Film Review: Crocodile Dundee In Los Angeles (2001)

Also known as: Crocodile Dundee III, Crocodile Dundee In Hollywood, Crocodile Dundee Returns (working titles)
Release Date: April 12th, 2001 (Australia)
Directed by: Simon Wincer
Written by: Eric Abrams, Matthew Berry
Based on: characters by Paul Hogan
Music by: Basil Poledouris
Cast: Paul Hogan, Linda Kozlowski, Jere Burns, Jonathan Banks, Aida Turturro, Paul Rodriguez, Steve Rackman, Gerry Skilton, Mike Tyson (cameo)

Bungalow Productions, Silver Lion Films, Vision View Entertainment, 92 Minutes

Review:

“Now, you pick out what you want on that menu there. Then you yell it out into that box. Then in 2 minutes, you’re scoffing it down, without even getting out of the car.” – Mick Dundee, “So, you can eat like a pig… and nobody can see you. [winks] Clever buggers, these yanks.” – Jacko

If I’m being honest, I wasn’t looking forward to revisiting this film, even though I just revisited the two chapters before it and still found them to be entertaining and a great way to waste a few hours.

This one was bad when it came out and time hasn’t done it any favors. In fact, it’s made it worse.

The main issue with this picture is that it wasn’t even written by Paul Hogan. Some other blokes took over that part of the creative process for some reason.

The second issue is that this waited way too long to come out. There is a thirteen year gap between its most recent predecessor and it hurts this movie a lot, as it feels like it’s written like an early ’90s comedy and not something that was made at the turn of the millennium. Honestly, it kind of shows that the style of film that the first two Crocodile Dundees were, were products of their time that worked well back then but not in 2001.

The story is a mess and it takes the weakest part of the first film, which was just being a series of “fish out of water” segments and embraces them more than any of the other installments. It just doesn’t work and most of the bits and gags fall flat in spite of Paul Hogan still having a hell of a lot of charm. But that charm just can’t save a poorly written, unfunny turd.

In fact, the only comedic bits I found amusing were the ones with his buddy, Jacko. They had good chemistry and they were funny together but these scenes were kind of scant and didn’t do anything to propel the story forward.

The criminal plot in this movie is also pretty dumb. It has to do with a Hollywood producer that shoots movies in Europe and Hollywood, using the travel between the two locations as a way to smuggle valuable paintings out of Europe. It’s damn asinine.

Anyway, you can watch the first two movies and still get a lot of enjoyment out of them. This one, not so much.

Well, except for that bonkers Mike Tyson cameo; I can watch that anytime.

Rating: 4/10
Pairs well with: the other Crocodile Dundee films but they’re both a lot better than this one.

Film Review: Crocodile Dundee II (1988)

Release Date: May 20th, 1988 (Australia)
Directed by: John Cornell
Written by: Paul Hogan, Brett Hogan
Music by: Peter Best
Cast: Paul Hogan, Linda Kozlowski, John Meillon, Hechter Ubarry, Juan Fernandez, Charles S. Dutton, Kenneth Welsh, Stephen Root, Steve Rackman, Gerry Skilton, Susie Essman, Colin Quinn, Luis Guzman, Tatyana Ali

Rimfire Films, Paramount Pictures, 108 Minutes

Review:

“What did you do last night?” – Mick Dundee, “We didn’t do nothing. We was here all night.” – Punk, “That’s what you call cool, is it? Well, tomorrow, if someone asks you the same question, you can say: “We didn’t do nothing.” Or you can say: “We went out to Long Island to help this lunatic storm a fortress!” At the very least you can come watch me get my head blown off.” – Mick Dundee

The consensus from critics and from filmgoers is that Crocodile Dundee II is a weak attempt at a sequel that was just made to cash in on its far superior predecessor. Well, the consensus is wrong, as this is the superior film for many reasons, all of which I’ll outline here.

To start, this film knows exactly what it is where the first one couldn’t decide if it was a romantic comedy, an action movie or just a series of comedic bits about a fish out of water.

Crocodile Dundee II is an action comedy. Sure, it taps into the fish out of water stuff but this has a much more cohesive story and it stays on its rails much better. It also goes back into the romance plot but it’s sort of just there to accent the proceedings and to give the stakes depth and meaning, as the love interest is abducted by the villains.

