Retro Relapse: Psycho Snooping Bitches

RETRO RELAPSE is a series of older articles from various places where I used to write before Talking Pulp.

*Written in 2014.

Psycho snooping bitches are in abundance these days. I use the word “bitches” because I’m trying to be moderately polite and not use the more appropriate descriptive term “cunts”. Now there are more sane and trusting women out there but the number of distrustful psychos within their population is growing.

I’ve come across a few of these women in my days and none of the experiences were worth the headache and usually they came compounded with drama, bullshit and after the fact, they couldn’t get the hint and just fade away from my life. There are a lot of other negative character traits that come with these types of women and they are damned near impossible to bottle up. The quickest and easiest advice I can give is to ditch the psycho bitch. Living under fascism, even if a vagina is attached to it, is not living at all.

But let me delve into this shit a bit further.

There is something seriously wrong with a female that has the natural urge and feels she has the right to sneak behind you and check your emails, your social networking profiles and your text messages. Chances are that this girl sniffs your dirty underwear when you’re in the shower in an effort to find some minute scent that may allude to your infidelity. She sniffs all your clothes, goes through your pockets, probably finds nothing but is still a bitch when you get out of the shower because as far as she is concerned, she just hasn’t found the smoking gun yet.

This girl is also probably the type to watch every god-awful shit reality show featuring glamorous non-celebrities who fuck everything in sight and cheat on a different partner each episode, cycling through the entire cast. She can’t decipher what reality actually is and believes such entertainment to be a primer on life. In fact, if you hook up with a girl who obsesses over this bullshit, get the fuck out immediately. If her mind isn’t diseased yet, it will be.

Chances are that she doesn’t watch a lot of that shit but she is just unable to trust anyone because the love of her life ten years ago (i.e. the first dude she fucked in high school) banged her best friend at some drunken house party. She also probably suffers from the “all men are pigs” and the “all men are the same” mental disorder. Fellas, it is not your job to try and prove her wrong or to fix her. She has to fix herself. Again, just walk away.

A lot of these girls also go from relationship to relationship and can’t understand why they can’t find happiness and why decent guys won’t stick around. Those who usually do stick around longer are the type of dudes who are just as distrusting as her. A couple like that is impossible to be around in a social sense and I’ve known many couples like this and have had to walk away as a friend.

You see, in a relationship, trust is not just important, it is pretty fucking vital. If you can’t trust anyone, you need to get some professional help. Reason being, without trust, you will never be able to be happy. You will always be looking in every nook and cranny trying to find something to prove that your unfounded suspicions are true. In fact, you probably make up evidence in your own head or turn every little innocent thing into some bullshit scenario. Why would anyone want to be in a relationship like this? How can you live your life assuming that everyone is going to be a piece of shit that will fuck you over?

With a lot of these people, not just the girls now, some of this distrust probably stems from the fact that they themselves are shady and shitty people. This is another reason why you should get the fuck out and move on. Often times when people see faults in others, especially when there is no evidence of their existence, it is usually because they are projecting their own faults onto their partner. Intellectually, a lot of adults in this modern world are small children.

There is a decent amount of bullshit that I will accept (to a point) in a relationship, if I do actually care about the person. This however, is one of those things I have no tolerance for, especially knowing that I have never cheated on someone and wouldn’t. I have respect for those I am seeing and to those who want to rebut with “never say never”, you can fuck off. I’m an adult and in control of my own faculties. That is what being an adult is.

Luckily, while these females exist, they aren’t the majority.

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