Video Game Review: ALF (Sega Master System)

This was a disappointment.

I was glad to finally have access to the Sega Master System via a RetroPie machine. When I saw that there was an ALF game for it, I had to power it up and go for the gusto!

To be blunt, this game fucking sucks.

You play as ALF. Initially, I thought I was supposed to pick up cats. Although, I’m not sure if you save them to eat them later or what the deal is. But the game goes deeper than that and the cats don’t seem that important.

You also have to dodge these perverts dressed like Buttons McBoomBoom from C.O.P.S. They are walking around slowly, hands stretched out like they’re trying to grab boobies and if they touch you, you’re instantaneously dead. However, they don’t have to even touch you. They just have to be close. But that makes the mechanics of the game infuriating as you can’t whisk by them or jump over them. It’s like they have ghost tentacles with instant death poison.

Additionally, you get out of the house and take to the streets. The game sort of becomes a side scrolling Frogger in that you have to move around traffic. However, like the perverts, the vehicles don’t have to actually touch you, they just need to be close. So the game becomes even more infuriating.

On the positive side, I thought that the graphics were good for the time. But that’s about the only real positive.

I’d rather eat a whole tray of school lunch pizza than have to play this again.

Rating: 2.25/10
Pairs well with: other poorly crafted and executed 8-bit games based on intellectual properties that were just looking for a quick buck from ’80s and ’90s kids.

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