TV Review: Critters: A New Binge (2019- )

Original Run: March 21st, 2019 – current
Created by: Al Kaplan, Jon Kaplan, Jordan Rubin
Directed by: Jordan Rubin
Written by: Al Kaplan, Jon Kaplan, Jordan Rubin
Based on: Critters by Stephen Herek, Domonic Muir, Don Keith Opper
Music by: Al Kaplan, Jon Kaplan
Cast: Joey Morgan, Stephi Chin-Salvo, Bzhaun Rhoden, Kirsten Robek, Christian Sloan, Gilbert Gottfried, Stephen Merchant (voice)

Abominable Pictures, Blue Ribbon Content, Shudder, 8 Episodes (so far), 8-11 Minutes (per episode)

Review:

I owned all of the Critters movies on VHS. Even though the third and fourth installments to the series were pretty terrible, the films have always amused me. So obviously, I was pretty excited to check this out, even though I didn’t know of its existence until about a month ago.

Sadly, this also isn’t great. It’s not too terrible but it misses the mark quite a bit and I don’t think that Critters has a mark that should be that hard to hit. Just have carnivorous aliens tear through human meat, toss in a bit of humor and let it roll.

The real problem is that this was so low budget that it felt like a fan film and if I’m being honest, I’ve seen fan films do much more with even less money. Also, the Crites looked too big and the animatronics weren’t as good as the films made 20-30 years ago.

Also, why was this a TV show and not just a movie? I was excited, thinking that we’d get 10-13 half hour episodes but what we got were 8 episodes that clock in between 8 to 11 minutes with 2 of those minutes being credits at the end. If you add up the running time of this show, it has less minutes than any of the four previous films. Even though I already subscribe to Shudder, I felt cheated.

This show is batshit crazy and while I like that the Crites get to say more thanks to the magic of subtitles, the humor is absurdist to the point of being almost unsalvageable. Some of the gags were a bit funny but a lot of it came off as cringe. The big plot twist involving the fat kid’s insatiable appetite was so far out of left field that it pulled me out of the show, made me audibly moan and then I just felt like I had to power through the last few episodes just to wrap it up and move on.

I was surprised to see Gilbert Gottfried in this and he was probably the most enjoyable thing in the series but they kill him off rather quickly and if Gilbert Gottfried is your secret weapon, you need to go back to Bass Pro and buy a better one.

I don’t hate this but I didn’t really enjoy it and about halfway through, it felt like a chore to finish, despite how short it was.

Will I watch a second season? I don’t know. Ask me in a year if one actually gets made.

Rating: 4.5/10
Pairs well with: the Critters movies, as well as anything featuring Gremlins, Ghoulies or Munchies.

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