Also known as: Stephen King’s Children of the Corn (complete title)
Release Date: March 9th, 1984
Directed by: Fritz Kiersch
Written by: George Goldsmith
Based on: Children of the Corn by Stephen King
Music by: Jonathan Elias
Cast: Peter Horton, Linda Hamilton, R. G. Armstrong, John Franklin, Courtney Gains
Angeles Entertainment Group, Hal Roach Studios, New World Pictures, 92 Minutes
“Any religion without love and compassion is false! It’s a lie!” – Burt
Linda Hamilton had a big career making year in 1984 between this film and The Terminator, which was released months later.
I was never a big fan of this movie, even as a kid, but I guess I appreciate it more now. I mean, it’s certainly eerie and effective. However, everything in it seems kind of pointless, other than it’s cool seeing fucked up, murdering children that pray to some evil god birthed from the mind of Stephen King.
This is an example of why some things work much better as a short story, as this was originally written. There just isn’t enough here to justify a longer story and seeing it adapted into a movie turned it into a slow, drawn out affair where almost nothing really happens, except in the prologue and at the end.
Other than that, half the movie is driving around cornfields and then the other half is hiding from killer kids carrying farm tools.
The story is about kids in a small town following a child preacher who convinces them to kill all the adults. Whenever other adults wander into town, they get sacrificed to the bizarre cornfield god that travels through dirt like the monsters from Tremors.
I do like Isaac, the primary villain in this, though. I always thought he was scary but he also had something a bit off about him. I didn’t know until years later that the actor was actually in his 20s when he played this role. He dies in this but he would return years later in the sixth film. However, I’ve never seen any of the sequels but I may dive into them to review because why not?
Overall, this is slow as hell but I wouldn’t call it boring. As for Stephen King film adaptations, this is one of the poorer ones of the ’80s. A lot of people liked it, though, and I could be in the minority. I just feel like it doesn’t come close to holding a candle to the best of King’s adaptations or the horror classics of its decade.
Pairs well with: its sequels, as well as other Stephen King film adaptations.
From Filmento’s YouTube description: You might’ve heard about the 2019 non-canon fanfiction Tim Miller movie Terminator Dark Fate which was pretty meh and flopped pretty badly, but the movie is based on, Terminator 2, is perhaps the greatest action movie of all time and solidified Arnold Schwarzenegger as the greatest action movie star of that time. But that can’t be just because of action, because a lot of other action movies like even Dark Fate have great action. So what sets Terminator 2 apart from its peers? In today’s Film Perfection, let’s find out. No need to make any more new Terminator movies after Dark Fate, because we have the perfect one right here.
Also known as: Terminator 6, T6 (informal alternative titles)
Release Date: October 23rd, 2019 (Belgium, Switzerland, France, UK, Ireland)
Directed by: Tim Miller
Written by: David Goyer, Justin Rhodes, Billy Ray, James Cameron, Charles H. Eglee, Josh Friedman
Music by: Tom Holkenborg
Cast: Linda Hamilton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Mackenzie Davis, Natalia Reyes, Gabriel Luna, Diego Boneta, Edward Furlong, Earl Boen (archive footage)
Skydance Media, Paramount Pictures, Twentieth Century Fox, 128 Minutes
“I won’t be back.” – T-800
I hope the above quote from the T-800 actually rings true because this franchise has exhausted itself beyond repair.
Granted, it could go away for a few decades and try and reboot itself but chances are, Schwarzenegger won’t be around and he’ll be way, waaay too old. And frankly, without him, I don’t care about this franchise. Although, I did like the television show and if something came along and built off of that, we may have something. But I just don’t think that’s remotely possible anymore.
Like all the other sequels after Terminator 2: Judgment Day, fans wanted a nice hot, lobster bisque from a top notch restaurant but instead, were served a cold can of Campbell’s pea soup with a fork instead of a spoon.
This movie was a waste of the talent it had in it. Linda Hamilton came back for this bathtub fart, Schwarzenegger looked bored and Mackenzie Davis is capable of so much more than being a dry, boring, nearly lifeless half human/half machine. I think they totally forgot that she was half human and just told her to be a robot.
The film also shits on the legacy of the first two movies more than any other film in the franchise. It just straight up murders a young John Connor in the opening scene and if that doesn’t infuriate you, you’re not a fan.
That being said, if that had happened and was done to provide the viewer with something unique, compelling and with a real purpose, I could’ve lived with it. Instead, we got a soulless romp full of “girl power” nonsense that completely didn’t work because in the very end, the girls still needed the man to finish the job. I’m not trying to be a dick, here, but it’s hard not to be when the filmmakers do something so heavy handed yet so passé and just fuck it up in the end, anyway.
