Film Review: Madhouse (1990)

Release Date: February 16th, 1990
Directed by: Tom Ropelewski
Written by: Tom Ropelewski
Music by: David Newman
Cast: John Larroquette, Kirstie Alley, Alison La Placa, John Diehl, Jessica Lundy, Bradley Gregg, Dennis Miller, Robert Ginty, Wayne Tippit

Boy of the Year, Orion Pictures, 90 Minutes

Review:

“Don’t worry about me having dinner, I’ll just lick the crumbs off my filthy sheets!” – Beatrice

This isn’t one of the best comedies of its time period but I enjoyed the hell out of it as a kid and even now, in 2019, I still found the movie to be pretty endearing and charming. But I also know that my opinion is unique, in that most people have forgot about Madhouse and those who haven’t don’t have fond memories of it.

For me, this film works on the strength of its leads: John Larroquette and Kirstie Alley. The two of them had incredible chemistry, felt absolutely believable as a couple and they committed to the absurdity of the film with tremendous gusto.

The comedy style here is pretty typical of the time. It throws two normal people into a very abnormal situation while littering the proceedings with mostly crude and simple humor. But it works because of the charisma of the main cast and most of the supporting players.

I really enjoyed John Diehl, whose murder on Miami Vice still upsets me, and his overbearing wife played by Jessica Lundy. Alison La Placa was also great and we get Dennis Miller in a very minor (and his first) role.

The story follows a yuppie couple who get surprise house guests that are a total pain in the ass. However, as the film progresses, they get more and more house guests and no one will leave. Eventually, their new home has turned into a community of almost a dozen weirdos that push the couple to their breaking point.

What I love about this film is how we see Larroquette and Alley slowly break down and slip into madness. I thought the pacing of the film, in this regard, was perfect.

Also, there is a cat subplot that is a parody of Pet Sematary, which came out a year earlier. It sees the cat die, again and again, but it always comes back to create more chaos. You even get to see the cat die from a cocaine overdose.

This is a simple, fun comedy. But that’s what I like about it.

Rating: 7.5/10
Pairs well with: other outrageous late ’80s/early ’90s comedies.

Film Review: Village of the Damned (1995)

Also known as: John Carpenter’s Village of the Damned (complete title)
Release Date: April 28th, 1995
Directed by: John Carpenter
Written by: David Himmelstein, John Carpenter (uncredited)
Based on: The Midwich Cuckoos by John Wyndham
Music by: John Carpenter, Dave Davies
Cast: Christopher Reeve, Kirstie Alley, Linda Kozlowski, Michael Paré, Meredith Salenger, Mark Hamill, Thomas Dekker, Lindsey Haun, Peter Jason, Buck Flower

Alphaville Films, Universal Pictures, 99 Minutes

Review:

“Let’s cut to the chase here… it has become an interest to national science that we carefully research and monitor their developing powers. I ask for another year’s grant.” – Dr. Susan Verner

I loved Carpenter’s work in the ’70s, ’80s and some of the ’90s stuff. When this came out back in 1995, it didn’t resonate with me in the right way. It wasn’t terrible but I didn’t like it and didn’t have much urge to watch it again. But that was over twenty years ago, this was streaming on Starz and I felt like I’d give it a watch because I at least knew I wouldn’t hate it.

To my surprise, I like this more now, in 2018, than I did in 1995.

It’s just eerie as shit but creepy kids usually hit that note, even though creepy kid horror has been done to death at this point. I guess what kind of intrigued me about this picture, is that I didn’t remember why the creepy kids came to be so the mystery of that was fresh to me. However, it’s not fully explained in this and that’s fine. I like that this doesn’t spell everything out for you.

My biggest issue with it though, is that I came up with about a half dozen ways to take out these psychotic little shits. The movie made them come off as nearly invincible and too cunning to defeat. The easiest way to probably deal with them would to be to stealthily set the barn on fire and to have multiple people in the bushes picking them off when they ran out in the confusion. But you could also set traps, use grenades, flamethrowers, all sorts of awesome shit. They’re only a threat if they can focus on your mind and then take over your body. Don’t give them a second to even try, wipe them out.

Anyway, what I’m saying is that the kids are definitely creepy and powerful but beating them wouldn’t require one man walking into the lion’s den, trying to stall them with a conversation, having a mind battle and then letting a bomb with a timer (set way too long) eventually go off.

