Film Review: Captain Marvel (2019)

Release Date: February 27th, 2019 (London premiere)
Directed by: Anna Boden, Ryan Fleck
Written by: Anna Boden, Ryan Fleck, Geneva Robertson-Dworet, Nicole Perlman, Meg LeFauve
Based on: Captain Marvel by Stan Lee, Gene Colan, Carol Danvers by Roy Thomas, Gene Colan
Music by: Pinar Toprak
Cast: Brie Larson, Samuel L. Jackson, Ben Mendelsohn, Djimon Hounsou, Lee Pace, Lashana Lynch, Gemma Chan, Annette Bening, Clark Gregg, Jude Law, Kelly Sue DeConnick (cameo)

Marvel Studios, Walt Disney, 124 Minutes

Review:

“You are Carol Danvers. You were the woman on that black box risking her life to do the right thing. My best friend. Who supported me as a mother and a pilot when no one else did. You were smart, and funny, and a huge pain in the ass. And you were the most powerful person I knew, way before you could shoot fire through your fists.” – Maria Rambeau

This was the first Marvel Cinematic Universe movie that I didn’t see in the theater. Frankly, it looked boring and unimaginative and it really has nothing to do with the controversies surrounding the film regardless of what side of the argument your fanboy/girl heart lies on.

Seeing it now, I wasn’t wrong.

This is a drab, mostly pretty boring film. Also, it looks cheap compared to other Marvel movies. This looks more like an episode of a CW superhero show than a film produced by Disney and Marvel. And it’s kind of underwhelming and depressing, really. Especially since this had its fair share of outer space stuff, which Marvel has handled exceedingly well with Thor: Ragnarok and both Guardians of the Galaxy outings.

I think part of the problem is that this film had too many creatives trying to steer the ship. It had two directors and five writers. Fuck, guys… just pick a team of a few people like your best movies and let them make the magic happen. Films made by committees rarely wow anyone.

In regards to Brie Larson, she is, as I’ve said in reviews of other films, a charisma vacuum. She makes charismatic actors around here give uncharismatic performances. Sam Jackson and Jude Law are typically very charismatic and fun to watch. Here, they’re about as entertaining as sleeping dogs.

Throughout this entire film, Brie was told that she’s too emotional yet she barely shows any actual emotion and just delivers her lines with a blank face in monotone. She also does this juvenile smirk all the time that just makes her look like a middle aged soccer mom thinking that she’s still youthful, cute and wishes she was still in high school so she could cozy up to the mean girls.

If this film wasn’t part of the larger MCU canon, it would have come and gone and been completely forgotten already. It’s not even bad to where people can talk for years about how much of a shitshow it was like Catwoman. But this is the future that Disney apparently wants and between this dead on arrival, boring ass film and the slapped together, clusterfuck that Avengers: Endgame was, makes me think that the MCU‘s expiration date was 2019, just a year after it celebrated it’s 10th anniversary.

Usually for a film of this caliber, I’d have a lot more to say. But there isn’t much to talk about with this one. It’s a waste of time, it carries an obvious agenda with it and like things that are trying to be political statements, it fails at conveying that message in a meaningful or genuine way.

Plus, everyone and their mother has torn this film apart already. I don’t think it’s as bad as many people do but it’s certainly a soulless, unemotional, pointless film more concerned with its place in history and trying to challenge societal ideals in the laziest way possible than it is trying to be a fun, escapist piece of entertainment.

But hey, this isn’t as bad as Joss Whedon’s Avengers: Age of Ultron, which still takes the cake as Marvel’s worst. I would put this in my bottom two or three though.

Rating: 6/10
Pairs well with: Everything else in the MCU, I guess.

Top 25 Marvel Movies I’d Like to See After ‘Endgame’

Now that Avengers: Endgame has come and gone and the Marvel Cinematic Universe as we’ve known it is pretty much over, I’m not super enthused about the future.

However, Disney now owns Fox and this opens up a lot of new avenues for the MCU to travel.

It’s not that I couldn’t get excited for more MCU movies, it’s just that I need to feel inspired again. So with that, I thought that I’d create a list of the 25 movies I’d like to see Disney take a stab at.

Oh, I also added a list of 10 I don’t want to see.