Linda Hamilton is one of the O.G. female badasses and it’s like the filmmakers forgot that shit and thought that they were giving us something knew and refreshing having female leads shoot guns and blow crap up.
As for the positives, I did like how Schwarzenegger’s Terminator character evolved and lived a normal life, developing human characteristics.
I also thought that some of the action was decent. Not great, but certainly passable by late 2010s standards. Unfortunately, those standards are grossly below the bar set by the first two movies in this franchise, three and four decades ago.
I also liked the villain Terminator and thought that he was a natural next step in killer robot evolution, unlike the robot from T3, which was overpowered beyond belief.
But that’s really about it for stuff I liked. I mean, it was neat seeing Hamilton and Schwarzenegger together again but unfortunately, that long overdue reunion was overshadowed by a movie without heart, soul or a point.
Pairs well with: the other underwhelming Terminator sequels after T2.
Also known as: Terminator 4, Terminator Salvation: The Future Begins (working titles), T4, T4: Salvation, Project Angel (working titles)
Release Date: May 14th, 2009 (Hollywood premiere)
Directed by: McG
Written by: John Brancato, Michael Ferris
Based on: characters by James Cameron, Gale Anne Hurd
Music by: Danny Elfman
Cast: Christian Bale, Sam Worthington, Anton Yelchin, Moon Bloodgood, Bryce Dallas Howard, Common, Jane Alexander, Helena Bonham Carter, Michael Ironside, Linda Hamilton (voice – uncredited)
The Halcyon Company, Wonderland Sound and Vision, Columbia Pictures, 115 Minutes, 118 Minutes (Director’s Cut)
“This is John Connor. If you’re listening to this, you are the resistance. Listen carefully, if we attack tonight, our humanity is lost. Command wants us to fight like machines. They want us to make cold, calculated decisions. But we are not machines! And if we behave like them, then what’s the point in winning? Command is going to ask you to attack Skynet. I am asking you not to. If even one bomb drops on Skynet before sunrise, our future will be lost. So please stand down. Give me time to protect the future that all of us are fighting for. This is John Connor.” – John Connor
While this is the best Terminator movie since the outstanding Terminator 2: Judgment Day, the franchise has had a pretty low bar since that 1991 masterpiece.
Terminator Salvation isn’t necessarily a bad motion picture, it’s just an absolutely dull one with no substance to speak of.
At this point, I guess they decided to finally have a movie take place after Judgment Day. This was also supposed to kick off a new trilogy with stars Christian Bale and Bryce Dallas Howard, contractually attached to two sequels. None of that panned out, however, as Bale wasn’t this franchise’s savior, despite The Dark Knight coming out less than a year before this.
I remember people being stoked when Bale was cast as an adult, war-weathered John Connor. But the fact of the matter is that he was boring as hell, way too dry and looked just as bored in the film as the audience did watching it. Where was that emotion from his famous meltdown from the set that became a massive meme during this movie’s production?
No one else really seemed like they wanted to be there either, except for Anton Yelchin, who actually put some passion into the role of a young Kyle Reese. Yelchin was the best thing in the film and unfortunately his role was greatly cut down from the original script, as Bale joined the cast later and had the film reworked to feature him more.
Sam Worthington, a guy I don’t like in anything, was so lifeless that it was fitting that his character was actually already dead.
The film looks as dull as its actors’ faces. It was filmed in a boring desert with late ’90s style edgy boi lens filters that tried to add some grit but the film ended up looking like a straight-to-DVD low budget ’00s Jean-Claude Van Damme flick instead of a tent-pole blockbuster with a 200 million dollar budget.
The big finale sends John Connor into a Terminator factory where he faces off with a Terminator that looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger. It isn’t really Arnold, however, it’s just another actor with a really bad Arnold CGI face superimposed over his visage. This shit looked so bad that they shouldn’t have done it or wasted money on it in the first place. Just use the jacked actor to play the big cyborg. It was distracting as hell, takes you out of the movie and it looked worse than facial CGI effects from almost a decade prior.
I’m done. Fuck this movie. I doubt I’ll ever watch it again. I only watched it this time in an effort to review it before going on to the latest film in the shitty saga, Terminator: Dark Fate. I’ll watch and review that one in the fairly near future.
Pairs well with: the other shitty Terminator movies, so everything after Judgment Day.