Other than all that, this is a fun movie. It’s a bit slow at times but it had more of a classic Hitchcock feel to it than standard Carpenter fair. And maybe that’s because this is a remake of an old school horror film from 1960. It sort of pulls you back to the narrative style of those pictures. Plus, the cinematography reminded me a lot of The Birds, especially the simple shots of the kids creepily walking around the small coastal town.

One thing I loved about this film was Kirstie Alley. She was kind of badass and has never been cooler than she was here. Also, this brought her together with Christopher Reeve (Superman), Mark Hamill (Luke Skywalker) and Michael Paré (Tom Cody from Streets of Fire). Being that Alley was once Saavik from the Star Trek films made this a fairly cool mix of talent. Also, the other female lead was Linda Kozlowski, who was in all those Crocodile Dundee movies.

Another question though, is why did these kids dress the same and have the same haircuts. Did they demand this look until their parents caved? Did these alien demon children really care about their appearance?

I admit, it makes them creepier but it’s strange when you think about it. “Mommy, I want boring grey dress and hair like Joey Lawrence from Gimme A Break!” “Oh, okay… but all those weirdo kids you like dress like that, already. Don’t you want to wear this cool Ren & Stimpy shirt and a Zubaz backpack? Show them lame asses some style?” “No, mommy! I squishes your brain! Dress me like church lady!”

Anyway. This is better than my memory of it. Still, nowhere near Carpenter’s best but definitely better than most of his work after this.

Rating: 6.5/10
Pairs well with: Other Carpenter films: In the Mouth of MadnessPrince of Darkness and The Fog.

Film Review: Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (1982)

Release Date: June 4th, 1982
Directed by: Nicholas Meyer
Written by: Jack B. Sowards, Harve Bennett, Nicholas Meyer (uncredited), Samuel A. Peeples (uncredited)
Based on: Star Trek by Gene Roddenberry
Music by: James Horner
Cast: William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, DeForest Kelley, James Doohan, George Takei, Walter Koenig, Nichelle Nichols, Bibi Besch, Paul Winfield, Kirstie Alley, Ricardo Montalbán, Merritt Butrick

Paramount Pictures, 112 Minutes

Review:

“[quoting from Melville’s Moby Dick] To the last, I will grapple with thee… from Hell’s heart, I stab at thee! For hate’s sake, I spit my last breath at thee!” – Khan Noonien Singh

This is many people’s favorite Star Trek film of all-time and for very good reason. I like The Voyage Home (Part IV) a wee bit more and The Undiscovered Country (Part VI) is also pretty damn high up on my list. However, even though this isn’t my favorite, it is pretty damn perfect if you are a Trek fan and you can suspend some disbelief and get lost in this rich universe.

Are there flaws? A few. But the positives outweigh the negatives by such a wide margin that I’m not going to nitpick about small things that don’t matter much in the grand scheme of how great and how fun this movie is.

Ricardo Montalbán as Khan Noonien Singh is one of the greatest villains that ever graced the silver screen. Other than Darth Vader, who really made a bigger impact in the 1980s? Sure, we could argue a few villains, maybe a handful, but Khan is the main reason why people love this picture.

Montalbán gave the performance of a lifetime and even though he played this character once before, in the Star Trek TV episode Space Seed, he upped the ante so much that he really made this his film. This is one man, overshadowing a magnificent cast who had worked together for two decades and who had unbelievable chemistry with one another. There was a certain chemistry between Khan and Kirk though, even if you never actually saw them together in the same room. Their hatred reached through the physical barriers that separated them and made everyone else in the story, a pawn in the grandest chess game ever played in the galaxy. Everything between Khan and Kirk felt so organic and so real and it was only accented by Khan’s unrelenting quest for revenge and his Shakespearean dialogue.

The film is also littered with incredible special effects, which have actually held up really well, 35 years later. The ship models are fantastic, the look of space, especially the sequence within the Mutara Nebula is breathtaking. The effects used for the birth of the Genesis Planet were impressive as well.

One thing that really brings all of this to the next level is the score by James Horner. While I loved Jerry Goldsmith’s music in the first Star Trek film, Horner made the best score in the entire film series with what he did here. This is such a musical movie but that was pretty common with big blockbuster type films back then; unlike nowadays where the music in massive summer films isn’t as memorable as the cinematic tunes of yesteryear.

Plus, you have the heart wrenching scene between Kirk and Spock at the end that still makes me weep like a little bitch every time I see it, even with the knowledge that the tragedy will be erased in the next movie.