The 25 I’d like to see:
1. Asgardians of the Galaxy (a.k.a. a Thor and Guardians team-up)
2. Fantastic Four with Doctor Doom
3. X-Men
4. Black Widow
5. Namor, the Sub Mariner
6. Killmonger
7. Sylvester Stallone Guardians of the Galaxy spinoff
8. Hawkeye (the Ronin years)
9. Silver Surfer including Galactus
10. a sidekicks movie (with War Machine, Falcon/New Captain America and Winter Solider)
11. The Eternals (if done correctly with the Celestials)
12. a Nebula and Gamora movie
13. Howard the Duck
14. Heroes for Hire (merging Luke Cage and Iron Fist and including Misty Knight, Colleen Wing and Jessica Jones)
15. a Charlie Cox Daredevil movie, also including Kingpin and Punisher
16. Inhumans (ignoring the dead on arrival ABC show)
17. Doctor Strange sequels with more Dormammu, possibly Nightmare and Mephisto
18. New Mutants, emphasis on Magik and Limbo
19. a Miles Morales Spider-Man spinoff
20. something with Kang the Conqueror as a villain
21. something with Annihilus as a villain
22. Thunderbolts with a proper Baron Zemo
23. Marvel’s Dracula, possibly featuring Blade
24. Man-Wolf but with his cosmic godlike powers from the ’70s, just some outer space sword and sorcery and high adventure
25. Nova

The 10 I’d prefer not to see:
1. Captain Marvel sequels, unless we get Monica Rambeau taking over
2. Deadpool sequels (unless he’s in an actual X-Force movie)
3. Valkyrie as a new Thor
4. anything involving the Phoenix Force (at least not for like a decade)
5. A-Force
6. Ms. Marvel (because stretchy arms and big fists will look cheesy as hell)
7. Wonder Man
8. Hercules
9. America Chavez
10. Gwenpool

Film Review: Avengers: Endgame (2019)

Release Date: April 22nd, 2019 (Los Angeles premiere)
Directed by: Anthony Russo, Joe Russo
Written by: Christopher Markus, Stephen McFeely
Based on: The Avengers by Stan Lee, Jack Kirby
Music by: Alan Silvestri
Cast: Robert Downey Jr., Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, Chris Pratt, Mark Ruffalo, Scarlett Johansson, Jeremy Renner, Paul Rudd, Brie Larson, Sebastian Stan, Anthony Mackie, Don Cheadle, Jeremy Renner, Chadwick Boseman, Elizabeth Olsen, Tom Holland, Benedict Cumberbatch, Danai Gurira, Letitia Wright, Dave Bautista, Zoe Saldana, Josh Brolin, Tom Hiddleston, Benedict Wong, Pom Klementieff, Karen Gillan, Vin Diesel, Bradley Cooper, Gwyneth Paltrow, William Hurt, Cobie Smulders, Samuel L. Jackson, Ross Marquand, Jon Favreau, Marisa Tomei, Evangeline Lilly, Michael Douglas, Michelle Pfeiffer, Linda Cardellini, Tessa Thompson, Rene Russo, John Slattery, Tilda Swinton, Hayley Atwell, Natalie Portman, Taika Waititi, Angela Bassett, Frank Grillo, Robert Redford, Ty Simpkins, James D’Arcy, Ken Jeong, Yvette Nichole Brown

Marvel Studios, Walt Disney Studios, 181 Minutes

Review:

“You could not live with your own failure, and where did that bring you? Back to me.” – Thanos

*There be spoilers here! But I kept it as minimal as possible.

Here we are… the end.

Well, it’s the end of an era but not the end of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Although, this may be the end for me, as there isn’t much else I’m looking forward to from the MCU after Endgame. Granted, there hasn’t been much news on what’s coming next, either.

But anyway, how was this film? The big, badass finale to a 22 movie franchise?

It was good but it wasn’t anything close to stellar.

My biggest issue with it was that it was a pretty big clusterfuck that had too many parts to try and balance. Where the previous film Infinity War did that just fine, Endgame had so many more extra layers thrown on top of it that it was overkill. I mean every single character that had any sort of significant impact on MCU storylines over 22 films ended up shoehorned into this thing. Even Natalie Portman, who wanted nothing to do with these movies after being in two of them and dialing in a mediocre performance both times.

Also, the time travel element to the story did a bunch of things that didn’t make sense and they also pissed on Back to the Future because it’s easier to shit on a classic (and its fictitious application of quantum physics) than to actually write a coherent time travel story of your own. Endgame opted to go the lazy Doctor Who “timey wimey” route than to concern itself with paradoxes and all that other catastrophic nonsense. They even kill a version of a character from the past and it in no way effects the present version of that same character.

The big battle at the end was the most epic thing that the Marvel Cinematic Universe has done but what should have felt like Marvel’s version of The Return of the King felt more like Ready Player Two. It was a CGI shitfest and I’m not even sure how Spider-Man was web-swinging on a large, open battlefield where the only objects above him were fast moving spaceships going in the opposite of the direction he was swinging in. But whatever, physics is hard, brah.

