ming-Na Wen

ABC Studios, Disney, Marvel, 42 Minutes

Review:

I recently reviewed a short, made-for-TV documentary on Disney+ called Assembling a Universe. That one was a piece on how Disney and Marvel assembled a movie franchise based off of Marvel’s rich treasure trove of characters and stories.

This short documentary is kind of more of the same but it focuses mostly on the comic books themselves and how Marvel grew into what it is today.

Like the previous documentary, which came out earlier in the same year, this one is really just a marketing tool to try and get people to go see their movies. It’s made by Disney, Marvel and ABC, all of whom are essentially the same company, so this is made to sort of pimp themselves out.

Ultimately, this is an autobiographical puff piece. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t things of value in it. It’s informative and gives you a good amount of info to start with for those interested in Marvel’s history but there are much better documentaries, books and magazine articles on the subject.

Rating: 6/10
Pairs well with: Assembling a Universe and Empire of Dreams.

Documentary Review: Comic-Con – Episode IV: A Fan’s Hope (2011)

Release Date: September 10th, 2011 (Toronto International Film Festival)
Directed by: Morgan Spurlock
Written by: Jeremy Chilnick, Morgan Spurlock, Joss Whedon
Music by: Jeff Peters
Cast: Joss Whedon, Guillermo del Toro, Kevin Smith, Stan Lee, Kenneth Branagh, Eli Roth, Seth Rogen, Thomas Jane, Seth Green, Edgar Wright, Corey Feldman, Paul Scheer, Todd McFarlane, Matt Groening, Frank Miller, Gerard Way, Grant Morrison, Paul Dini, Joe Quesada, various

Mutant Enemy, Thomas Tull Productions, Warrior Poets, 88 Minutes

Review:

“I think the fans are the most important thing in the comic book business. And I might add, in any form of entertainment. I feel… you gotta be nice to the fans because without them… you’re nothing.” – Stan Lee

Here we go, these nerdy fan documentaries are a dime a dozen but I guess this one got some recognition for being well produced and for featuring a slew of famous nerd-centric personalities.

I didn’t know that this was a Morgan Spurlock film until I was already watching it. Had I known that, I probably wouldn’t have watched it. Reason being, I think the guy’s a f’n hack and disingenuous. His most popular film Super Size Me was unwatchable to anyone that can see through a ruse, which it was. It wasn’t science, it wasn’t a real test to see how fast food effects you, it was one man’s entertaining mockumentary, sold as a legit documentary and damnation of the fast food industry. His documentary series on FX was also mostly a big bullshit endeavor where he went into everything with a bias then cherry picked info and edited everything down to the narrative he wanted. He’s the reason behind the modern alteration to an old phrase, “No shit, Spurlock!”

Anyway, this is exactly what you’d think it is. A bunch of famous nerdy types talk about their nerdy shit and their love for the San Diego Comic Con, which is barely about comic books at this point and isn’t anywhere near as cool as it once was. You missed the boat by a decade or so, Spurlock.

The only thing I really liked about this was seeing the behind the scenes stuff on cosplay. I don’t normally give a shit about cosplay but it was interesting to see, nonetheless.

As far as the interviewees, the only one that stuck with me was Stan Lee. Everything else was edited so choppy that the vast majority of comments could have been things out of context and then just thrown together for Spurlock to manufacture whatever narrative he was going for. Stan Lee’s bit was heartwarming though but that’s because he’s Stan Lee and he always has eloquent shit to say.

You’d probably be alright if you never watched this. It doesn’t do anything to inspire you to go to San Diego Comic Con. If anything, it told me to stay away because I like comics and don’t give a crap about massive celebrity panels or Joss Whedon publicly ranting about lefty hysteria.

Rating: 5/10
Pairs well with: any of the dozens of other documentaries about nerd conventions or nerdy hobbies, there are so many.

