Talking Pulp: 100 Films That the New MST3K Should Feature

mst3k-2017With Mystery Science Theater 3000 returning this year, I thought that it would be cool to compile a list of films that they should consider riffing. There were many great/bad films that they missed over the course of their eleven years of existence from 1988-to-1999. There are also several films that have come out since the show ended that deserve to be riffed.

The show is returning this year thanks to the fans on Kickstarter and the people who make the big decisions at Netflix – its new home. Hopefully the enthusiasm and excitement gives us several more seasons of the fantastic show.

I certainly don’t expect MST3K to cover all of these one-hundred films in a season, although that would be the most amazing season of any television show ever. I’m assuming it will stick around for awhile, so I wanted to provide a big enough list to give us something to hope for in the long-term.

Also, not all of these are necessarily bad movies, as the show sometimes featured stuff that wasn’t awful. But these are movies that fit the vibe of the show, in some way, while providing a lot of things to poke fun at.

Now before someone pipes up and says something about (insert movie title here) would cost too much to acquire the rights to, just know that this is why I listed so many options. Also, Netflix has a lot of money, so maybe some of those films that MST3K couldn’t afford before, might be more affordable now.

And if someone says (insert movie title here) is too violent or has boobies, well… the show is on Netflix now. So down with those fascists at the FCC and the butt hurt advertisers!

And I did all of this without bringing up Showgirls! Okay, I just did… but that was to make a point. But I don’t even want to sit through a riffed version of that movie.

So without further ado, here are one-hundred films I would like to see featured on MST3K. These are really in no particular order, even though they are numbered. That’s more for a reference point and so that I, the author, don’t miscount.

And please, feel free to discuss in the comments.

1. The Giant Claw (1957)
2. The Room (2003)
3. Troll 2 (1990)
4. Howard the Duck (1986)
5. Plan 9 From Outer Space (1959)
6. Gamera: Super Monster (1980)
7. Starcrash (1979)
8. The Thing With Two Heads (1972)
9. Battlefield Earth (2000)
10. Munchies (1987)
11. Bela Lugosi Meets A Brooklyn Gorilla (1952)
12. Mysterious Island (1961)
13. Kazaam (1996)
14. Hercules In New York (1969)
15. Mac and Me (1988)
16. The Wicker Man (2006)
17. Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2010)
18. Captain America (1990)
19. Empire of the Ants (1977)
20. Hanuman and the Five Riders (1975)
21. The Vulture (1966)
22. Piranha II: The Spawning (1981)
23. Mosquito (1995)
24. Critters 3 (1991)
25. Beast From Haunted Cave (1959)
26. Jesse James Meets Frankenstein’s Daughter (1966)
27. Creature From the Haunted Sea (1961)
28. Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker (1991)
29. Ape (1976)
30. Deadly Prey (1987)
31. Buffalo Rider (1978)
32. Leonard Part 6 (1987)
33. Steel (1997)
34. The Satanic Rites of Dracula (1973)
35. Fantastic Four (1994)
36. Matango a.k.a. Attack of the Mushroom People (1963)
37. Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny (1972)
38. Dr. Goldfoot and the Girl Bombs (1966)
39. No Holds Barred (1989)
40. The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (1987)
41. Super Robot Mach Baron (1975)
42. Carnosaur 3: Primal Species (1996)
43. Blood Freak (1972)
44. Orgy of the Dead (1965)
45. Masters of the Universe (1987)
46. Reptilicus (1961)
47. Barb Wire (1996)
48. Konga (1961)
49. Arena (1989)
50. The Demolitionist (1995)
51. Yonggary (1999)
52. Game of Death II (1981)
53. Prison Ship a.k.a. Star Slammer (1986)
54. It’s Pat (1994)
55. The Super Inframan (1975)
56. Yor: The Hunter from the Future (1983)
57. The X From Outer Space (1967)
58. Uncle Sam (1996)
59. Space Warriors 2000 (1985)
60. Death Bed: The Bed That Eats (1977)
61. Queen of Outer Space (1958)
62. Saturn 3 (1980)
63. Starship Invasions (1977)
64. Simon Sez (1999)
65. The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires (1974)
66. Son of the Mask (2005)
67. Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf (1985)
68. The Bride and the Beast (1958)
69. Tentacles (1977)
70. Sleepwalkers (1992)
71. House II: The Second Story (1987)
72. Frankenstein’s Daughter (1958)
73. Killdozer (1974)
74. Space Rage (1985)
75. Frankenstein Conquers the World (1965)
76. Maximum Overdrive (1986)
77. The Crippled Masters (1979)
78. Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace (1996)
79. Night of the Lepus (1972)
80. Gymkata (1985)
81. Leprechaun In the Hood (2000)
82. Man’s Best Friend (1993)
83. They Saved Hitler’s Brain (1968)
84. Chopping Mall (1986)
85. Curse of Bigfoot a.k.a. Teenagers Battle the Thing (1975)
86. Space Raiders a.k.a. Star Child (1983)
87. Cosmos: War of the Planets (1977)
88. TerrorVision (1986)
89. Voyage to the Prehistoric Planet (1965)
90. Piñata: Survival Island (2002)
91. The Stuff (1985)
92. Warning From Space (1956)
93. Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold (1987)
94. Psychomania a.k.a. The Death Wheelers (1973)
95. Zombie Lake (1981)
96. Jaws 3-D (1983)
97. Gappa: The Triphibian Monster (1967)
98. The Wraith (1986)
99. Space-Men a.k.a. Assignment: Outer Space (1960)
100. Rock ‘n’ Roll High School Forever (1991)

50 Honorable Mentions:

-Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone (1983)
-Surf Ninjas (1993)
-Frogs (1972)
-The Brain Eaters (1958)
-Frankenstein Unbound (1990)
-Danger on Tiki Island a.k.a. Brides of Blood (1968)
-The Apple (1980)
-Basket Case 3: The Progeny (1991)
-Bog (1979)
-Glen or Glenda (1953)
-The Birds II: Land’s End (1994)
-The Magic Sword (1962)
-Night of the Comet (1984)
-C.C. & Company (1970)
-Ghost of Dragstrip Hollow (1959)
-Miami Connection (1987)
-The Uncanny (1977)
-If Looks Could Kill (1991)
-The Neanderthal Man (1953)
-Deadly Invasion: The Killer Bee Nightmare (1995)
-Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn (1983)
-Chairman of the Board (1998)
-Wild Guitar (1962)
-Monstroid (1980)
-Switchblade Sisters (1975)
-Heartbeeps (1981)
-Kull the Conqueror (1997)
-Spawn of the Slithis (1978)
-Alligator II: The Mutation (1991)
-The Terror of Tiny Town (1938)
-Never Too Young to Die (1986)
-Tank Girl (1995)
-Robo Vampire (1988)
-Scream and Scream Again (1970)
-Solarbabies (1986)
-Sssssss (1973)
-Samurai Cop (1991)
-Hot to Trot (1988)
-Tarantulas: The Deadly Cargo (1977)
-Tarzan the Ape Man (1981)
-Beastmaster 2: Through the Portal of Time (1991)
-The Fastest Guitar Alive (1967)
-Die Hard Dracula (1998)
-Return to Horror High (1987)
-The Nasty Rabbit (1964)
-Dream a Little Dream 2 (1995)
-Chopper Chicks in Zombietown (1989)
-The 72 Desperate Rebels (1978)
-Abraxas, Guardian of the Universe (1990)
-Mazes and Monsters (1982)

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