RETRO RELAPSE is a series of older articles from various places where I used to write before Talking Pulp.
*Written in 2015.
It is summer time. Well maybe not officially, as I am ignorant on the exact day it starts. I live in Florida though, so it is summer here from early March through late October. It is hot all the time and it kind of sucks, honestly.
Anyway, kids are getting out of school and all that, so it is summer time.
So what should a beastly manly MFer do with his time now that he has several months off from slaying yeti and frost giants? Well, I’m glad I asked because here is a list of twenty-five things men should do over the summer.
1. Have a badass barbecue. Invite your friends if you want to share all that glorious meat.
2. Take a long weekend and go on a minor league baseball road trip. Go see the two or three teams closest to you.
3. Go to a swimming hole and let loose. Swing from a tree like Tarzan and hit that water.
4. Teach yourself how to throw a tomahawk.
5. If it is too hot outside, stay indoors and fix some of the things that need tending to in your domicile. Your wife or lady friend will be really appreciative.
6. Go to a National Park and soak in the beauty of your surroundings.
7. Learn how to make soap.
8. Paddle a canoe. A real canoe. Kayaks are canoes for babies and people who have Speedo rewards cards.
9. Get certified in some subject or field that interests you.
10. Go on a craft brewery road trip.
11. Chop some wood. It is a great workout and you get more out of it in the heat.
12. Go on a multi-day hike – the longer, the better.
13. Play some type of sport outside with your friends.
14. Learn how to shoot a bow.
15. Spend way too much money on fireworks.
16. Read a book or twenty. Better yet, write a book.
17. Start taking a martial art.
18. Travel to somewhere you haven’t been.
19. Kill a wild boar and eat it because they are assholes to pretty much every ecosystem they’ve taken over. Plus, they are full of wild bacon.
20. Drink too much bourbon.
21. Do a lot of push-ups.
22. Eat an exotic meat. Buffalo isn’t really exotic.
23. Go camping, even if it’s hot. We’ve only had decent air conditioning for like fifty years. Or travel to a cooler climate and camp there.
24. Go fishing for dinner.
25. DON’T SHAVE YOUR BEARD! Deal with the heat like a man!