TV Review: McMillions (2020)

Original Run: February 3rd, 2020 – March 9th, 2020
Directed by: James Lee Hernandez, Brian Lazarte
Written by: James Lee Hernandez, Brian Lazarte
Music by: Pinar Toprak
Cast: various

FunMeter, Unrealistic Ideas, HBO, 6 Episodes, 60 Minutes (per episode)

Review:

As a McDonald’s shareholder, a loyal customer for decades and a massive fan of the Monopoly game, this was a story that absolutely intrigued me. So seeing that HBO made a documentary series telling the story of how the McDonald’s Monopoly game was rigged was a must watch for me.

My only real gripe about this is that I never felt like the scheme was all that clear. I understood how they found people to be “winners” of the top tier game pieces (and it was fantastic hearing their stories) but I never clearly understood why the criminals behind the scheme did it in the first place.

Selling these lucrative prizes at a small fraction of what their actual value was, was kind of baffling. I feel like there had to have been a much better way for them to exploit the system and in the end, they got caught, anyway.

Also, I had always assumed that McDonald’s was involved in the shenanigans because the actual story and all the facts weren’t something I delved into before this. I had just always assumed that by giving the pieces to “friends and family members” meant that some McDonald’s exec was just doing that for personal or corporate favors.

This was interesting as hell though and I watched all six episodes in one sitting.

In the end, I’m glad that those who were roped into the scheme, didn’t have their lives ruined based off of the poor circumstances they were in when the schemesters chose them to exploit for their own gain.

Rating: 8/10
Pairs well with: other recent crime documentaries and series.

The McDonald’s Double Drive-Thru Is Bullshit

*The Bullshit Series started on an older blog but I wanted to bring these articles back here, as I have new installments for the series that I want to release over time. The series focuses on things that I think are bullshit… like filet mignon, Zubaz pants, the Pro Bowl and diets.

*Written in 2015.

The McDonald’s double drive-thru is bullshit. It is a clusterfuck of biblical proportions. Seriously, whose idea was this? I’d like to meet them.

Okay, let us look at this objectively and in theory. In theory, in a perfect world, this is probably a fairly decent idea. It allows McDonald’s to process orders more quickly because obviously they are struggling financially and need more money. But really that is only the real benefit I see.

And what good is processing orders, or really just taking orders, at a faster rate considered more efficient when the split line has to merge back together?

Okay, the idea is actually crap in theory.

Here’s the real problem. McDonald’s really overestimates the logic and patience of human beings. They also overestimate their acceptance of change and learning new things.

One, people are generally morons. Two, people resist change. Put both of those things together and you get the mess that I have to deal with every time I just want to grab a Sausage McMuffin and a shitty iced coffee because I am too lazy to make my own breakfast.

What I usually deal with is people who aren’t sure where to split the line because the arrows are just suggestions and not a law punishable by Mayor McCheese and Officer Big Mac.

So we get impatient dickheads who swerve out of the long line violently and cut several cars to get to the second lane before the suggested traffic split. It creates tension and road rage. People who try to follow the rules and be orderly are fucked over by self-absorbed pricks who can’t wait an extra few seconds for a McFlurry.

Then when the cars are supposed to merge back together, people don’t seem to understand how this works. I constantly see people yelling and beeping their bitch horns because they are already pissed off and think that the other person is trying to cut in front of them again. People don’t understand that the line should merge back together in the sequence of completed orders. If you finish your order, you are in front of the other person still talking into the monitor. It is pretty simple but it is still over many people’s heads.

Also, McDonald’s is squeezing this concept into every location possible. The two McDonald’s locations closest to me don’t really have room for it. It is really hard to navigate in limited space, especially when other people trying to just move around the drive-thru, who aren’t in it, can’t get through or have to enter the drive-thru traffic because they are stuck just trying to get out of the parking lot.

A double drive-thru doesn’t need to be rocket science but it is because people don’t know how to use it, even after a few years.

And the worst are the assholes who aren’t paying attention and hold up their half of the line, allowing people to cut in and screw up the sequence of orders to be picked up.

This article doesn’t need to be long, the point has been made. But apparently there are “studies” that claim McDonald’s bullshit drive-thru experiment works. They are probably the same “scientists” that claim that clowns aren’t terrifying. Hence, they are on McDonald’s clown-loving payroll.

I could just park and order inside but then again, people don’t know how to form a line there either.

I think line forming was the first thing I learned in school.

Fast food should be convenient. McDonald’s has now made it the equivalent of trying to board an overbooked flight.

Film Review: Mac And Me (1988)

Also known as: Mi amigo Mac (Spanish title)
Release Date: August 12th, 1988
Directed by: Stewart Raffill
Written by: Steve Feke, Stewart Raffill
Music by: Alan Silvestri
Cast: Christine Ebersole, Jonathan Ward, Tina Caspary, Lauren Stanley, Jade Calegory, Buck Flower

New Star Entertainment, Vision International, Orion Pictures, 99 Minutes

Review:

“You know what I feel like?” – Michael Cruise, “A Big Mac?” – Eric Cruise, “The man’s psychic!” – Michael Cruise

If you look at this as a 99 minute advertisement for McDonald’s and Coke, it’s not that bad. And really, isn’t that what this actually is?

