*The Bullshit Series started on an older blog but I wanted to bring these articles back here, as I have new installments for the series that I want to release over time. The series focuses on things that I think are bullshit… like filet mignon, Zubaz pants, the Pro Bowl and diets.
*Written in 2014.
Back in the day, I was an avid ESPN watcher. A morning before high school wasn’t complete without at least fifteen minutes of SportsCenter squeezed in. I also enjoyed the short-lived CNN SI, which was more straightforward with the sports news and less about entertainment.
The entertainment factor is probably why ESPN continued to dominate and CNN SI only made it a few years. Sure, CNN SI was fairly boring but it was about the news and not about cheap pops and a humor-driven shtick. Personally, I always loved ESPN’s format and style but somewhere along the line, it got distracted.
It isn’t just ESPN though, the largest sports shows, magazines and websites out there also got distracted. I’m not sure how it happened but over the last ten years or so, sports news became less about sports and more about gossip and bullshit. The modern sports media has become TMZ, the National Enquirer and Extra. ESPN has become E! for men.
I tune in because I want scores, highlights and stories about the sport. But I want it all and I don’t have a lot of time. What I get though, is two funny motherfuckers flying through highlights just so they can hurry and get to a ten minute segment about how Athlete A sent mean tweets to Athlete B. I shit you not, I forget which show I was watching but they once spent fifteen minutes discussing Tim Tebow being seen throwing a football into a garbage can. And don’t get me started on the scandals involving Tiger, Kobe or anyone else with a tricky dick. That’s all these ass clowns cared to talk about not just for weeks but for months. Hey assholes, there were games last night, I’d like a fucking recap, please! ESPN has become the Fox News or MSNBC of sports programming. It’s all opinion and bullshit from people who seemingly have about as much actual knowledge as a dog turd.
Now there are people on ESPN who know their shit but they are becoming few and far between and are generally overshadowed by the loudmouthed dickbags who have to shout and soak up all the airtime. Maybe I’ll make a list of the biggest dickbags on ESPN but that will be at a later date.
Moving past ESPN, we have the magazines and websites. Some of the leaders out there are Bleacher Report, SB Nation, DeadSpin, Sports Illustrated, NBC Sports, FanSided, Sporting News, Yahoo! Sports, Fox Sports and Rant Sports. There are many more but these seem to be the sites with the most traffic and biggest social media presence.
These magazines and websites take the whole TMZ aspect of sports media even further. I can’t tell you how many times per day I want to punch my monitor for displaying so much bullshit in my news feed. Let me list some recent headlines to paint a better picture:
“Joel Embiid’s pursuit of Kim Kardashian via Twitter hasn’t stopped now that he learned she’s married”
“Cardinals Fan Drops Beer On Fans Below”
“A Bride Whose Father Passed Away Walks Down the Aisle with Miami Hurricanes Mascot”
“Rob Ryan Carrying 3 Pizzas and a Stuffed Animal in Airport”
“Pouty Husband Sends Wife Spreadsheet Detailing Sex-Life Dissatisfaction”
“Derek Holland And The Rangers Play A Game Called “Fart Bottle Roulette””
“Tiger Woods is cursing, throwing clubs, and ready to leave the British Open”
“Finding the best 1980’s NFL quarterback based on rap lyrics”
“Zach McAllister Channels His Inner Carly Rae Jepsen on Extremely Wild Pitch”
“Joel Embiid Is Really Good At Twitter – Let’s Not Ruin This”
“Tour de France rider has diarrhea, uses fan’s roadside RV”
“Here’s a giant, inflatable colon outside a Triple A ballpark”
“What Are New York City’s Most Popular Dog Names?”
“Kentucky man gets arrested, orders 5 pizzas to police station”
“Dwyane Wade replaces LeBron James with this alley-ooping dolphin”
Jesus, some of those don’t even have anything to do with sports.
Anyway, this is the type of shit sports sites are promoting and putting out. Real sports news is secondary. Maybe it’s because no one really cares anymore about sports. Yes, they watch them and they buy the merchandise and go to games but people seem to be more into the celebrity aspect of sports. And if it isn’t that, they’re so focused on fantasy sports that they aren’t fans of the game in the same way they used to be. Also, with a lot more women becoming sports fans in the last few decades, some of this stuff has to cater to what they want. Since, tabloids and TMZ are generally absorbed by women, sports media jumps on that bandwagon.
Expanding their product to fit a larger demographic, many sports media outlets have become these gossipy bullshit beasts. I’m sorry but I want good sports journalism and coverage, not gossip and fashion posts. On television I want highlights and insight, not assholes screaming over one another about whether or not gays belong in sports – they do. I also don’t need a bunch of dickbags telling me that I don’t understand x, y and z because I’ve never been in a locker room and experienced that culture. Fuck you, I’ve been in a locker room and fuck you, your bullshit argument holds no weight. Frankly, I’m just tired of know-it-all motherfuckers who really don’t know shit. They get paid to waste my time and would be better suited hosting Entertainment Tonight. An epileptic cat that only understands French could give better analysis and insight than most of these clowns.
Men today seem to be eating this shit up. The pussification and emasculation of the American male has crossed over into the sports world and they don’t seem to notice. Yes, I have friends I’ve talked to who see these trends and, like me, have pretty much stopped watching this nonsense. The problem though, is that there aren’t alternatives, as this sports tabloid programming has now become the norm. We’re basically forced to watch it or nothing at all.
Man the fuck up, sports media.