Video Game Review: Heavy Rain (PlayStation 3)

Critics loved this game. So did just about everybody I came across in message boards. I figured that I was the only person that was not a fan of it. That is, until I talked to a couple co-workers and friends who also didn’t like it. One of them, however, got really fussy when he found out that the majority of us weren’t too keen on Heavy Rain.

I got a couple hours into the game and I was just annoyed, frustrated and didn’t really give a shit about playing it for another second.

Is it a new experience, as many have said? Yes. But new experiences don’t mean good experiences and frankly, I think a lot of people fanboyed out all over the game because of how it was marketing and how it was sold as “groundbreaking” and “innovative”. It is both of those things but not in a way that I found worthwhile.

The game is just tedious as hell. You walk around your house, shave, take a shower, watch your kid do his homework, microwave him his dinner, hunt down his teddy bear… real exciting stuff. You have to do this crap though. It’s boring as hell and I don’t need a video game to walk around doing mundane shit. Hell, my own life is more exciting than this game. I did get to the part where I’m a private eye and then the part where I’m investigating a murder but none of it peaked my interest. Games are supposed to be a fun escape from reality, this was the complete opposite. I wanted to turn it off and escape the game by paying attention to reality.

I’ve heard the story for this game is great. Well, where the hell is it? I played a few hours and all I did was talk to a hooker and microwave some chicken. And why do I have to check my thoughts all the time? My real thoughts told me, “Turn this fucking thing off, now! NOW! NOW!!!” And then I did and I microwaved my own damn chicken, which I was able to actually eat and not share with some ungrateful shitty kid who can’t get over his dead brother.

I’m glad I didn’t pay full price for this back when it came out. I got it for like ten bucks on Amazon. I still feel like I was robbed. I wanted something with a noir vibe but this is just a depressing mess about mundane tasks and wasting a bunch of time. Because of this game, I now take antidepressants.

The graphics are good and impressive. But that’s about all I got positive to say about this overrated turkey sandwich.

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