Video Game Review: 8 Eyes (NES)

I have never played 8 Eyes but I always thought that the box art and logo were really cool. But it was sort of lost in the sea of other side scrolling fantasy games of the time and I never heard much about it from friends, as to whether it was good, bad or just meh.

But I figured that I’d fire it up and attempt to give it a playthrough because I typically love these sort of games and there are still many old school Nintendo games that I slept on as a kid because my allowance was shit and my choices of what games to rent was pretty limited at the ol’ mom and pop video store.

Overall, I really enjoyed this. However, it was confusing at first, as I wasn’t sure if I needed to beat levels in a certain order and because the controls are pretty complex for a game from this generation. The controls are still simple enough but it took some mental adjustment and a bit of time to understand how to do the falconry stuff.

I though that most of the level designs were pretty good but there was a pretty big variance on difficulty and size of the maps.

There is a gigantic mix of different enemy types and most of them are easy enough but there are a few that are frustrating. Unfortunately, the boss battles are all fairly annoying, not fun and they take away from the overall solidness of the game.

8 Eyes looks good though, with nice sprite design, a good color palate and an environment that uses the best aspects of the Castlevania games without being hindered by wonky mechanics.

Rating: 7/10
Pairs well with: the Castlevania games, which it’s design is very similar to, as well as other side scrolling fantasy games for the original Nintendo.

Book Review: ’12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos’ by Jordan B. Peterson

I don’t usually read books like this but it was given to me by a friend. I then realized that Jordan Peterson was the guy that was supremely hated and protested by all the college kids that want the entire world to be a “safe zone”.

After reading this, I’m not sure why all the weirdos of college campuses hate the guy. I guess it’s because he’s trying to show you how to succeed at life and make something out of yourself instead of being a leech baby sucking society’s chaffed tits while crying that everything is unfair, racist, sexist, hard, tough and too dependent on intelligence and good work ethic.

Overall, this is a pretty good book. It took me a long time to get through it, as I don’t usually read stuff like this.

It also features some art by Ethan Van Sciver, even though they spelled his name wrong on the credits page. For those that don’t know, he’s another guy that crybaby pussies hate because he calls them out on their bullshit.

This is a pretty shitty book review. But the book isn’t shitty.

Far from it.

These things just typically bore me to tears but that’s because I have little time to read books and when I do, I want them to be about something I want to learn.

I pretty much already know how not to suck at life. So here are my “13 Rules for Life” because I prefer baker’s dozens.

1. Don’t be a little bitch about everything.
2. Treat people with respect.
3. Don’t surround yourself with fucking shitheads.
4. Eat some damn fruit and vegetables once in a while.
5. Fuck stuff, especially attractive stuff.
6. Don’t make excuses or blame the universe when you suck.
7. Don’t worry about “likes” on social media, it’s not 2008 anymore, grow up.
8. Maybe exercise a bit more.
9. Don’t walk around town like a sad, frumpy asshole.
10. Don’t start shit you won’t finish.
11. Be fucking charitable, not a selfish twat.
12. Be the rock for others in the way you hope they’ll be the rock for you.
13. Learn what words like “loyalty” and “gratitude” actually mean and understand them.

See, it’s simple stuff.

The end. And bitch… you’re welcome!

Rating: 8/10
Pairs well with: other motivational, self-help, positive thinking, go get’em books.

Vids I Dig 216: Comic Tropes: The History of Every ‘Crisis’ in DC Comics

From Comic Tropes’ YouTube description: The CW is adapting DC Comics seminal crossover event Crisis on Infinite Earths. This video takes a look at the various Crisis stories in DC Comics which have been running since the 60s. The word “crisis” in a title in DC Comics tends to imply an epic event with changes to their ongoing comics.

Film Review: Rambo III (1988)

Also known as: Rambo: First Blood Part III (Malaysia)
Release Date: May 25th, 1988
Directed by: Peter MacDonald
Written by: Sylvester Stallone, Sheldon Lettich
Based on: character by David Morrell
Music by: Jerry Goldsmith
Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Richard Crenna, Kurtwood Smith, Marc de Jonge

Carolco Pictures, TriStar Pictures, 102 Minutes, 87 Minutes (heavily cut VHS version)

Review:

“Yeah, well, there won’t be a victory! Every day, your war machines lose ground to a bunch of poorly-armed, poorly-equipped freedom fighters! The fact is that you underestimated your competition. If you’d studied your history, you’d know that these people have never given up to anyone. They’d rather die, than be slaves to an invading army. You can’t defeat a people like that. We tried! We already had our Vietnam! Now you’re gonna have yours!” – Colonel Trautman

While I will love any Rambo movie by default, there are some that aren’t as good as others. From memory, this one was my least favorite but I also hadn’t seen it in about fifteen years. Now that I’ve seen it again, it is pretty damn awesome even if it is the worst of the original trilogy of films. But out of the three, someone had to lose.

