I have to take some time off due to a family emergency.
I have to take some time off due to a family emergency.
The Cartoonist Kayfabe guys (Ed Piskor & Jim Rugg) discuss the Palmer’s Picks feature from Wizard, Issue 11.
From Toy Galaxy’s YouTube description: People don’t generally remember who finished second place but with transforming alien robot toys that just isn’t the case. This is the history of the GoBots.
Sure, Transformers finished in a distant first place in pop culture but in this case plenty of people are still big fans of the second place finisher.
From Defunctland’s YouTube description: In this special crossover episode of Defunctland, Jack and I explore the history behind Epcot’s extinct simulator, Body Wars.
From Comic Tropes’ YouTube description: Sergio Aragonés and his team have been making hilarious Groo comic books since the early ’80s. This video gives some of Sergio’s history breaking into comics, the creation and evolution of Groo and the type of humor it uses.
RETRO RELAPSE is a series of older articles from various places where I used to write before Talking Pulp.
*Written in 2014.
There isn’t a night where I go out that I don’t run into at least a few dudes who can’t seem to handle just one cocktail. You know you’ve seen them too. Hell, for all I know, you, the reader, could be one of these 5-star party animals that finds themselves crashing and burning after one Jägerbomb or even worse, one bottle of Bud Lite Lime.
You are the Mike’s Hard Lemonade drinker. The Smirnoff Ice sommelier. The ’90s poster boy for Zima, who considers a classic cocktail to be some swill manufactured by Bartles & Jaymes. The guy that doesn’t understand why people roll their eyes when you show up to a B.Y.O.B. with just one six pack. You show up the most gung ho, the most ready to throw down and often times the most obnoxious. You argue with bouncers about your shorts and trucker hat outside of a nice establishment. You have just one bowling shirt that you think is sufficient for dressing up when taking your significant other to a fancy anniversary dinner of Jack Daniel’s ribs at T.G.I. Friday’s. You probably get drunk on those Jack Daniel’s ribs. Hell, you probably still own a Korn t-shirt. You’re a self-described animal of the night that can go the distance and turn any shindig into an ultimate rager. The fact of the matter is, you’re the first one to fall in a room full of more suave party people.
Now don’t get me wrong, you can be fun and entertaining but after one round of shots, it isn’t fun to be holding you up against the bar, as you drool like a sloppy baby yelling out your ex-girlfriend’s name in front of your current girlfriend. I appreciate you buying me whatever the hell sweet and disgusting shot that was and I thank you for it, as it is still alcohol of some sort, but your response to my gratitude shouldn’t be puking and pissing on me while I’m trying to sit you down in a chair. Frankly, despite your inability to hang with us professional alcoholics, I’d like to spend more than fifteen minutes with you before 6 oz. of Popov and cranberry effect you like a Floyd Mayweather uppercut.
You’re not a bad person, you’re just not doing it right. You need help. You really need to train. You need to step your game up and learn how to control your shit. Maybe your DNA isn’t wired for drinking and if that’s the case, just stick to beer. However, when I say “beer”, I’m referring to something respectable. Nothing flavored, nothing clear and god forbid nothing low calorie! If you’re going to drink, just fucking drink. That is, unless you’re some dainty white girl who finds herself sitting around the house munching on SnackWells cookies because you can eat more of those than you can E.L. Fudge.
If you are a cocktail drinker, put down the energy drink mixers, pick a better vodka and for fuck’s sake, get to know some good whiskeys. There are a ton of badass cocktails that you can drink that have a ton more flavor and character than your disgusting concoction of Goldschläger and O.J. Hell, I made a list of my Top 10 Classic Cocktails (link no longer available). You should read it and start there.
It doesn’t end there though. You need to learn how to go the distance. If you crash early, pace yourself. Don’t start with a wimpy shot that will knock you on your ass immediately. Order a decent beer or a decent cocktail and take it easy. You don’t have to slam the fucking thing.
When starting out my alcoholic training regiment, I suggest that you limit yourself to just one drink per hour. When you get to a point where you don’t want to pass out in a pile of vomit within that time, up your intake to two drinks per hour. To be honest, I very rarely ever go beyond two-to-three alcoholic beverages in an hour. This is how I pace myself, still get seriously buzzed but don’t find myself hitting the floor like a tranquilized hippopotamus.
Now this may take some time to master and to get the hang of but I’ve had well over a decade to practice and I’ve got my shit together. I used to find myself overdoing it and honestly, sometimes on a rare occasion, I still do but for the most part, I keep it together, have a good time, get moderately inebriated and don’t find myself making bad decisions or becoming the burden of the party.
Class up your shit. This isn’t just drinking advice, it’s life advice. Maybe it is time to grow up because dude bros in their mid-thirties who still carry themselves in public like freshmen frat boys at their first kegger are just embarrassing themselves. Plus, you’ll never make a good impression on a potential life mate if you’re in the fetal position, soaked in piss.
And definitely don’t drink in front of bosses or co-workers until you can handle more than one cocktail.
I’m just trying to do my part. You’re welcome, America.
Celebrate the return of Talking Pulp and Independence Day with these three lengthy and fantastic Cartoonist Kayfabe videos about Jim & Ed’s quarter bin hauls from this year’s Free Comic Book Day!
From Cartoonist Kayfabe’s YouTube description for Part 1: Jim unboxes a short box of comics from a recent quarter sale (New Dimension Comics at Pittsburgh Mills)!
From Cartoonist Kayfabe’s YouTube description for Part 2: Ed and Jim go through a box of quarter comics – mostly weird ’80s black and white books!
From Cartoonist Kayfabe’s YouTube description for Part 3: Ed and Jim go through a box of quarter comics – mostly weird ’80s black and white books!