The Wrath of Khan is spectacular in every way. Seriously, how can you not be pulled into this adventure and just sit there for two hours, grinning ear to ear like the Cheshire Cat after raiding the cupboard for Colorado edibles?

I mean sure, I could point out that Khan and his people were marooned on Ceti Alpha V for fifteen years and before that, they tried to overtake the USS Enterprise but failed miserably. And then before that, the Enterprise crew found Khan cryogenically frozen in a pod in a ship that disappeared in the 1990s. Yet they were able to steal the USS Reliant in the 2200s, a star ship that was 300 years more advanced than any technology they had ever seen. And then somehow they were able to take this ill equipped science research vessel and inflict crippling damage to the Enterprise, an explorer ship with superior defensive weaponry and a crew with two decades worth of experience. I mean, I could point all that out…

But I’m not going to nitpick because this film is literally friggin’ perfect.

Rating: 10/10

TV Review: Scream Queens (2015-2016)

Original Run: September 22nd, 2015 – December 20th, 2016
Created by: Ryan Murphy, Brad Falchuk, Ian Brennan
Directed by: various
Written by: various
Music by: Mac Quayle, Heather Heywood, Alexis Martin Woodall
Cast: Emma Roberts, Ariana Grande, Skyler Samuels, Lea Michele, Glen Powell, Diego Boneta, Abigail Breslin, Keke Palmer, Oliver Hudson, Nasim Pedrad, Lucien Laviscount, Billie Lourd, Jamie Lee Curtis, Kirstie Alley, Taylor Lautner, James Earl, John Stamos

Ryan Murphy Productions, Brad Falchuk Teley-Vision, 20th Century Fox, 23 Episodes, 42-44 Minutes (per episode)

Review:

*written in 2015.

Scream Queens is a horror comedy series that just debuted on Fox. Well, if you can even call it “horror” or “comedy”. Usually, I wait till at least a whole season of a show has aired before I review it. I’m not waiting that long in regards to Scream Queens because I have no intention of ever eating this shit sandwich again.

This series was made by some of the people who made American Horror Story and some of the people who made Glee. It is a weird mixture that doesn’t seem to work on really any level.

The comedy isn’t funny. I get that it is parody and satire and a commentary on the culture of self-obsessed privileged college kids but this has been done several times over and much better. Even in the realm of horror comedy, this show relies solely on overused cliches and by rehashing gags that we’ve already seen.

In regards to horror, this show was pimped out as being edgy and taking risks that network shows don’t usually have the liberty to take. Well, the gore is tame and goofy, the special effects aren’t effective and it just doesn’t conjure up even a minute feeling of dread or terror. Additionally, the slasher character on the show isn’t frightening or intimidating in the slightest.

It is also hard to give a shit about the horror any of these characters are facing. Everyone on this show, except for one or two people, are completely unlikable. You can’t relate to any of them and you grow to hate them and actually wish they’d all die. Except you can’t root for the slasher because the slasher is moronic and corny. And truthfully, I guarantee a lot of young girls will idolize these shitty horrible people and turn into equally atrocious people because they are too daft to understand the joke here.

Jamie Lee Curtis is in this and that kind of sucks. She plays a somewhat interesting character. I just don’t care enough to continue watching her traverse through this mess. Niecy Nash is also in the show and she is the best thing about it, by far. Sadly, her role is pretty small. Emma Roberts is the star. She was in American Horror Story and is the daughter of Eric Roberts and niece of Julia Roberts. She plays the head asshole of the asshole girls and overreacts the whole time. I don’t necessarily blame her, I think it is bad direction but in any event, it is an over the top performance that is too exhausting for such a flat show.

Scream Queens is an over-exaggerated version of everything I hated about Coven, the third season of American Horror Story. Except, at least Coven had characters I liked and cared about, which distracted from the overly cheesy and ridiculous teen drama that made that season feel like Gossip Girl meets Charmed.

When I first heard that Fox was coming out with a show called Scream Queens, I thought it was going to be a period drama about girls in the days of old school horror who were actual Hollywood scream queens. I would’ve been excited for that. Instead, we’ve got a shitty unintentional homage to that shitty 2001 horror film Valentine. At least I could look at Denise Richards in that movie.

But after reading other reviews out there, it looks like I am the minority here. I’m fine with that. Because catering to the majority is why we have these awful PG-13 horror films and nothing truly memorable in that genre for decades.

Rating: 3/10