That being said, it is a damn solid ’80s action movie that is unapologetic, out to splatter the balls of lesser men and just a great conclusion to the Rambo story arc. Well, that is until we were allowed to check in on him twenty years later with 2008’s Rambo, a film no one ever really anticipated, as Hollywood wasn’t resurrecting everything under the sun by that point.

Anyway, this movie shows us that John Rambo has been living in Thailand where he is a pit fighter that whips ass for money. Granted, he gives the money to the nice monks that let him live in their monastery, where he also does some handyman work. Colonel Trautman then shows up with a new mission that will help free a region of Afghanistan from a Soviet tyrant who is pretty damn sadistic.

After September 11th, 2001, this plot was looked at as somewhat controversial, as Rambo aided the mujahideen, a group that was associated with Osama bin Laden in the real world. The ending of the film even had a blurb of text that said the film was dedicated to “…the brave mujahideen fighters of Afghanistan.” Since 2001, the film has been altered to say that it’s dedicated to the “…gallant people of Afghanistan.”

Apart from that issue, which really isn’t an issue when you consider the history of the United States, the Soviet Union and the politics of the Soviet-Afghan War, this is one badass movie. In fact, once Rambo gets going in this flick, he is a killing machine and the action only stops long enough to give you a breather a few times.

My only real gripe about the film is that it takes too long to really get to the good stuff. There is a great action sequence early on, which sees the Soviets in a Hind-D helicopter attack an Afghan buzkashi match but after that, there is a lot of talk, planning and scenes of Trautman (and later Rambo) in Soviet custody. The film isn’t overly slow in the first two acts but they probably could’ve lobbed off ten or fifteen minutes and made it flow at a better pace.

Out of the original three films, however, this has, hands down, the best climax. We get to see Rambo, driving a tank, play a game of chicken with the Soviet Hind-D helicopter. It’s fucking glorious and is one of the most masculine moments in the history of cinema. While the final sequence here doesn’t beat out the final sequence of Death Wish 3, it has made me develop a theory that the big finale of the third film in action franchises will always be tremendous. Ignore Lethal Weapon 3, though, otherwise it destroys my theory like a balsa wood house in a fire… like the one in the final fight in Lethal Weapon 3.

Rambo III is a spectacular action flick, a product of its time (a great time, mind you) and it stars one of the best actors of the action genre, in his prime, playing his second greatest character. Seriously, what’s not to love, here?

Rating: 7.75/10
Pairs well with: the other Rambo movies, as well as other ’80s and early ’90s Stallone movies.

Comic Review: Wolverine: Weapon X

Published: 1991
Written by: Barry Windsor-Smith
Art by: Barry Windsor-Smith

Marvel Comics, 148 Pages

Review:

From issues 72 through 84 of Marvel Comics Presents, the world was given one of the greatest comic character origin stories ever put to paper. In fact, it may be the best, as it is an absolute masterpiece of visual storytelling.

This is a story that has since been told in cartoons, live action movies and countless other mediums that have featured the Wolverine character. None of them, however, quite capture the true horror of the story. And that’s really what this is at it’s core: horror.

It starts with a younger Wolverine being beaten and abducted. He’s taken to a lab where he is experimented on and ultimately, gets his indestructible adamantium skeleton and claws.

It’s the long painful process that is center stage in the story. Wolverine is poked, prodded and has his body filled with molten metal, as his rapid healing power keeps him alive through all of it. The evil scientists strip away his mind but eventually, Wolverine escapes, and attacks his captors like a wild animal.

There are a few twists to the plot but I won’t spoil any of that.

At the time, this may have been the darkest story ever to be published by Marvel. It was intense, incredibly fucked up but it was also perfect, which is due to the great Barry Windsor-Smith, who wrote a stupendous story and illustrated some the best work in his legendary career.

Rating: 10/10
Pairs well with: other Wolverine solo stories from the late ’80s into the early ’90s.

Vids I Dig 215: Filmento: ‘Joker’: How to Make Evil Likable

From Filmento’s YouTube description: 2019’s Joker is a strange film in the sense that its one and only protagonist is the furthest thing from a traditional hero as can be — he’s a bad guy. Yet, despite all the evil acts Joaquin Phoenix’s Arthur Fleck in this Todd Phillips movie commits, the audience never turns on him and instead keeps staying on his side. In today’s award winning episode of everyone’s favorite show Film Perfection, let’s see how this is made possible. Not sure how it will work in Joker 2 though, if we get one.