I liked that this film gave us some closure for some major characters. Granted, I’m not all that happy with what that closure was but like Chris Evans and Robert Downey Jr., I’m also very, very tired of this franchise. I feel like Endgame really is a jumping off point for fans that have rode this train for 11 years that feel like they need a break. I feel like I need a break and even if my mind was made up before this film, Endgame really solidified it.

Although, I am a bit excited for whatever happens with the Guardians of the Galaxy and Thor. As for the rest of the characters and their films, I don’t really care. I think I’m only really enthused about cosmic Marvel and not Earth Marvel, at this point.

Almost all of the acting was damn good, especially in regards to Robert Downey Jr., Karen Gillan, Jeremy Renner and Scarlett Johansson.

Brie Larson on the other hand is a fucking charisma vacuum and every time she was on screen, I felt like I was looking at a first time community theater actress trying to play Nurse Ratched. And the Justin Bieber makeover was terrible. That scene where she blew up the ship and floated there, victoriously, just made me yearn for someone, anyone else to be in that role. My brain immediately thought, “Man, imagine if that was Charlize Theron, the theater would’ve just erupted instead of everyone just sitting here sucking loudly on empty soda cups.” I’m not wrong, I rarely ever am.

Anyway, the movie was messy but it had some really good moments. But this isn’t a movie that can stand on its own. You need the previous 21 films for context or all of this would be lost on you. Sure, it’s emotional and some bits are powerful but without 11 years of context, the weight isn’t there. And I prefer to judge films on their own merits as a sole body of work and not as an episode of a TV show or a chapter in a book. But at the same time, there is no way you can recap everything before this, as this film series is now too damn big.

Well, it’s over I guess. In 2008, it was hard imagining this day. But here it is. And I’m tired.

Rating: 7.75/10
Pairs well with: Everything in the MCU before this film, as it all leads up to this one.

TV Review: Cloak & Dagger (2018- )

Original Run: June 7th, 2018 – current
Created by: Joe Pokaski
Directed by: various
Written by: various
Based on: Cloak & Dagger by Bill Mantlo, Ed Hannigan
Music by: Mark Isham
Cast: Olivia Holt, Aubrey Joseph, Gloria Reuben, Andrea Roth, J. D. Evermore, Miles Mussenden, Carl Lundstedt, Emma Lahana, Jaime Zevallos

Wandering Rocks Productions, ABC Signature Studios, Marvel, Disney-ABC, Freeform, 10 Episodes (so far), 42-49 Minutes (per episode)

Review:

I watched this right after I quit watching Runaways in the middle of its inaugural season. Sadly, this is pretty cringeworthy too and I couldn’t finish it. But at least I got further before my body couldn’t physically hit the “play” button around episode 7 or so.

Cloak & Dagger is lame as hell. Where is the superheroing? 7 episodes into this and they’ve barely explored their powers. This is just teen drama crap that feels more like it belongs in the Twilight franchise than the Marvel Cinematic Universe, where it is supposed to take place.

The acting isn’t terrible but it’s nothing to praise. I mostly like the characters but if I’m being honest, they do not feel like the Tandy Bowen or Tyrone Johnson that I’ve gotten to know in the comics over three decades.

Also, why is this in New Orleans? I mean I love New Orleans but these characters are from New York City and often times cross paths with Spider-Man, Daredevil and other street level heroes of the Big Apple. Honestly, this feels completely separate from the larger universe it is supposed to be a part of.

The writing is slow, dull and I don’t care about the story one friggin’ iota.

The writing is also the biggest source of this show’s cringe. The dialogue is rough, unrefined and sounds like it was written by an intern that won’t get hired by the studio after graduation. Also, this gets pretty sociopolitical, not that that’s a bad thing but the show tends to hit you in the face with Mjolnir when trying to make those statements.

I have no urge to finish this or to watch a second season. I doubt that the show will last much longer and this is just further proof that the MCU is stretching itself way too thin, regardless of each project having its own filmmakers or showrunners. It’s just becoming so tiresome and this put me past the point of exhaustion. I wouldn’t call it “superhero fatigue”, as some people have called this market over saturation of superheroes, I would just call it a lack of the right people to steer these multiple ships.

Rating: 4.75/10
Pairs well with: Marvel’s Runaways, as both are mind numbingly bad and nearly unwatchable.

