That Alpha Male Stuff Is Bullshit

*The Bullshit Series started on an older blog but I wanted to bring these articles back here, as I have new installments for the series that I want to release over time. The series focuses on things that I think are bullshit… like filet mignon, Zubaz pants, the Pro Bowl and diets.

*Written in 2014.

Many men seem to subscribe to this bullshit ideal that there are alpha males among us. Many envision themselves as the alpha male and thus, adopt the traits and qualities that they think they’re supposed to exude as a pack leader. Many women buy into and perpetuate this myth, only uncrossing their legs for the alpha badass. I’m not sure how this myth has existed for so long amongst human beings but it has. In fact, I believed it until recently, only because I guess I never really questioned it and took the rhetoric for face value. I also never really put much thought into it until coming across several guys taking this shit to heart a little too much.

To start, the whole ideal that there are alpha males in wolf packs was old shitty science. In the last several decades, this has been debunked, as scientists have learned that this classification was incorrect. More studies in wolves and their behavior has led to the realization that wolf packs or families pretty much exist like human families: the male impregnates a female, the female has babies and mom and dad are the natural boss – each fulfilling specific pack roles. Internationally recognized wolf expert, Dr. David L. Mech, who wrote one of the most famous books on alpha wolves in 1970, even debunks the bad alpha male science (see here).

Even if new science didn’t debunk previous beliefs in animal behavior, why would people want to resort to what they claim is their animalistic tendencies? We are the rulers of the planet because we have evolved past being primal beasts biting each others’ faces off and taking whatever pretty polly we see fit for the taking. If you’re claiming to embrace your animal side, are you also going to live naked in caves and eat small woodland creatures you kill with your teeth? If you’re a hardcore fucking alpha male, embrace the whole thing! Don’t cherry pick like a beta bitch!

So why do so many guys embrace this and so many women buy into it?

It’s a marketing gimmick by that pick-up artist crowd to sell books and programs. Yes I kind of blasted those guys last week but I’m really not done. In regards to this alpha bullshit, they sell themselves as these alpha badasses to their “beta” audience in an effort to make money and sell a scam based on bad science and the dynamics of a totally different mammalian species. If they are alphas in that they prey on the weak, then they are correct. However, preying on the gullible and desperate isn’t badass, it’s kind of sad and it also pisses me off. The high school jock who backfists the handicapped kid for his lunch money isn’t an alpha anything, he’s just a douchebag asshole.

What happens here, is that men who are bad at attracting women or not successful in other areas, latch on to other guys who seem like they got their shit together. Pick-up artists selling their secret and mysterious formulas move in and the desperate dudes who need real advice and direction buy the shit up like hotcakes. In the end, most of them still never succeed. But enough with rehashing points from my last article on the subject of pick-up artists.

The thing is, they are buying bad advice from charlatans. The alpha male thing is bullshit in the wild and it is certainly bullshit in humans. Yes, there are guys who are better at certain skills than others but there’s a trade off there. I’m really good at graphic design and writing but I suck at carpentry. Does my cousin who is an awesome carpenter, have more alpha juice than me with his skill? Or do I have more alpha juice than him because I am a better graphic designer and writer? Picking up women is just another skill set. It doesn’t make you alpha anything or better than someone else.

Does bullying weaker dudes to do your bidding make you an alpha male? No, you’re just a bully and a dick. The guys getting bullied aren’t beta males either, they’re just victims if they put up with your shit. Frankly, they should punch you in the face. Perceiving them as betas is bullshit because there will certainly be some skill that they are more versed in than the self-proclaimed alpha bully.

Now one could be quantifying certain skills as alpha skills and others as not. That’s just semantics and asinine. If one were to make a list of multiple alpha skills, no one would be good at all of it. Additionally, none of us would all agree on what is an alpha skill and what isn’t, it’s all subjective. But lets say we can come up with a list that everyone agrees upon. Some guys will excel at certain things and fall short in others. All of our results would be different. Some would be good at macking on chicks, others would be good at weightlifting, some would be good at racing cars, others would be good at building nunchucks.

This alpha male crap only exists because too many men have fallen victim to the ideal. If you buy into this bullshit societal framework or hierarchy of masculinity, you are feeding the machine. You’re giving the dudes selling you on this shit, more fuel to be the alpha shitcocks that they are, as you bow to their words and lessons like the obedient beta bitch persona they’ve created for you. While trying to learn your way out of something that didn’t exist in the first place, you are only reinforcing its hold on you.

You may not be the best at getting chicks but you’re probably the best at something else. I get it though, you want the pussy but life isn’t fair. I’m not saying this to beat you down or to make you just give up the fight and the effort. I’m saying this because if you buy into this alpha male garbage, you need to hear it. There is no magic pill I have to fix your situation. There is no magic pill, period.

What you need to do, as hard as it may be, is to get out there and try. Talking to women is hard, I get it. However, the more you do it, the easier it gets. Rejection also sucks but it will happen, even to the greatest overly charismatic alpha male pick-up artists out there. It goes back to the old adage that you can’t make an omelet without breaking some eggs. Well, you have to break the eggs.

And maybe learn how to fight if you don’t know how. Because if someone wants to start some shit, you should stand up for yourself and kick their cock up into their throat.

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