As a kid, I kind of assumed that Mac was a new character in McDonlad’s roster that includes Ronald McDonald, Birdie, Grimace, the Hamburglar and the Fry Guys. I mean, “Mac” even fits perfectly within the McGimmick. But no, I guess this was supposed to be a real movie.

Now this is one of many blatant ripoffs of E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial. These films were a dime a dozen in the ’80s just as much as Gremlins ripoffs were.

This is also universally panned by just about everyone. However, the hatred towards it is by loads of people that haven’t actually seen it. They just read things on the Internet and have heard the legends about Mac And Me for decades. And while I remembered mostly liking this in 1988, I hadn’t seen it in a really long time and wasn’t sure how it would hold up.

Seeing this now, as it was finally lampooned on Mystery Science Theater 3000 in the newest season, I still don’t think it’s as bad as the hype would want you to believe.

Now this is still a bad movie but it has a charm that most bad movies don’t. It’s ’80s cheese of the highest caliber and that can be a good or bad thing but it helps this picture, in my opinion. Also, all the kids were really likable and that goes a long way for me in a movie like this.

The story is cookie cutter and the high point is a big party at McDonald’s, which features Mac the Alien disguised as a teddy bear, dancing on tables and flying around the restaurant. But the scene is so bizarre and ’80s kitsch that it’s hard not to love if you grew up in that decade and have a soft spot for really weird, goofy shit.

But I get it, people will always have fun trashing this movie because it’s a bizarre and bad film by critical standards. Looking beyond that, though, it’s still entertaining, fun and lighthearted in a good way. At it’s core, the film is actually kind of sweet.

There are plot holes galore and a lot of things don’t make sense but it doesn’t necessarily need to. This wasn’t made to make you think, it was made to make you smile… and buy lots of Big Macs and Coke products.

Also, I loved the intensity of the Alan Silvestri score.

Rating: 5.25/10
Pairs well with: other blatant ripoffs of E.T. but if I’m being honest, this is the best of the lot. This also plays well as a double feature with Spaced Invaders.

Film Review: The Founder (2016)

Release Date: December 7th, 2016 (Arclight Hollywood premiere)
Directed by: John Lee Hancock
Written by: Robert D. Siegel
Music by: Carter Burwell
Cast: Michael Keaton, Nick Offerman, John Carroll Lynch, Linda Cardellini, Patrick Wilson, B.J. Novak, Laura Dern

FilmNation Entertainment, The Combine, Faliro House Productions S.A., The Weinstein Company, 115 Minutes

the_founderReview:

I finally got around to seeing The Founder. I had heard nothing but good things about it. Also, I have been a Michael Keaton fan for a long time and would like to see him eventually win an Academy Award. Unfortunately, he wasn’t nominated for this picture, which got a lot of people upset. So that added more incentive for me to check out his performance in this picture.

Having now seen it, I can say that Michael Keaton really knocks it out of the park in this film. This is up there with his performance in Birdman as one of the best of his career. But it doesn’t stop with Keaton though.

Nick Offerman gives the performance of his career and it was really nice seeing him get such a prominent role that wasn’t just comedy. He was stellar as the legendary Ron Swanson on Parks & Recreation but his role here, as one of the McDonald brothers, is truly the highlight of his already great career.

The other McDonald brother was played by John Carroll Lynch, a guy who can do just about anything. From being one of the best one episode characters ever on The Walking Dead to a psychotic serial killer clown on American Horror Story to a really lovable and gentle guy in The Founder, Lynch proves that he is one of the best and most versatile actors today. Frankly, he should be better known than he is.

Linda Cardellini, Laura Dern, Patrick Wilson and B.J. Novak round out the cast and they all give their characters a bit of gravitas. The picture was well cast and well acted all around.

The story of Ray Kroc and how he “founded” McDonald’s has been fairly known for quite some time but seeing it play out so dramatically on the big screen, is a treat. I think some people may have dismissed this as two-hour McDonald’s propaganda. It isn’t. That was already tried and it ultimately failed in 1988 with Mac & MeThe Founder can almost be seen as anti-McDonald’s in certain respects, not that it is trying to give the corporation a bad name, it is just trying to convey the story of its creation in an honest way. But ultimately, one has to feel bad for how the McDonald brothers were played by Ray Kroc.

The Founder is compelling. It is a truly American story about the rise of one of America’s biggest corporations in the most American way possible, whether that’s seen as good or bad. It had a good pace and featured solid direction and great acting from all those who appeared in the film.

I wouldn’t consider it a Picture of the Year candidate but the performances by some of the cast should probably have been looked at more carefully, especially Keaton, Offerman and Lynch.

Rating: 8.25/10