From Filmento’s YouTube description: The year 2019 in movies offered a bunch of flops and letdowns — Men In Black International, Curse of La Llorona, Hellboy, Gemini Man (+ Rise of Skywalker to some) and Mortal engines to name a few — but none of them as much so as Terminator: Dark Fate. This is a film that was supposed to revitalize a fallen franchise — packing talent like James Cameron, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Linda Hamilton, Tim Miller. And yet, the only thing it managed to do was destroy the very thing that made the franchise what it is. The filmmakers promised something new, whereas in reality all they delivered was fake originality at the cost of Terminator 2, the greatest action movie ever made. In today’s episode of award winning family friendly trending page worthy Anatomy of a Failure, let’s look at Dark Fate and how exactly it lies to the audience in a way that made it the worst movie of 2019.
Also known as: Black Rider (Japan), Black Moon (Germany, Finland), Luna Negra (Spain)
Release Date: January 10th, 1986
Directed by: Harley Cokliss
Written by: John Carpenter, William Gray, Desmond Nakano
Music by: Lalo Schifrin
Cast: Tommy Lee Jones, Linda Hamilton, Robert Vaughn, Richard Jaeckel, Bubba Smith, Dan Shor, Keenan Wynn, Lee Ving, William Sanderson, Nick Cassavetes, Don Keith Opper
Sequoia Productions, New World Pictures, 100 Minutes
“Even the body is unique. it’s made out of Kelvar – the same material they use in bulletproof vests.” – Earl Windom
I vividly remember watching this movie on New Year’s Eve 1990 with my cousin Billy, as we were waiting for midnight and the ball to fall and ring in a new decade.
Why’s that important? It’s not. Other than to say that I remembered watching this, liking it but then never knowing what the movie was and thus, I wasn’t able to see it again until now. Frankly, I had forgotten about it but then I randomly came across the trailer on YouTube while researching something else and it immediately sparked that memory.
And I was pretty stoked because a thirty year mystery had been solved.
However, I’m not sure how I didn’t remember more of the film, as it has a pretty decent cast full of a lot of talent I would’ve known, even as a kid in 1990. Hell, it’s got Bubba Smith in it and I’ve seen the first six Police Academy movies about a hundred times each. Not to mention Lee Ving, who I wouldn’t have recognized as the lead singer of Fear but I would’ve recognized from Clue and Streets of Fire.
The real kicker though, is that this has Tommy Lee Jones, Linda Hamilton and Robert Vaughn in it and somehow that slipped down the memory hole.
What I didn’t know until seeing it now, is that it was written by John f’n Carpenter in a time when the dude was most certainly on his A-game.
All that being said, the movie is just kind of okay. It’s not as great as I perceived it as a kid but nothing ever really is. But it’s still an enjoyable action crime film that’s all about a high tech supercar and different people’s attempts at stealing it.
For Linda Hamilton it felt like a fitting role between the first two Terminator movies, as she’s sort of a mix between damsel in distress (most of Terminator) and kind of a badass (Terminator 2). And this was certainly a better role for her in 1986 than her biggest film of that year, the abysmal King Kong Lives.
This also has a scene in it where a car jumps through the window of one skyscraper, flies through the air and then lands safely in another skyscraper. So for those of you that thought that stunt was invented for those Fast & Furious movies, this film did it first, three decades earlier.
Anyway, this was a good, solid way to spend 100 minutes. That is, if you love to watch ’80s action, suspend your disbelief and like a lot of ham and lead in your diet.
Pairs well with: other action movies from New World Pictures and Cannon Films.
Also known as: T2 (promotional abbreviation)
Release Date: July 1st, 1991 (Century City premiere)
Directed by: James Cameron
Written by: James Cameron, William Wisher
Music by: Brad Fiedel
Cast: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Linda Hamilton, Edward Furlong, Robert Patrick, Joe Morton, Earl Boen, Jenette Goldstein, Xander Berkeley, Dean Norris, Mark Christopher Lawrence, Nikki Cox, Michael Biehn (cameo – Special Edition and Ultimate Cut)
Carolco Pictures, Pacific Western, Lightstorm Entertainment, Le Studsio Canal+ S.A., TriStar Pictures, 137 Minutes, 153 Minutes (Special Edition), 156 Minutes (Ultimate Cut)
“[narrating] The unknown future rolls toward us. I face it, for the first time, with a sense of hope. Because if a machine, a Terminator, can learn the value of human life, maybe we can too.” – Sarah Connor
When I was middle school aged, this film hit theaters. At the time, I thought it was just about the best movie ever made. At that age, it appealed to me more than the superior original but I think that’s because I was roughly the same age as John Connor and I was living vicariously through his experience in the film.
The thing is, this is still an utterly stupendous motion picture and one of the best that James Cameron has ever done. But, as an adult, I can’t put this over the masterpiece that is the original film.