Secondly, Paul Hogan is much more comfortable in the role of Mick Dundee. Not that he wasn’t great in the first movie but in this one, everything comes off as much more natural and it’s as if he really is the character. In fact, when I was a kid, I just kind of assumed this is who he really was and he was just some dude from the Outback that was charismatic enough to get a big break in movies.

Similar to that, Linda Kozlowski is also better in this picture. She seems like she’s come a long way since the first movie, which came out just two years before this one. Her chemistry with Hogan is better and more natural and she’s grown a lot as a character just in being with him and learning from him. She’s kind of a badass in this chapter of the series and where Dundee doesn’t really take the danger seriously, she’s the voice of reason that understands the trouble that they’re in and the monsters that they’re dealing with. All that being said, she has this trait that makes Mick Dundee stronger and more driven and their dynamic in this movie is just really cool to see and far exceeds the awkwardness of their first film together.

This movie is also more action heavy. I love the raid on the drug kingpin’s mansion fortress in the New York City portion of the movie. However, the third and final act that takes place in Australia is really what makes this movie so damn enjoyable. Seeing Dundee use his home field advantage against the drug cartel that is hunting him is clever, fun and showcases all the best aspects of this great and iconic hero.

I think that people mostly have a fond viewpoint of this film now but I remember it getting a lot of hate, back in the day. Or maybe the third film was so bad that by comparison it made this one look better to the haters.

Whatever the case, I’ve always considered this movie to be the best in the franchise. It utilizes the characters much better, has a more cohesive story and also represents the spirit of the franchise in a way that the others just don’t seem to.

Rating: 7.75/10
Pairs well with: the other Crocodile Dundee movies, as well as other films starring Paul Hogan.

Film Review: Crocodile Dundee (1986)

Release Date: April 24th, 1986 (Australia)
Directed by: Peter Faiman
Written by: Paul Hogan, Ken Shadie, John Cornell
Music by: Peter Best
Cast: Paul Hogan, Linda Kozlowski, Mark Blum, David Gulpilil, Michael Lombard, John Meillon, Reginald VelJohnson, Terry Gill, Steve Rackman, Paul Greco

Rimfire Films, Hoyts Distribution, Paramount Pictures, 20th Century Fox, 97 Minutes, 93 Minutes (DVD cut)

Review:

“New York City, Mr. Dundee. Home to seven million people.” – Richard Mason, “That’s incredible. Imagine seven million people all wanting to live together. Yeah, New York must be the friendliest place on Earth.” – Michael J. “Crocodile” Dundee

The first two Crocodile Dundee movies were films that I used to watch a lot, as a kid. The third one is a total turd but I’ll review that after revisiting the first two.

Starting with this one, the first film, I immediately felt the nostalgia bug creeping in when I heard the fairly iconic Crocodile Dundee opening theme start playing, as the helicopter carrying Sue into the Outback showed us that we were ready to go on a cool adventure.

Watching this, all these years later, allowed me to see a lot of the flaws and issues that weren’t apparent to me before. The movie is riddled with editing and pacing issues and there doesn’t seem to be much of an idea as to what the film is supposed to be.

At its core, it is a romantic comedy but it doesn’t fully commit to that and it seems to be more about showing two different characters as fish out of water.

The first half of the picture deals with Sue going into the Australian bush to meet Mick Dundee and to learn about how he survived an alligator attack. The second half deals with Mick going back to New York City with Sue to see what life is like outside of the Outback.

There is an actual plot but it is really thin and it seems to rely more heavily on gags and jokes from scene to scene, as opposed to telling a cohesive story that one can sink their teeth into.

Now this isn’t necessarily a bad thing and the humor in the film is mostly fine but it lacks any sort of emotional investment into the characters and their budding romance. It also doesn’t help that there doesn’t seem to be much chemistry between them, at least not natural chemistry. I kind of find that strange, as they got married in real life and remained married for a few decades, only getting divorced a few years ago.

Some of the gags are pretty dated and I think some stuff might make people’s stomach churn in modern society where everything is offensive. Two scenes that come to mind are the ones where Mick grabs someone’s genitals to see if they’re a bloke or a sheila.

Crocodile Dundee is still a mostly humorous, lighthearted picture that is actually kind of charming and cute because Paul Hogan is actually pretty great as the title character. But that charm can’t carry a whole movie and this one is sort of a mess, structurally.

I don’t really see what the point of it was and that’s because it’s objective wasn’t all that clear. I think this is why I liked the second film better, back in the day, because it actually has a more solid plot and objectives you can follow, as Mick fights a drug cartel and it’s more action heavy. Most people seem to think the second one was a much weaker film but I guess I’ll have to see how I feel about it now, when I watch it in the very near future.