Film Review: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)

Release Date: July 31st, 1992
Directed by: Fran Rubel Kuzui
Written by: Joss Whedon
Music by: Carter Burwell
Cast: Kristy Swanson, Donald Sutherland, Paul Reubens, Rutger Hauer, Luke Perry, Hilary Swank, David Arquette, Stephen Root, Thomas Jane, Sasha Jenson, Ben Affleck (uncredited), Ricki Lake (uncredited), Seth Green (uncredited), Alexis Arquette

Sandollar, Kuzui Enterprises, 20th Century Fox, 86 Minutes

Review:

“Does the word “duh” mean anything to you?” – Buffy

Joss Whedon wasn’t a fan of this version of his Buffy character and five years later, he developed a television series that reflected what he saw in his mind. Most fans prefer the television show but I guess I have to be the odd man out or maybe it’s because I am often times a contrarian but I prefer this movie. I’ll explain though, that’s why I’m here.

First, I have always loved Kristy Swanson. This isn’t a battle over who is hotter between Swanson or Sarah Michelle Gellar, as both are gorgeous, but Swanson’s personality and the way she played this role was more my cup of tea. And if Buffy is going to be a valley girl high schooler, Swanson fits the part better for me. Not to discount Gellar’s work because she was great in her own way and played Buffy as a much more complex character. But let’s be honest, she also had seven seasons and 144 episodes to grow in that role, Swanson had less than 90 minutes.

I also love the supporting cast of the movie better. I mean the villains are Rutger Hauer and Paul Reubens for chrissakes! And man, both of those guys ham it the hell up in this and just fit the tone of the film perfectly. Reubens ad-libbed in a lot of scenes and it made for a better movie and for a more entertaining character.

You also have Luke Perry, at the height of his popularity, and I’m not afraid to admit that I watched Beverly Hills 90210 during its peak. It was the hottest show on television and I was in middle school. Plus, I met Luke Perry when I was young, just by coincidence, and he was really f’n cool.

This movie is cheesy as all hell but it is supposed to be. It captures that ’90s teen vibe really well but overall, this is just a really fun movie that I can put on at any time and still enjoy for its absurdity and its awesomeness.

I knew that once the TV show came out, that we’d never get a proper followup to this version of Buffy. But since the TV show has its own comics, it’d be cool if someone did a comic book sequel to this incarnation of that universe. Or hell, maybe even a Buffy vs. Buffy crossover. Who owns the comic book rights now? IDW? Dark Horse? Boom? Dynamite? I don’t know but whoever it is, get on it!

Rating: 7/10
Pairs well with: Other ’90s teen horror comedies: Idle HandsThe FacultyFreddy’s Dead, etc. I also like pairing this with Encino Man for some reason.

Film Review: Idle Hands (1999)

Release Date: April 30th, 1999
Directed by: Rodman Flender
Written by: Terri Hughes, Ron Milbauer
Music by: Graeme Revell
Cast: Devon Sawa, Seth Green, Elden Henson, Vivica A. Fox, Jessica Alba, Jack Noseworthy, Robert Englund (voice), Fred Willard, Connie Ray, Kelly Monaco, The Offspring

Licht/Mueller Film Corporation, Team Todd, TriStar Pictures, Columbia Pictures, 92 Minutes

Review:

“There is evil out there, and I’m gonna kick its ass!” – Debi

Idle Hands is a bizarre and fun movie.

It follows a stoner and his buds. The main stoner, played by Devon Sawa, who was a hot commodity circa 1999, has a possessed hand. His hand murders his parents very violently while he is asleep. The rest of the film sees him trying to control his hand, as it yanks him around like a rag doll while looking for more people to murder.

This isn’t a film that did well when it came out and critics weren’t kind to it. It is sort of a niche movie that found its audience once it hit video stores. I remember that it developed a cult following pretty quickly and when I was in my early twenties, this was on the TV at a lot of parties. And rightfully so, as it is unique, cool and has a certain charm to it.

I have always been a fan of horror, especially when it has a comedy element to it. This film has the right balance between its scares and its laughs. It is also pretty gory, which was still fairly normal in 1999 before the ’00s brought tame PG-13 horror.

Seth Green has played a lot of good characters, the best of them always seeming to be an extension of himself. Here, he plays maybe his best character as one of the stoner buds. After he dies, early in the film, he is basically a zombie pothead with a bottle lodged into his forehead. The other stoner, who walks around holding his decapitated head, was played by Elden Henson, who modern audiences will probably recognize as Foggy Nelson from the Daredevil series on Netflix.

