Film Review: Inherent Vice (2014)

Release Date: October 4th, 2014 (New York Film Festival)
Directed by: Paul Thomas Anderson
Written by: Paul Thomas Anderson
Based on: Inherent Vice by Thomas Pynchon
Music by: Jonny Greenwood
Cast: Joaquin Phoenix, Josh Brolin, Owen Wilson, Katherine Waterston, Reese Witherspoon, Benicio del Toro, Jena Malone, Maya Rudolph, Martin Short, Joanna Newsom, Hong Chau, Eric Roberts

Ghoulardi Film Company, Warner Bros., IAC Films, 148 Minutes

Review:

“Well, it’s dark and lonely work, but somebody’s gotta do it, right?” – Petunia Leeway

I had really high hopes for this film.

It’s directed by Paul Thomas Anderson, who everyone, even their pets, loves. It stars Joaquin Phoenix, Josh Brolin and a superb supporting cast. And, well, it’s a neo-noir set in the early ’70s that looked damn cool from the trailers.

Sadly, this was duller than an unsharpened pencil.

I kind of hate that I didn’t dig this but it was really hard for me not to nod off through almost every really long, drawn out scene. Frankly, the film didn’t even need to be two hours, let alone 148 minutes.

Visually, the film is stunning. Every scene and every shot looks pristine and perfect. But that’s not enough to carry a movie. I can see cinematography of the highest caliber in television commercials and music videos.

The thing is, the narrative needs to be as exciting as the visual allure. It needs to capture you, hold on and at least try to leave you breathless until the final frame.

I watched this movie and was so disinterested in it that I couldn’t remember what the film was about, where it needed to go or why Phoenix was investigating things. I felt like my mind was as numb and disoriented as the majority of the characters in the picture.

If you like movies solely for visuals and great soundtracks, than this may be your bag.

It wasn’t mine though.

Rating: 5/10
Pairs well with: mind numbing drugs and a case of cheap whiskey while watching a Hypercolor t-shirt cook in the microwave.

Film Review: Logan Lucky (2017)

Release Date: August 9th, 2017 (Knoxville premiere)
Directed by: Steven Soderbergh
Written by: Rebecca Blunt
Music by: David Holmes
Cast: Channing Tatum, Adam Driver, Seth MacFarlane, Riley Keough, Katie Holmes, Katherine Waterston, Dwight Yoakam, Sebastian Stan, Hilary Swank, Daniel Craig, Brian Gleeson, David Denman, LeAnn Rimes, Jeff Gordon, Carl Edwards, Kyle Busch, Brad Keselowski, Joey Logano, Kyle Larson, Ryan Blaney

Fingerprint Releasing, Bleecker Street, 119 Minutes

Review:

“Derp! Derp! Derp!” – the whole cast

It wasn’t until I was sitting in my chair that I realized that this was a Soderbergh film. However, while I’ve never been a fan of his work, I’ll give just about anything a chance. Also, I didn’t want to waste my popcorn. Had I known this was Soderbergh’s work, I would’ve gone to see The Hitman’s Bodyguard instead.

However, giving the film an honest chance worked to my disadvantage and about a third of the way into my popcorn, it was stale and ground up shitty bits. At least I got the points on my Regal rewards card though.

This film is essentially a white trash Ocean’s 11. Some people may think that sounds funny or cool but it isn’t. Then again, I’m in the minority in thinking that those Oceans movies are awful. Also, the hillbilly is played up so much that it plays as more ridiculous and offensive than funny. But I guess that has something to do with the direction, over acting and the fact that there aren’t any good jokes in the script. I mean, it tries to be funny and charming but it doesn’t come close. The film is pretty much an emotional dud full of one-dimensional hillbilly caricatures.

I guess critics love this thing though, as it has a 93 percent on Rotten Tomatoes at the time that I’m writing this. But Steven Soderbergh is a darling to the elitist film experts that are still, for some reason, impressed with his 1989 debut Sex, Lies, and Videotape – a film that’s status I have never understood. The title was misleading as hell too. When I was twelve, I rented the movie expecting some serious boobage. The film only lives up to the “Lies” part of its title as it wasn’t filmed on “Videotape” and featured no “Sex”. At least, not the supreme boobage that I thought was guaranteed by the title.