TV Review: Runaways (2017- )

Original Run: November 21st, 2017 – current
Created by: John Schwartz, Stephanie Savage
Directed by: various
Written by: various
Based on: Runaways by Brian K. Vaughn, Adrian Alphona
Music by: Siddhartha Khosla
Cast: Rhenzy Feliz, Lyrica Okano, Virginia Gardner, Ariela Barer, Gregg Sulkin, Allegra Acosta, Angel Parker, Ryan Sands, Annie Wersching, Kip Pardue, Ever Carradine, James Marsters, Brigid Brannagh, Kevin Weisman, Brittany Ishibashi, James Yaegashi, Julian McMahon

ABC Signature Studios, Marvel Television, Fake Empire Productions, Hulu, 10 Episodes (so far), 46-53 Minutes (per episode)

Review:

Well, the day has come. I finally found a Marvel television show that doesn’t cut the mustard. In fact, I made it five or six episodes in and I had to walk away. I just couldn’t go on.

The first two episodes were the same story told from different perspectives and both were an absolute fucking bore.

The third episode started to get more interesting but every single character in this show was unlikable. Not only that, no one did anything that seemed to make a lick of fucking sense.

Then Julian McMahon shows up as the villain and he plays his role exactly like he played Doctor Doom in those terrible Fantastic Four movies from the ’00s.

Then this show got preachy, the hipster feminist was annoying as fuck, all the other kids were terrible, the parents were just as terrible and I found myself banging my head against my coffee table.

That’s when I realized that I could just hit “back” on Hulu and exit out of this rabbit hole I was falling down.

The premise of the whole Runaways comic (and TV show) is (and I’m paraphrasing here because I don’t want to look it up again), “Every kid thinks their parents are evil. Well, what if they really were?” Yeah, sorry… I never thought of my parents as “evil”. I’m sure most normal, well adjusted kids also don’t think this. So what kind of sociopath came up with this idea? Most parents aren’t the dad from Varsity Blues. Grow the fuck up.

Anyway, fuck this show. Good job, Hulu.

Rating: 4/10
Pairs well with: Other recent Marvel shows: LegionThe Gifted and Cloak & Dagger.

Film Review: Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018)

Also known as: Ant-Man 2 (alternate title), Cherry Blue (fake working title)
Release Date: June 25th, 2018 (El Capitan Theatre premiere)
Directed by: Peyton Reed
Written by: Chris McKenna, Erik Sommers, Paul Rudd, Andrew Barrer, Gabriel Ferrari
Based on: Ant-Man by Stan Lee, Larry Lieber, Jack Kirby; Wasp by Stan Lee, Ernie Hart, Jack Kirby
Music by: Christophe Beck
Cast: Paul Rudd, Evangeline Lilly, Michael Peña, Walton Goggins, Bobby Cannavale, Tip “T.I.” Harris, Judy Greer, David Dastmalchian, Michael Douglas, Hannah John-Kamen, Abby Ryder Fortson, Randall Park, Michelle Pfeiffer, Laurence Fishburne

Marvel Studios, Walt Disney Studios, 118 Minutes

Review:

“I do some dumb things, and the people I love the most – they pay the price.” – Scott Lang

It feels like Infinity War just happened but we’ve already got another Marvel movie within the MCU continuity. But then, I felt like Infinity War was way too close to Black Panther.

I wasn’t a massive fan of the first Ant-Man. I did like it quite a bit but it wasn’t really in the upper echelon of my mental ranking of Marvel movies. This one isn’t either but I did enjoy the hell out of it and I loved the humor and the overall tone, after coming off of such a somber ending in Infinity War.

First and foremost, this has Walton Goggins in it, who is a guy I will watch in anything. Goggins is a f’n master whether he’s doing drama, comedy or just needs to play some sort of eccentric badass. He’s a little bit of all those things in this movie but sadly, he just isn’t in it enough. But that’s okay, he survives to return at a later date and this movie’s story had to wedge a lot in.

That being said, the writers did a good job covering a lot of bases while still having the movie’s pace and multiple threads flow smoothly.

There are a few things I didn’t like about the film but they weren’t big enough to ruin it.

I thought that the lab was ridiculous. The fact that they can shrink it down to the size of a box and then run around with it and nothing inside of the structure gets damaged or destroyed, is pretty fucking dumb. Has anyone that worked on this picture ever seen a Godzilla film? What happens when giants come into contact with buildings? Them shits crumble! Could Godzilla run around with a building under his arm or yank it away from King Kong or toss it to Anguirus? No, that shit would get torn to bits like a gingerbread house at an elementary school Christmas party.

And then the whole thing where they hide the lab building in plain sight throughout the city is also pretty stupid. I’m sorry but if I drive a specific route to work everyday, I’m going to notice that there’s some ten story building that just popped up out of nowhere.

Alright, the Incredible Shrinking Lab is really my biggest gripe but I just rolled my eyes, exhaled heavily and got over it so I wouldn’t be fixated on it to the point that it ruined the whole movie.