Jessica Alba is also in this, as the apple of the stoner’s eye, and she’s never been more adorable. Most guys my age fell in love with her in the TV show Dark Angel but it was Idle Hands that got me crushin’ on her hard.

I also love that Fred Willard is in this, albeit briefly, as the father of Sawa’s character. He meets his violent demise pretty quickly in the film but Willard is enjoyable in everything. Here, he is a straitlaced dad that’s sick of his stoner son being a useless coach potato with no ambition.

This movie has really good style. I love the set design, the characters’ looks and the score is actually pretty damn good.

I love the opening theme by Graeme Revell, as it truly sets the tone of the picture. The rest of the film is accented by Revell’s score mixed with a lot of notable ’90s rock. The Offspring even play the school dance, where they cover The Ramones “I Wanna Be Sedated”.

Idle Hands is just a good time if you are into horror comedies with a good amount of gross out moments.

Rating: 6.75/10
Pairs well with: Disturbing BehaviorThe FacultyCan’t Hardly WaitBrainscan and Final Destination.

Film Review: Arcade (1993)

Also known as: Arcatron (Spain), Cyber World (Germany)
Release Date: July 20th, 1993 (Germany)
Directed by: Albert Pyun
Written by: David S. Goyer, Charles Band
Music by: Alan Howarth, Tony Riparetti
Cast: Megan Ward, Peter Billingsley, John de Lancie, Sharon Farrell, Seth Green, A.J. Langer, Bryan Dattilo

Full Moon Entertainment, Paramount Pictures, 85 Minutes

Review:

“Games like Arcade go beyond interaction. I’m telling you, man, Virtual Reality is the way of the future!” – Nick

Arcade is a movie about a video game machine called “Arcade”, which is confusing, as the place where video game machines are held is called an “arcade”. Did the makers of the game not have any creativity? Well, if you actually see their game in this movie, the answer is definitely “yes.”

This movie is terrible in the way that sitting in the waiting area of a pediatric doctor’s office in a room full of fussy sick kids with millennial parents handing them iPads is terrible.

This actually has some known people in it. John de Lancie, Q from Star Trek, actually plays a sort of sinister corporate asshole that runs the company that manufactured this killer arcade game. Then you have Megan Ward, most notably from Encino Man, Seth Green, A.J. Langer and A Christmas Story‘s Ralphie, Peter Billingsley.

Granted, the acting lineup isn’t one that should wow anyone but considering that this is the cast of a Full Moon movie, the lineup is somewhat impressive.

The film is about a killer arcade machine that lures in teens, throws some shoddy virtual reality at them and eats their souls. Actually, I sat through this entire thing and I’m not really sure I even understand how it works.

I’ve heard people knock the video game and its look but this isn’t too dissimilar from what virtual reality technology was at the time, as far as its visuals went. However, the game is of very poor design and completely uninteresting, nonsensical and looks like an absolute bore to play. I mean, you skateboard through a dungeon with kitchen utensils sticking out of the wall, trying to avoid a yellow ball of light.

I don’t know how this movie has a 5.2 on IMDb. People have no taste.

It’s films like this that made me wish I didn’t have to do a full write up and I could just do movie reviews with a simple GIF reflecting my reaction after seeing them.

Rating: 3.75/10
Pairs well with: Brainscan and The Lawnmower Man.

Film Review: It (1990)

Release Date: November 18th & 20th, 1990
Directed by: Tommy Lee Wallace
Written by: Lawrence D. Cohen, Tommy Lee Wallace
Based on: It by Stephen King
Music by: Richard Bellis
Cast: Harry Anderson, Dennis Christopher, Richard Masur, Annette O’Toole, Tim Reid, John Ritter, Richard Thomas, Tim Curry, Jonathan Brandis, Seth Green, Emily Perkins, Olivia Hussey

Lorimar Productions, DawnField Entertainment, The Konigsberg & Sanitsky Company, Greeb & Epstein Productions, Warner Bros., ABC, 192 Minutes (original), 187 Minutes (DVD version)

Review:

“Kiss me, fat boy!” – Pennywise

When the announcement that a new It film was being made, fans on social media were all like, “What the hell? You can’t remake a classic!” Really?! A classic? Do people actually think that the original It was a good movie (or television miniseries, actually)? Do they really remember it? Or are they seeing it through nostalgic glasses, as they haven’t watched it since 1990 and just recall being terrified by Tim Curry as Pennywise the evil clown?