Still, it is an incredible film and a great thing to experience, even for the 38th time watching it. Honestly, I may have seen it more than that as my VHS copy broke years ago.
It’s been a long time since I’ve revisited this classic, though. But this was the first time I watched the Special Edition, which added in new scenes and longer cuts. The most important of those is a scene where Michael Biehn returns as Kyle Reese in a dream Sarah Connor has while still locked up in the mental hospital.
There is also a cool scene that shows John defy his mother in order to spare the Terminator that is protecting them. It’s actually a good character building scene that probably should have been left in, as it shows John’s natural leader personality come through and it also amplifies Sarah’s paranoia about working with a Terminator.
The only other notable addition is a scene that shows Miles Dyson and his family. This probably should have been cut but it is nice to see him trying to balance his personal life and work life.
Everything in this movie still holds up today. While the special effects might not be as impressive in 2019, they don’t look bad and for the time, they were lightyears ahead of what anyone else was doing. And it was those great digital effects that made the villainous T-1000 exist and frankly, he is still one of the most terrifying villains in movie history. But I have to give credit to Robert Patrick for that, even if its the effects that allowed him to come into being.
All the practical effects are top notch too, from the opening sequence of the war from the future and all the makeup, prosthetic and animatronic work they had to do for Schwarzenegger’s Terminator in the second half of the film.
But getting back to the acting, it’s a mixed bag, really.
Linda Hamilton has never been better. Also, Schwarzenegger is pretty perfect but this version of the Terminator character is written in a way that doesn’t require much from him other than what is naturally present in his real personality. That’s not a knock against Arnold, as much as it is a nod of respect to James Cameron for giving us a more human cyborg that is trying to become something more than just a killing machine. The script and the dialogue written for Arnold enhance his strengths and don’t force him to have to deal with his weaknesses. Frankly, it enhances the overall experience.
Now Edward Furlong did okay, being that this is his first film but I felt like his performance could’ve been fine tuned more. When I was a kid, I didn’t give a shit, I thought he was cool. As an adult, I see some of the problems with his acting but at the same time, he’s far from terrible. Where it sometimes doesn’t work really isn’t his fault either. James Cameron should’ve just stepped in more and helped the kid. But then, I also don’t know how many takes were shot and its possible that these were just the best they could get and had to move on.
I mentioned that I like the first movie the best but this one does a much better job of world building and in that, this feels like the most complete and overall satisfying film in the franchise. Where the first film feels more like a sci-fi slasher movie with guns instead of knives, this feels more like something akin to the epic world building of Star Wars or The Lord of the Rings.
This film certainly has the most to offer in regards to the franchise as a whole. And since nothing after has really come close to its greatness, there isn’t much reason to watch the films that follow. Besides, they all start contradicting each other and this franchise has been rebooted three different times because it became a giant mess.
Eventually, I will get around to the other films just to review them. I already reviewed Terminator: Genisys when it came out back in 2015 but I haven’t revisited Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines or Terminator: Salvation since they were in theaters. Plus, I’ve still got to watch the TV show but I’ve heard that it’s actually pretty good.
Pairs well with: the first Terminator film. Ignore the sequels after this one.
Release Date: October 26th, 1984
Directed by: James Cameron
Written by: James Cameron, Gale Anne Hurd
Music by: Brad Fiedel
Cast: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Michael Biehn, Linda Hamilton, Paul Winfield, Lance Henriksen, Earl Boen, Bill Paxton, Brian Thompson, Chino ‘Fats’ Williams
Hemdale Film Corporation, Pacific Western Productions, Cinema ’84, Orion Pictures, 107 Minutes
I got to watch this on the big screen. Okay, not in an actual theater but at a friend’s homemade theater with a twenty foot screen outside under the stars. He was testing his new projector, put up a giant sheet between the trees and decided that we’d watch The Terminator. I couldn’t argue with that.
I’m glad I got to see this thing huge, like it was originally intended by James Cameron, a man who used to make fantastic cinematic masterpieces until that pile of shit Titanic made more money than the GDP of all the EU countries combined.
Terminator 2: Judgment Day is also pretty much a masterpiece but nothing compares to this, the first film. While it isn’t technically considered a horror movie, it is. This is a bonafide slasher flick where the killer carries big ass guns instead of bladed objects.
Arnold Schwarzenegger plays the Terminator. If you don’t know, he is a killer cyborg from the future. He is essentially a clean cut Jason Voorhees that dresses like Rob Halford from Judas Priest. He’s got more guns than John Rambo in the sequels. He is a relentless killer, that will keep coming and coming until he murders his target or he is somehow destroyed. Good luck with that!