I liked the Ghost character. I thought her backstory was good, even if it was a bit generic. It did give me a bit of the feels though. She wasn’t a cookie cutter villain and offered up something really cool for the heroes to play off of. It’s nice seeing heroes in an MCU film not fight a villain that’s just an evil version of themselves with the same power set. This was really refreshing and it allowed for more creative confrontations. Plus, her suit was fucking cool and I really liked Hannah John-Kamen in the role. I hope she goes on to have a bigger footprint in the larger MCU. And really, she deserves a redemption story after the events of this film. Good job, Marvel! Usually your villains are shit. But the villain front has been looking better lately between Ghost, Killmonger, Thanos and Walton f’n Goggins.

Paul Rudd was Paul Rudd, Evangeline Lilly was a goddess and Michael Douglas was a badass MFer per usual. l loved Pfeiffer as Janet van Dyne and I can’t wait to see more of her. The rest of the returning cast was fun too. I’ve always liked Judy Greer and I have a new level of respect for Bobby Cannavale after seeing how incredible he was last year in the third season of Mr. Robot.

The scene where Michael Peña is telling a story and his voice is dubbed over the other actors is hysterical, by the way. I haven’t laughed out loud at something in a Marvel movie like I did during this scene probably ever.

Ant-Man and the Wasp isn’t Marvel at its best but it’s a much needed breath of fresh air after feeling the weight of the universe come down on you following Infinity War. This gave the MCU audience a lighthearted break from the doom and gloom of Thanos’ major victory.

Rating: 8/10
Pairs well with: Everything else in the MCU but it should be pointed out that this film happens alongside Avengers: Infinity War.

TV Review: Inhumans (2017)

Original Run: September 29th, 2017 – November 10th, 2017
Created by: Scott Buck
Directed by: various
Written by: various
Based on: Inhumans by Stan Lee, Jack Kirby
Music by: Sean Callery
Cast: Anson Mount, Serinda Swan, Ken Leung, Eme Ikwuakor, Isabelle Cornish, Ellen Woglom, Iwan Rheon

ABC Studios, Marvel, Devilina Productions, IMAX Entertainment, Walt Disney, 8 Episodes, 42 Minutes (per episode)

Review:

Well, this show has been trashed by just about anyone and everyone who actually took the time to give it a watch. Being that I have seen everything within the larger Marvel Cinematic Universe, I couldn’t just ignore this and knew that I’d have to give it an honest shot.

It’s pretty damn bad but it isn’t as horrendous as many have claimed. I saw that it was expiring soon on Hulu, so I figured I had better binge through this quickly before losing the opportunity.

To start, this should have really excited me. It stars Mr. Bohannon from Hell On Wheels a.k.a. Anson Mount. He also plays Black Bolt, a character I have loved in the comics for years. Sadly, Mount can’t speak in this part because his voice is like getting bitchslapped by God. He spends most of his time talking in sign language as Medusa translates for him. When Medusa isn’t around, he just gives very intense stares that make me think he is going to crack my television screen.

Medusa is pretty terrible and unlikable but then so are all the heroes. Crystal is damn cute but she always has this look on her face like she just sipped on a cup of tea and noticed a cat turd floating in it.

Speaking of Crystal, her story is the worst thing about the show. It is a little teenage love story that comes off like one of those Miley Cyrus Disney movies before she cut all her hair off and got her boobs out a lot. Crystal’s boyfriend is some Hawaiian surfer brah that tells her to “hang ten” all the time. In fact, Crystal is lost and trying to locate her family and surfer brah says, “Hang ten! Jump in the water with me! We’ll look for your family later!” Dude’s a total Disney Channel douche nugget and he probably calls his mom “brah”.

Iwan Rheon who was a big deal on Game of Thrones, a show I don’t like or care about, plays the bad guy but he’s just a human being. Actually, he’s a sour, jealous bitch that didn’t get magic powers like the other Inhumans and he somehow kicks them out of the kingdom and takes over the Moon. I loved Rheon on Misfits though and that was, by far, an infinitely better show than this or Game of Thrones.

I don’t know, the more I think about this show, maybe it is as bad as all the detractors are saying.

On a positive note, it was filmed in beautiful Hawaii. So all the scenery was breathtaking and amazing but I’d rather just watch LostHawaii Five-OMagnum P.I. or Saved by the Bell: Hawaiian Style.

Rating: 4.5/10
Pairs well with: The other MCU TV stuff but this was so bad and short-lived that I’d imagine it will be ignored in the future and that Disney will revisit these characters in a completely different way, years from now.