It really sucks. No, it really does. Then again, I have never been a huge Stephen King fan. I do enjoy the film adaptations of some of his work though but this one is a boring shitty mess littered with some atrocious special effects, even for 1990 TV miniseries standards.

There are only two cool things about this film.

The first is the cast. Most of the characters are made up of television actors that I like: John Ritter, Annette O’Tooler, Tim Reid, Harry Anderson, etc. The second is that Tim Curry is scary and sinister as Pennywise. However, Pennywise is sparsely used. He is such a good monster though, that you kind of beg for him to appear when he’s not on the screen but that’s really just because the rest of the movie is a chore to sit through.

The big monster at the end is just some stop motion animated giant crab spider thing with a glowing stomach. The effects used to create the monster are horrendous. And the heroes kill this massive armored beast by simply pushing it on its side and ripping out its intestines or something. If they would have just done that simple task as kids, I wouldn’t have had to waste so much time on this seventeen hour movie.

People that think that this long, drawn out, boring piece of shit is a good film are the type of people that buy Coldplay records and NCIS on DVD, even though it is streaming for free everywhere. It is an awful, dull and terrible miniseries. Its fans are awful, dull and terrible people.

Does It deserve to be run through the Cinespiria Shitometer? Oh, you bet your dumpy ass it does! So what we have here is a “Type 6 Stool: Fluffy pieces with ragged edges, a mushy stool.”

Rating: 2.5/10

Film Review: My Stepmother Is An Alien (1988)

Release Date: December 9th, 1988
Directed by: Richard Benjamin
Written by:  Jerico Stone, Herschel Weingrod, Timothy Harris, Jonathan Reynolds, Uncredited: Richard Benner, Leslie Bricusse, Debra Frank, Susan Rice, Paul Rudnick, Carl Sautter
Music by: Alan Silvestri
Cast: Dan Aykroyd, Kim Basinger, Jon Lovitz, Alyson Hannigan, Joseph Maher, Seth Green, Ann Prentiss, Harry Shearer, Juliette Lewis

Weintraub Entertainment Group, Columbia Pictures, 105 Minutes

Review:

“I saw her drink the battery juice from your Honda!” – Jessie Mills

My Stepmother Is An Alien is not one of those beloved classic comedy films of the 1980s, even though it stars Dan Aykroyd. It also has Jon Lovitz but this was before he really found his comedic stride.

For some reason, I always liked it though. Maybe it is because I had the hots for Kim Basinger when I was a kid and was mesmerized by her in 1989’s Batman. Or maybe because I thought Alyson Hannigan was kinda cute. Hey, we were both kids then. In any event, I liked the movie. Although, I hadn’t seen it in a really long time.

Revisiting it now, I see a film with a plethora of flaws and major issues. However, I still kind of liked it. It had charm and it was lighthearted, fun and a safe mindless movie. It’s pretty much lowest common denominator 80s comedy schlock but sometimes that sort of schlock works for me.

No, I don’t want to watch this all the time or even revisit it in the near future but it has the right sort of vibe when you just want something cute and fun to lighten the mood and kill a few hours of your time.

The film is bizarre and hokey but everyone in this thing looks like they had a blast making it. Sure, the chemistry between Aykroyd and Basinger is weird but it’s supposed to be and ultimately, despite that weirdness, they seem genuine.

Alyson Hannigan, as a child actress playing in her first movie, does a dynamite job and is incredibly believable as a young kid in distress over her discovery that her stepmother is an alien. Unfortunately, she is quick to switch gears which sort of thwarts her performance from that point on but that’s the writing and not her fault.

If you don’t have high expectations and just want to lay back and chill with something goofy and fun, then give the film a shot.

Rating: 6.25/10