Linda Hamilton and Michael Biehn also star in this. Biehn, a favorite of Cameron, is great as the future hero sent back to protect Sarah Connor from the Terminator. Hamilton is her most famous character, the aforementioned Sarah Connor. She isn’t the bad ass heroine that she would be in Terminator 2 but she did a good job in this picture, evolving from the damsel in distress type to the powerful strong woman that was on the verge of raising future super bad ass John Connor, the man who would defeat the Terminators in 2029.
Seriously though, Linda Hamilton is so damn good as Sarah Connor that the best way to spot a crappy Terminator sequel is to see if Linda Hamilton isn’t in it. Her voice over cameo in the fourth film doesn’t count. She has to be in the film, as flesh and blood. She is only in the first two movies and for me, that is the story. I ignore everything after part two.
This movie is dark and it is balls to the wall bad ass. It gets going and it never slows down. Even when you think the heroes are safe for a minute… nope! Next thing you know, the Terminator is driving a car through a damn police station and shooting up dozens of cops. You blow up the Terminator in a gas truck… too bad, his skeleton will chase you! You blow up his skeleton… too bad, his head and arms will crawl after you!
This was some of James Cameron’s best work. For a low budget film in 1984, the special effects are pretty friggin’ stellar. This certainly redeems him from that Piranha II movie and it set the stage for his greatest picture Aliens in 1986. The Sarah Connor character was a good prototype for what Ellen Ripley would become in the Alien franchise. Then on the flip side, Ripley became the template for the more evolved Sarah Connor in Terminator 2.
The Terminator is incredible. I can’t imagine what it was like seeing this in the theater in 1984. It probably would have blew my mind but I was five years-old and my mum probably took me to something like Footloose, she liked dancing movies and I always got dragged along.
Release Date: December 19th, 1986
Directed by: John Guillermin
Written by: Ronald Shusett, Steven Pressfield
Based on: King Kong by James Creelman, Ruth Rose, Merian C. Cooper, Edgar Wallace
Music by: John Scott
Cast: Brian Kerwin, Linda Hamilton, John Ashton, Peter Michael Goetz
Dino De Laurentiis Group, 105 Minutes
This was the second and final King Kong picture to be put out by Dino De Laurentiis. It is also considered to be the worst King Kong film ever made. It is. Although, I think that the 3.8 rating on IMDb is a bit harsh.
King Kong Lives reveals, ten years later, that despite getting blasted with miniguns and falling off of the World Trade Center, somehow Kong is still alive. I mean, in the previous film, we saw him blasted to chunks, fall off of the tallest structure in the world and then watched him lay in the street, a bloody mess, until his heart literally stopped beating. But the giant ape is still alive!
In this film, Kong smells a lady Kong from far away. He breaks out of the lab he lives in, finds her and frees her. The two Kongs run off into the country to be alone but the military has other ideas. So Linda Hamilton, best known as Sarah Connor in Terminator and Terminator 2: Judgment Day, and her male scientist friend lover guy are in a race against time to save Kong from the gung ho kaiju hunting Army.
It may be worth mentioning that you get a quick flash of Linda Hamilton boobage in this movie. It’s a blink and you’ll miss it sort of scenario but because of how quick it was, I’m surprised they even did it or that she agreed to it. It’s bizarre and so fast that it is damn near pointless, other than going, “Wha… was that Sarah Connor boob?.. rewind it!”
The film takes place over the course of a few days but somehow, Mr. Kong gets Mrs. Kong pregnant and she gives birth almost immediately with no physical signs that she is carrying. For the most part, the plot is really friggin’ stupid. Maybe that 3.8 rating isn’t that far off, actually.
However, Mr. Kong dies an equally violent death, as he did in the previous film. He dies protecting Mrs. Kong while she is giving birth. The dying Mr. Kong passes away, in a bloody lump, as he lovingly stares into the eyes of the newly born Kong Jr. Maybe I’m a sentimental sucker but the scene got me emotionally. The fact that this crappy movie was able to generate any sort of real feels makes it better than a 3.8 rated film.
The highlight is Mr. Kong fighting the Army head on. One other highlight, is the part where Mr. Kong gets revenge on some inbred redneck pieces of crap who were tormenting him. I did feel bad that the nicer redneck met his demise though, as he tried to spare Kong the torment and humiliation, only to be beat up by his buddies and then crushed by Mr. Kong.
In the end, Mrs. Kong and Kong Jr. are able to live out their lives in the wild and in happiness. We can assume that all went well for them, as Dino De Laurentiis didn’t find it necessary to do a third film where mother and son Kong were blasted away into bloody chunks.