Logan Lucky is the least funny attempt at a funny movie that I have seen in quite some time. Also, there just wasn’t that much action and the film was actually quite fucking boring. This didn’t need to be two hours. The film could have been whittled down to 80 minutes and been filled with better jokes and feature a bit of action and it would have been a pretty decent time killer.

I feel bad for the talented cast, having wasted their efforts on this piece of shit. But then again, they work in Hollywood so they probably share the same sentiment that Soderbergh is some sort of auteur mastermind.

All things considered, I have to run this turkey through the Cinespiria Shitometer. The results read, “Type 3 Stool: Like a sausage but with cracks on its surface.”

Rating: 3/10

Film Review: Alien: Covenant (2017)

Release Date: May 4th, 2017 (Leicester Square premiere)
Directed by: Ridley Scott
Written by: John Logan, Dante Harper, Jack Paglen, Michael Green
Music by: Jed Kurzel
Cast: Michael Fassbender, Katherine Waterston, Billy Crudup, Danny McBride, Carmen Ejogo, Demián Bichir, Guy Pearce, James Franco

Scott Free Productions, 20th Century Fox, 123 Minutes

Review:

“One wrong note eventually ruins the entire symphony.” – Walter

Well, Alien: Covenant finally came out. We’re eight Alien movies deep into the franchise now, if you count the two Alien v. Predator movies (which you actually shouldn’t). Also, this one is a direct sequel to Prometheus and part of the prequel series of films leading up to the original Alien. This is also the third of these films directed by the man behind the franchise, Ridley Scott.

I generally disliked the first prequel, Prometheus, as it made the whole Alien mythos more confusing. Well, Alien: Covenant does more of the same in an attempt to connect some of the unconnected dots after Prometheus shook the snow globe to hell.

The problem with Alien: Covenant is that it shakes the snow globe even more. I’ve really just gotten to the point where I’m kind of dismissing a lot of the plot details in an effort to not let these films take anything away from the near masterpiece of the original Alien.

One thing is clear though, despite Ridley Scott saying he had a big plan for how all of these films lead to Alien, the people behind these movies are just making stuff up on the fly. There doesn’t seem to be a real plan, it’s sort of like, “Well, we’ve done this, so now how do we get from here to there?” I guess we won’t know for sure until the next film comes out but I can’t see how this is all going to magically come together and make a lick of sense. While I’m not a fan of having to over explain a movie, these films have painted themselves into a corner now and it’s almost necessary to have to spell everything out. Keeping things sort of ambiguous with a few minor reveals, here and there, just makes these films annoying.

Now the acting is top notch and the cast was pretty impressive. I was especially impressed with how good Danny McBride was in a serious role. I hope this opens some more doors for him. I also liked seeing Demián Bichir, as he is starting to get a lot more work and always brings some gravitas and style to a film. Katherine Waterson was a sort of proto-Ripley the same way that Noomi Rapace was in Prometheus but she doesn’t bring it like Rapace did. She’s okay but she’s not the good character that Dr. Elizabeth Shaw was or the great, great one that Ellen Ripley was.

The effects were a mixed bag. Everything was solid until the final third of the film. The battle on the crane ship was kind of hokey and the CGI was clunky in parts. It was almost comically bad and really ruined the tone of the film. Also, McBride is the pilot. He has one job and he really sucked at it. But at least we got a real alien xenomorph in the sequence.

One scene that worked really well though, was when our marooned heroes had to battle the albino xenomorphs in the grass field. It reminded me of that awesome velociraptor grassland scene from The Lost World where you see people running and raptor tails perking up above the tall grass as they stealthily pick people off.

Also, the scene where the android David is face-to-face with the tall albino xenomorph was really cool until Billy Crudup screwed it up. I wanted to see David communicate with the creature and to see where that was going to go, as he sees these homicidal beasts as his children.

Ultimately, Alien: Covenant isn’t the worst of the three Alien films directed by Scott, that goes to Prometheus. This is not a bad film but it doesn’t really seem to have much of a purpose. It advances David’s story beyond Prometheus but nothing about his character or his motivations is surprising. The big twist involving him at the end is not shocking and it was actually anticipated.

Alien: Covenant is really a dud. I’d much rather see them make the Neill Blomkamp proposed Alien movie that features Ellen Ripley and Cpl. Hicks.

Rating: 5.25/10
Pairs well with: Prometheus