Comic Review: Secret Agent Deadpool

Published: September 5th, 2018
Written by: Christopher Hastings
Art by: Salvador Espin, David Nakayama

Marvel Comics, 24 Pages

Review:

People love Deadpool. People love James Bond. But people did not love If Looks Could Kill, the 1991 Richard Grieco movie where he was mistaken for a famous spy while on a high school trip to Europe. Okay, I kind of liked that movie when I was in middle school but I was still able to realize that it was terrible and that it bombed critically and commercially. It was just one of those dumb motion pictures that was my cup of tea when I was twelve.

The reason I even bring up that long forgotten action teen comedy is because the plot was basically the same thing as this comic. Okay, Deadpool wasn’t an American high school student scoping out the ladies over exotic crepes but he was mistaken as a spy by that spy’s own agency. Because apparently DNA tests and shit don’t exist within the walls of a high tech agency in 2018.

Anyway, this comic is a good example of why I don’t really like Deadpool or at least why I haven’t liked him since like 1994 or so. He’s just straight comedy, all the time and he’s a one note character that isn’t really that interesting when you get past the jokes. And when the jokes aren’t funny and the shtick has run stale, which it did for me a long time ago, you’re left with a boring comic that doesn’t serve much purpose. Well, I guess this serves the purpose of being a cash grab for the publisher, thanks to the hardcore ‘Pool fans out there, most of whom didn’t exist until Ryan Reynolds came along.

I just don’t find Deadpool stories to be all that interesting. Sometimes you have a good story but it’s when the plot is a bit more grounded and it has other well-known characters that can add another layer of depth to the proceedings. Deadpool just running rampant on his own doesn’t work for me.

This tried to be funny but nothing really hit the mark. The art wasn’t very good either and this doesn’t feel like what a Marvel book should feel like. But this is also not a printed comic, it is a Comixology exclusive and made for the digital market.

I guess I can’t complain because it was free with my subscription but this was a bore to get through and I won’t download the second issue.

Rating: 4.75/10
Pairs well with: Other modern Deadpool comics. But really, just man the fuck up and read Deathstroke.

Comic Review: Teenage Wasteland

Published: July 18th, 2018
Written by: Magdalene Visaggio
Art by: Jen Vaughn, Stelladia

Haunted Vault Studios, 25 Pages

Review:

I have read tens of thousands of comic books in my lifetime. That being said, this is the worst fucking comic book I have ever read.

I have a Comixology subscription and they just started coming out with their own original content. I’ve heard mostly bad things but the app was pushing this title hard so I figured I’d give it a shot.

To start, the art is fucking atrocious. I mean, it’s like an eight year-old without thumbs drew this thing. It’s hard to look at, it’s absolutely boring in every panel and honestly, hasn’t this artist ever picked up How to Draw Comics the Marvel Way? I mean, for fuck’s sake, learn how to give your characters dynamic motion. It’s not a hard concept to understand. But this shit looks like Adventure Time fan art some little kid with crayons scribbled onto a paper table mat at a hole in the wall pizzeria.

Then, as I’m reading the story, my mind was going numb. I thought to myself, “My god, this is someone trying to be like Mags Visaggio but their dialogue is even worse than hers!” Then I went and looked at the credits and it was actually written by Mags Visaggio. So is she getting worse? Or did she only get like $15 to write this and just dialed it in. “Hey, Mags… you wanna write a comic for us?” “Okay… gimme a napkin and a crayon and don’t talk for five minutes!” Five minutes later, “There ya go! Final draft!”

I can’t tell what this comic is even trying to be. Is it a Power Rangers ripoff, a Sailor Moon ripoff, a Rainbow Brite ripoff, a Strawberry Shortcake ripoff or just some weird projection fantasy that no one else can remotely relate to?

This was an awful way to spend ten minutes because it felt like ten hours.

There is only one issue out and I don’t normally review single issues but since I will never pick up another issue of this again, I figured I’d put my thoughts down.

Can you get a refund from free? I feel like I was put through some awful scientific medical trial and am owed money from some shady lab somewhere.

Anyway, I don’t usually post videos with comic book reviews but on the same day that I read this toddler scribbled toilet paper, Nerkish posted his review of it on YouTube. So I figured I’d leave you with that, as he has a nice and eloquent way of expressing his thoughts on terrible, terrible comics. Plus, he’s one of the few people I support on Patreon, as you may notice when the credits roll at the end.

Rating: 0/10
Pairs well with: I don’t know, getting hit in the teeth with a baseball bat from the writer.