Film Review: Crocodile Dundee In Los Angeles (2001)

Also known as: Crocodile Dundee III, Crocodile Dundee In Hollywood, Crocodile Dundee Returns (working titles)
Release Date: April 12th, 2001 (Australia)
Directed by: Simon Wincer
Written by: Eric Abrams, Matthew Berry
Based on: characters by Paul Hogan
Music by: Basil Poledouris
Cast: Paul Hogan, Linda Kozlowski, Jere Burns, Jonathan Banks, Aida Turturro, Paul Rodriguez, Steve Rackman, Gerry Skilton, Mike Tyson (cameo)

Bungalow Productions, Silver Lion Films, Vision View Entertainment, 92 Minutes

Review:

“Now, you pick out what you want on that menu there. Then you yell it out into that box. Then in 2 minutes, you’re scoffing it down, without even getting out of the car.” – Mick Dundee, “So, you can eat like a pig… and nobody can see you. [winks] Clever buggers, these yanks.” – Jacko

If I’m being honest, I wasn’t looking forward to revisiting this film, even though I just revisited the two chapters before it and still found them to be entertaining and a great way to waste a few hours.

This one was bad when it came out and time hasn’t done it any favors. In fact, it’s made it worse.

The main issue with this picture is that it wasn’t even written by Paul Hogan. Some other blokes took over that part of the creative process for some reason.

The second issue is that this waited way too long to come out. There is a thirteen year gap between its most recent predecessor and it hurts this movie a lot, as it feels like it’s written like an early ’90s comedy and not something that was made at the turn of the millennium. Honestly, it kind of shows that the style of film that the first two Crocodile Dundees were, were products of their time that worked well back then but not in 2001.

The story is a mess and it takes the weakest part of the first film, which was just being a series of “fish out of water” segments and embraces them more than any of the other installments. It just doesn’t work and most of the bits and gags fall flat in spite of Paul Hogan still having a hell of a lot of charm. But that charm just can’t save a poorly written, unfunny turd.

In fact, the only comedic bits I found amusing were the ones with his buddy, Jacko. They had good chemistry and they were funny together but these scenes were kind of scant and didn’t do anything to propel the story forward.

The criminal plot in this movie is also pretty dumb. It has to do with a Hollywood producer that shoots movies in Europe and Hollywood, using the travel between the two locations as a way to smuggle valuable paintings out of Europe. It’s damn asinine.

Anyway, you can watch the first two movies and still get a lot of enjoyment out of them. This one, not so much.

Well, except for that bonkers Mike Tyson cameo; I can watch that anytime.

Rating: 4/10
Pairs well with: the other Crocodile Dundee films but they’re both a lot better than this one.

Film Review: Crocodile Dundee II (1988)

Release Date: May 20th, 1988 (Australia)
Directed by: John Cornell
Written by: Paul Hogan, Brett Hogan
Music by: Peter Best
Cast: Paul Hogan, Linda Kozlowski, John Meillon, Hechter Ubarry, Juan Fernandez, Charles S. Dutton, Kenneth Welsh, Stephen Root, Steve Rackman, Gerry Skilton, Susie Essman, Colin Quinn, Luis Guzman, Tatyana Ali

Rimfire Films, Paramount Pictures, 108 Minutes

Review:

“What did you do last night?” – Mick Dundee, “We didn’t do nothing. We was here all night.” – Punk, “That’s what you call cool, is it? Well, tomorrow, if someone asks you the same question, you can say: “We didn’t do nothing.” Or you can say: “We went out to Long Island to help this lunatic storm a fortress!” At the very least you can come watch me get my head blown off.” – Mick Dundee

The consensus from critics and from filmgoers is that Crocodile Dundee II is a weak attempt at a sequel that was just made to cash in on its far superior predecessor. Well, the consensus is wrong, as this is the superior film for many reasons, all of which I’ll outline here.

To start, this film knows exactly what it is where the first one couldn’t decide if it was a romantic comedy, an action movie or just a series of comedic bits about a fish out of water.

Crocodile Dundee II is an action comedy. Sure, it taps into the fish out of water stuff but this has a much more cohesive story and it stays on its rails much better. It also goes back into the romance plot but it’s sort of just there to accent the proceedings and to give the stakes depth and meaning, as the love interest is abducted by the villains.

