**Not quite winter but the summer list was popular, so I brought this one back too.
RETRO RELAPSE is a series of older articles from various places where I used to write before Talking Pulp.
*Written in 2015.
I did a summer list about six months ago. So why not a winter list?
It is winter time. Well maybe not officially, as I am ignorant on the exact day it starts. I live in Florida though, so it is summer here from early March through late October. It is hot all the time and it kind of sucks, honestly. Can we have some damned snow, please? Please, baby Jesus?! But it’s December. It is probably definitely winter.
Anyway, it’s supposed to be cold and snowy and whatnot. This changes the outdoors and makes things pretty exciting if you love adventure and pretending you are on Hoth.
So what should a beastly manly MFer do with his time now that he has several months off from the heat and humidity (if you live in Florida)? Well, I’m glad I asked because here is a list of twenty-five things men should do over the winter.
1. Dig a hole in the ground, create a fire pit and roast a large woodland beast over it for you, your friends and family.
2. Cut a hole in a frozen lake and catch some big fish. Then eat those big fish.
3. Like on my summer list, go to a National Park and soak in the beauty of your surroundings. Everything looks different in the winter.
4. Take a long weekend and go on a minor league hockey road trip. Go see the two or three teams closest to you. Or better yet, go see a string of games in Canada, where hockey is most pure.
5. Pretend you’re a Cold War Soviet badass and run around nude in the snow chugging vodka from the bottle.
6. Go to Kentucky and travel the Bourbon Trail.
7. Wear an old Irish fisherman’s sweater.
8. Chop wood for your own fire.
9. Brew your own beer.
10. Go camping. It is the most fun in cold weather.
11. Start keeping a journal. Write down your thoughts, goals and plans. Hold yourself accountable to your written records.
12. Warm up by making a lot of sweet love with your special lady or your special dude.
13. Rent a cabin if you don’t own one and be wild for a bit.
14. Spend some time doing those much needed repairs around your house, if it is just too damned cold outside.
15. Go on a multi-day hike – the longer, the better. Also on my summer list but again, things are much different in the winter.
16. Build a canoe for you to enjoy in the summer.
17. Enjoy cigars and pipes on those cold winter days.
18. Get in touch with your inner creative, whether that is painting, writing, blacksmithing, etc.
19. Cut down your own Christmas tree from the forest.
20. Sit around a campfire and read the written words of Jack London or Louis L’Amour.
21. Go skiing or learn how to ski. You want to be your own winter James Bond, right?
22. Take up whittling or model crafting. Use your hands so they don’t go cold.
23. Listen to bluegrass in a rocking chair with a jug of moonshine in your lap.
24. Perfect your cooking skills. Create a great seasoning blend for meat. Master jerky making.
25. Allow your beard to reach full maximum winter plumage.