RETRO RELAPSE is a series of older articles from various places where I used to write before Talking Pulp.
*Written in 2014.
These days, it seems that there are too many children in grown-up bodies. In fact, almost everyone I encounter except for a very small minority are these types of people. I can’t say that I haven’t been guilty of it from time to time but when it comes to respect for someone else, especially someone I care about or at least once cared about, I maintain that respect and a level of maturity with how I handle the situation.
When it comes to a large number of women I know, they don’t seem to understand the level of respect that they should maintain for other people, especially their own man.
Often times, some of my female friends feel the need to trash talk their man to me or to other friends of ours. I hear about how their man no longer has passion in bed, is a full-grown man child, doesn’t work enough, works too much, is too hung up on his mother, is too close to some random ex-girlfriend, is too irresponsible for his age, has a drinking problem, doesn’t pay enough attention to her, is bad with money, has no plan for the future, etc. etc. et-fucking-cetera.
I’m not saying that men don’t talk smack to their friends about their girlfriends at the peak of a drunken rampage but it is much rarer, in my experience, and it takes a hell of a lot more for a man to share shit like that than a woman. Plus, most men aren’t fixated on a bunch of trivial bullshit. Usually when a guy drops some shit like this, it is something pretty serious and he’s been holding on to it for a long time. Now if a male is as gossipy and talks shit about his significant other to the level of the woman described in the preceding paragraph, avoid him. In fact, I can’t fathom how he ever got out of the proverbial “friend zone” with a woman.
Maybe I am a nice guy, maybe I come off as trusting and maybe these women feel like they can confide in me. They can actually, because unlike them, I’m not going to broadcast their bullshit to everyone within earshot. I respect people. The thing is, my awesomeness doesn’t really factor in here, as these women will say these things to anyone sitting next to them, whether it is a close confidant or a complete stranger at the bar.
How would these women feel if roles were reversed? What if their man told every one of his friends and complete strangers in his travels that his woman was shit in bed, immature, irresponsible, a drunk, unable to handle money or any other negative trait? I can’t think of many, if any, women that would accept that. And frankly, the men shouldn’t accept their women doing the same thing to them. In the end, where’s the respect? People like this don’t deserve to be in a relationship because they aren’t mature enough to handle adult situations and to understand what respect is.
In a relationship, you are on a team. If you harbor any of these negative feelings to the point of feeling the need to broadcast them to the world and not to your significant other, you’ve got a serious problem. You should really reflect on why you have these feelings and what to do about it before just blurting out every character flaw that your boyfriend has. Then again, people are so quick to look for faults, which I talked about in The Failure of Modern Relationships. If you are quick to find faults, you’ve got a problem with yourself and not your significant other. Everyone has faults, no one is perfect but I don’t need to rehash what I already wrote in the relationships post I just mentioned.
Usually these gossipy girls are on the hunt for “a good man”. They can’t ever seem to find one, even though there are probably several within their social circle or in front of them on a daily basis. Being that I am a good man, I feel like I need to chime in here.
If I have a female friend that exhibits the behavior that I’ve been talking about here (i.e. she constantly talks shit about any and every guy she has been involved with), I want nothing to do with her from a romantic standpoint. Guys pick up on this game and if a girl has the penchant for talking shit about boyfriends and guys she dates, we want no part of her. We don’t want our perceived idiosyncrasies and imperfections broadcast to the world through that woman’s bullhorn.
The big problem for these girls, is that they stick out like a sore thumb because they can’t help themselves. It seems like gossiping about their lover is their nature and they don’t even seem to question it and why it is a horrible thing to do to someone you’re supposed to care about and how it paints you to be a complete fucking bitch drunk on your own self-importance.
Out of respect for a lot of the guys who are victimized by this, even if I don’t know them, I tell these women to stop talking about it. If I was that guy, I wouldn’t want my asshole girlfriend to be trash talking me publicly. And this goes both ways, as no woman should ever stand for it if her man does this to her.
Keep your arguments behind closed doors. The only time you should bring this stuff up, is if there is a real problem or some sort of actual physical or mental abuse going on. Then again, in that situation, you need to leave.
I don’t know, it just seems to me that many adults can’t handle adult relationships anymore and are still embracing high school drama and bullshit well into their thirties. It’s no wonder why marriages never last and more and more people find themselves single, divorced or disgruntled. Like with everything in love and life, change has to start with you.