Secondly, Paul Hogan is much more comfortable in the role of Mick Dundee. Not that he wasn’t great in the first movie but in this one, everything comes off as much more natural and it’s as if he really is the character. In fact, when I was a kid, I just kind of assumed this is who he really was and he was just some dude from the Outback that was charismatic enough to get a big break in movies.

Similar to that, Linda Kozlowski is also better in this picture. She seems like she’s come a long way since the first movie, which came out just two years before this one. Her chemistry with Hogan is better and more natural and she’s grown a lot as a character just in being with him and learning from him. She’s kind of a badass in this chapter of the series and where Dundee doesn’t really take the danger seriously, she’s the voice of reason that understands the trouble that they’re in and the monsters that they’re dealing with. All that being said, she has this trait that makes Mick Dundee stronger and more driven and their dynamic in this movie is just really cool to see and far exceeds the awkwardness of their first film together.

This movie is also more action heavy. I love the raid on the drug kingpin’s mansion fortress in the New York City portion of the movie. However, the third and final act that takes place in Australia is really what makes this movie so damn enjoyable. Seeing Dundee use his home field advantage against the drug cartel that is hunting him is clever, fun and showcases all the best aspects of this great and iconic hero.

I think that people mostly have a fond viewpoint of this film now but I remember it getting a lot of hate, back in the day. Or maybe the third film was so bad that by comparison it made this one look better to the haters.

Whatever the case, I’ve always considered this movie to be the best in the franchise. It utilizes the characters much better, has a more cohesive story and also represents the spirit of the franchise in a way that the others just don’t seem to.

Rating: 7.75/10
Pairs well with: the other Crocodile Dundee movies, as well as other films starring Paul Hogan.

Film Review: Crocodile Dundee (1986)

Release Date: April 24th, 1986 (Australia)
Directed by: Peter Faiman
Written by: Paul Hogan, Ken Shadie, John Cornell
Music by: Peter Best
Cast: Paul Hogan, Linda Kozlowski, Mark Blum, David Gulpilil, Michael Lombard, John Meillon, Reginald VelJohnson, Terry Gill, Steve Rackman, Paul Greco

Rimfire Films, Hoyts Distribution, Paramount Pictures, 20th Century Fox, 97 Minutes, 93 Minutes (DVD cut)

Review:

“New York City, Mr. Dundee. Home to seven million people.” – Richard Mason, “That’s incredible. Imagine seven million people all wanting to live together. Yeah, New York must be the friendliest place on Earth.” – Michael J. “Crocodile” Dundee

The first two Crocodile Dundee movies were films that I used to watch a lot, as a kid. The third one is a total turd but I’ll review that after revisiting the first two.

Starting with this one, the first film, I immediately felt the nostalgia bug creeping in when I heard the fairly iconic Crocodile Dundee opening theme start playing, as the helicopter carrying Sue into the Outback showed us that we were ready to go on a cool adventure.

Watching this, all these years later, allowed me to see a lot of the flaws and issues that weren’t apparent to me before. The movie is riddled with editing and pacing issues and there doesn’t seem to be much of an idea as to what the film is supposed to be.

At its core, it is a romantic comedy but it doesn’t fully commit to that and it seems to be more about showing two different characters as fish out of water.

The first half of the picture deals with Sue going into the Australian bush to meet Mick Dundee and to learn about how he survived an alligator attack. The second half deals with Mick going back to New York City with Sue to see what life is like outside of the Outback.

There is an actual plot but it is really thin and it seems to rely more heavily on gags and jokes from scene to scene, as opposed to telling a cohesive story that one can sink their teeth into.

Now this isn’t necessarily a bad thing and the humor in the film is mostly fine but it lacks any sort of emotional investment into the characters and their budding romance. It also doesn’t help that there doesn’t seem to be much chemistry between them, at least not natural chemistry. I kind of find that strange, as they got married in real life and remained married for a few decades, only getting divorced a few years ago.

Some of the gags are pretty dated and I think some stuff might make people’s stomach churn in modern society where everything is offensive. Two scenes that come to mind are the ones where Mick grabs someone’s genitals to see if they’re a bloke or a sheila.

Crocodile Dundee is still a mostly humorous, lighthearted picture that is actually kind of charming and cute because Paul Hogan is actually pretty great as the title character. But that charm can’t carry a whole movie and this one is sort of a mess, structurally.