Rating: 7/10
Pairs well with: the other Crocodile Dundee movies, as well as other films starring Paul Hogan.

Film Review: The Marshes (2018)

Release Date: 2018 (Australia)
Directed by: Roger Scott
Written by: Roger Scott
Music by: Tristan Coelho
Cast: Dafna Kronental, Sam Delich, Mathew Cooper, Zac Drayson, Amanda McGregor, Eddie Baroo

28 Productions, 85 Minutes

Review:

Holy fuck this was a dreadfully bad movie!

That sucks because I saw a pretty glowing review for this but that reviewer must have been someone that worked on the film or the director’s mother.

The story taps into the Australian legend about the Swagman. He’s a sort of Boogeyman that lives in the marshes. Other than that, I don’t know anything about him and the film doesn’t do much to spell it out for you either. So those watching it that aren’t privy to Australian folklore are pretty much left in the dark. Honestly, maybe it’s not even a real legend and I’m just assuming that because the plot here is so thin that a bulimic ’90s supermodel is in awe of it.

The worst thing about this film is that you don’t care about the peril that the main characters are in. Why? Because there isn’t a single character in the movie that is remotely likable. They’re all know-it-all douchebag Millennials that are so into themselves and their bullshit that they’re pretty damn insufferable. So I guess these type of youngsters aren’t exclusive to just the United States. And that’s not a shot at Millennials in general, just the dominant type of Millennial.

Anyway, there are also two redneck characters but they’re even worse than the three leads.

The Marshes tries really hard to be a slow burning suspense thriller but it fails in that regard. Not a lot happens and it takes awhile to get to the good stuff but the slow build is kind of just derivative shite, mostly boring and totally predictable.

When it comes to the killer, he’s not that exciting or cool. His powers are confusing and you never fully see him or get to understand him on any level.

This film is a complete failure of storytelling, character development, pacing and just about everything else that’s important to a motion picture.

Well, on a positive note, it’s pretty short.

Rating: 2.5/10
Pairs well with: the crappiest of crappy foreign slasher films.

Film Review: The Cars That Ate Paris (1974)

Also known as: The Cars That Eat People (US alternative title), Cars (Germany, Norway), Killing Cars (France)
Release Date: May, 1974 (Cannes)
Directed by: Peter Weir
Written by: Peter Weir, Keith Gow
Music by: Bruce Smeaton
Cast: John Meillon, Terry Camilleri, Kevin Miles, Bruce Spence, Chris Haywood

Royce Smeal Film Productions, Salt-Pan, The Australian Film Development Corporation, 91 Minutes, 74 Minutes (cut version)

Review:

“As to our youth, they are idle. They are lazy. The need to work! As that American President said, eh, what was his name? Roosevelt. Roosevelt, yes. The New Deal! Build! They have got to work!” – The Mayor

This Aussie film is a strange little bird.

It’s a very dry, black comedy about a small village that causes car accidents in order to strip cars of their parts and to use the accident victims for weird medical experiments.

Writer and director Peter Weir came up with the idea while driving through the French countryside. He thought the road he was on was full of strange warning signs and found it odd how villages were sprinkled along the stretch of his rural journey.

I think that this film has a real place in history not because of its overall quality but because of its influence on other films that made more of a cultural impact, the original Mad Max for instance, which borrows some of this film’s ideas but executes them better. And then later on, the sequels would borrow some of the post-apocalyptic automobile designs from this picture. Most notably, the spiky cars that were used in 2015’s Mad Max: Fury Road.

This film also sprinkles in a bit of horror and sci-fi with a pinch of Bruce Spence, who would go on to be in two Mad Max films, as well as Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith, The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King and Matrix Revolutions.

This is a moderately amusing film but a lot of the comedy doesn’t hit. This could be because the humor is very Australian and some things might not translate, culturally. Also, it is a pretty dated movie when seen through modern eyes.

From a narrative standpoint, this explores some neat ideas but doesn’t really deliver on them. Although the mayhem in the final sequence was pretty enjoyable, as the town’s angry teens in post-apocalyptic cars overrun the big annual festival.

I wouldn’t call this a great movie and it’s almost forgettable, other than the fact that it influenced movies that are better than it.

Rating: 5.75/10
Pairs well with: other Peter Weir films and then the original Mad Max, as it has some minute similarities.