Film Review: Death Wish V: The Face of Death (1994)

Release Date: January 14th, 1994
Directed by: Allan A. Goldstein
Written by: Allan A. Goldstein, Michael Colleary
Based on: characters by Brian Garfield
Music by: Terry Plumeri
Cast: Charles Bronson, Lesley-Anne Dowd, Michael Parks, Saul Rubinek, Ken Welsh, Robert Joy

21st Century Film Corporation, Trimark Pictures, 95 Minutes

Review:

“Let the law take these guys down. You know, sometimes the law works.” – Lt. Mickey King, “And sometimes it doesn’t! These people, they steal, they murder, they destroy people’s lives and they get away with it! They have alibis, money, lawyers, power. They have everything.” – Paul Kersey

This is the worst Death Wish movie. But that’s like saying that missionary is the worst sex position. Because frankly, you’re still having sex and that’s way better than not having sex.

Charles Bronson is back for the final time and this round, he gets to ham it up with Michael Parks, who makes a good final villain for the series.

This one is kind of bizarre though, in that it all takes place in and around the fashion industry. Bronson’s new girlfriend (and soon to be fiance a.k.a. dead) owns a fashion house but her ex-baby daddy is a piece of shit gangster that has his slimy hands in the business and is making her life hell.

Bronson’s Paul Kersey tries to fight back to save his new love and her daughter but this bad guy pretty much owns the town. So leaks in the district attorney’s office lead to tragedy and thus, intense revenge at the hands of Kersey.

Robert Joy also pops up in this, as probably the creepiest character he’s ever played. The scene where he’s dressed in drag, sneaks into the women’s restroom and then starts smashing Kersey’s fiance’s face repeatedly into a mirror is absolutely fucking brutal. And while I wouldn’t say that this is as violent as the Death Wish movies put out by Cannon, the moments of violence seem much more realistic and terrifying.

Despite a heaping pile of flaws, this is still damn enjoyable to Death Wish fans. It’s lacking that ’80s Cannon Films magic but Bronson, Parks and Joy all carry the picture. Additionally, Saul Rubinek brings something solid to the movie too.

Rating: 5.75/10
Pairs well with: the other Death Wish movies and the Dirty Harry film series.

Film Review: Aliens Vs. Predator: Requiem (2007)

Also known as: AvP2, Alien vs. Predator: Survival of the Fittest (working titles), Colorado Nights (fake working title), AvPR (short title)
Release Date: December 25th, 2007
Directed by: The Brothers Strause
Written by: Shane Salerno
Based on: characters by Dan O’Bannon & Ronald Shusett and Jim Thomas & John Thomas
Music by: Brian Tyler
Cast: Steven Pasquale, Reiko Aylesworth, John Ortiz, Johnny Lewis, Ariel Gade, Sam Trammell, Robert Joy

Davis Entertainment, Dune Entertainment, Brandywine Productions, 20th Century Fox, 94 Minutes, 102 Minutes (Unrated Version)

Review:

“This plan is stupid. Let’s just leave town now.” – Dale

The quote I used above is the same thing I said to my friends when they planned to see this movie. No, really… it is.

I wasn’t too enthused about going to this picture because I wasn’t much of a fan of its predecessor. Being that this was a sequel to that, I figured it’d be even worse. It was.

Granted, I did like the setting and what this film could have been.

It didn’t take place inside of some subterranean bullshit temple under Antarctica. This was set in small town Colorado and featured forests and an environment similar to the original Predator while also having a feeling similar to First Blood, the greatest of all Rambo movies.

Additionally, this film gave us the Predalien, a hybrid of both ultraviolent alien species, which on paper, should have been an incredibly formidable beast that upped the ante, threw this thing into high gear and pretty much should have been able to rule the world with its minions and babies.

What we got though was a dull movie where the filmmakers didn’t seem to care too much about the Alien and Predator franchises and really just wanted to make a gore filled slasher flick with aliens. And not even a good slasher flick, which are really hard to screw up because slasher fans have such a low bar and really just want to see a cool monster and a lot of creative yet violent killing. These directors were handed two of the absolute coolest monsters in motion picture history and they still couldn’t make it work.

The biggest blight on this film is the cast. Pretty much everyone is horrible in this. Not a single character is remotely likable and you certainly don’t care when their life is in danger.

The incapable cast and aimless direction made this a spectacle of violence where there was no tension and no real drama. No one mattered, therefore it didn’t matter that the whole town was essentially just a meat processing plant for the monsters to tear through. When the whole town gets nuked at the end, you don’t give a single, solitary shit about it. You also don’t care whether or not the helicopter carrying the heroes is going to outrun the blast.

Why was this so bad? How was it so carelessly crafted?

At least it was rated R and had some solid gory bits but that certainly doesn’t give this thing the license to suck complete ass.

Rating: 4.5/10
Pairs well with: The other films from the Alien and Predator franchises but this is the worst so any other film in the pairing would be a step up.