I don’t really see what the point of it was and that’s because it’s objective wasn’t all that clear. I think this is why I liked the second film better, back in the day, because it actually has a more solid plot and objectives you can follow, as Mick fights a drug cartel and it’s more action heavy. Most people seem to think the second one was a much weaker film but I guess I’ll have to see how I feel about it now, when I watch it in the very near future.

Rating: 7/10
Pairs well with: the other Crocodile Dundee movies, as well as other films starring Paul Hogan.

Film Review: Village of the Damned (1995)

Also known as: John Carpenter’s Village of the Damned (complete title)
Release Date: April 28th, 1995
Directed by: John Carpenter
Written by: David Himmelstein, John Carpenter (uncredited)
Based on: The Midwich Cuckoos by John Wyndham
Music by: John Carpenter, Dave Davies
Cast: Christopher Reeve, Kirstie Alley, Linda Kozlowski, Michael Paré, Meredith Salenger, Mark Hamill, Thomas Dekker, Lindsey Haun, Peter Jason, Buck Flower

Alphaville Films, Universal Pictures, 99 Minutes

Review:

“Let’s cut to the chase here… it has become an interest to national science that we carefully research and monitor their developing powers. I ask for another year’s grant.” – Dr. Susan Verner

I loved Carpenter’s work in the ’70s, ’80s and some of the ’90s stuff. When this came out back in 1995, it didn’t resonate with me in the right way. It wasn’t terrible but I didn’t like it and didn’t have much urge to watch it again. But that was over twenty years ago, this was streaming on Starz and I felt like I’d give it a watch because I at least knew I wouldn’t hate it.

To my surprise, I like this more now, in 2018, than I did in 1995.

It’s just eerie as shit but creepy kids usually hit that note, even though creepy kid horror has been done to death at this point. I guess what kind of intrigued me about this picture, is that I didn’t remember why the creepy kids came to be so the mystery of that was fresh to me. However, it’s not fully explained in this and that’s fine. I like that this doesn’t spell everything out for you.

My biggest issue with it though, is that I came up with about a half dozen ways to take out these psychotic little shits. The movie made them come off as nearly invincible and too cunning to defeat. The easiest way to probably deal with them would to be to stealthily set the barn on fire and to have multiple people in the bushes picking them off when they ran out in the confusion. But you could also set traps, use grenades, flamethrowers, all sorts of awesome shit. They’re only a threat if they can focus on your mind and then take over your body. Don’t give them a second to even try, wipe them out.

Anyway, what I’m saying is that the kids are definitely creepy and powerful but beating them wouldn’t require one man walking into the lion’s den, trying to stall them with a conversation, having a mind battle and then letting a bomb with a timer (set way too long) eventually go off.

Other than all that, this is a fun movie. It’s a bit slow at times but it had more of a classic Hitchcock feel to it than standard Carpenter fair. And maybe that’s because this is a remake of an old school horror film from 1960. It sort of pulls you back to the narrative style of those pictures. Plus, the cinematography reminded me a lot of The Birds, especially the simple shots of the kids creepily walking around the small coastal town.

One thing I loved about this film was Kirstie Alley. She was kind of badass and has never been cooler than she was here. Also, this brought her together with Christopher Reeve (Superman), Mark Hamill (Luke Skywalker) and Michael Paré (Tom Cody from Streets of Fire). Being that Alley was once Saavik from the Star Trek films made this a fairly cool mix of talent. Also, the other female lead was Linda Kozlowski, who was in all those Crocodile Dundee movies.

Another question though, is why did these kids dress the same and have the same haircuts. Did they demand this look until their parents caved? Did these alien demon children really care about their appearance?

I admit, it makes them creepier but it’s strange when you think about it. “Mommy, I want boring grey dress and hair like Joey Lawrence from Gimme A Break!” “Oh, okay… but all those weirdo kids you like dress like that, already. Don’t you want to wear this cool Ren & Stimpy shirt and a Zubaz backpack? Show them lame asses some style?” “No, mommy! I squishes your brain! Dress me like church lady!”

Anyway. This is better than my memory of it. Still, nowhere near Carpenter’s best but definitely better than most of his work after this.

Rating: 6.5/10
Pairs well with: Other Carpenter films: In the Mouth of MadnessPrince of Darkness and The Fog.