Film Review: Werewolf (1996)

Also known as: Arizona Werewolf
Release Date: January 21st, 1996
Directed by: Tony Zarrindast
Written by: Brad Hornacher, Tony Zarrindast
Music by: Keith Bilderbeck
Cast: Jorge Rivero, Richard Lynch, Federico Cavalli, Adrianna Miles, Joe Estevez

Tozart Publishing, A-Pix Entertainment, 99 Minutes

werewolf-1996Review:

This film has a 1.6 rating on IMDb! 1.6! Well, with a tagline like “Rest In… Beast”, you can expect something pretty amazing.

Werewolf is just baffling. It is impressive how bad it is.

The film starts with a group of archaeologists punching each other. They discover a weird skeleton, which the Native Americans on the team immediately recognize as a werewolf. The archaeologists take it to their lab. One of them gets infected by it and turns into a werewolf in his hospital bed. He is then quickly mowed down by the Native Americans, showing the audience how weak and pathetic the monsters are. Then a douchey archaeologist deliberately infects people to see what happens. The main character gets infected, chaos ensues, douchebag dude gets killed and then I don’t remember what happens because my brain quit working and I blacked out for seven hours due to the effects of this picture.

Almost every character in this film has an unplaceable accent. The way almost everyone says “werewolf” is hilarious. This is an American film yet it is directed by an Iranian and has a cast of people from what is probably a myriad of foreign countries. And then there is Joe Estevez, the pretty much unknown brother of Martin Sheen and uncle to Charlie Sheen and Emilio Estevez.

The one thing that really sticks out in this film is the audio. It is the worst audio recording and mixing that I have ever heard in any film… ever. The volume level changes between different people talking; it sounds tinny and grainy. It’s like they were using different types of mics all hooked up by different people in their own way, most of whom never handled audio before.

The werewolf effects were the worst I’ve ever seen. Sometimes it is just bad makeup, sometimes it looks like a cheap Halloween mask repurposed to be a hand puppet, other times it is just some dude crawling around on his knees with hair glued to his face. None of it is consistent and all of it is laughable.

The acting is heinous, the plot is boring and stupid and the action sequences may be the worst thing about the movie. The final showdown between the main character werewolf and the douchebag who made him that way is horrendously executed. I feel like they were just playing around practicing the shots, just trying to annoy the director. It was like they took a couple fistfuls of downers and then lethargically rolled around trying not to giggle. Yet, it made it in the film.

Werewolf is the kind of shit where it has to be seen to be believed. I’ve had drunken dreams more coherent than this film. But like many of the bad films I have reviewed, there is also a version of this that can be enjoyed thanks to Mystery Science Theater 3000. If you are going to watch this picture, you should definitely watch the MST3k version. It is actually one of their best episodes.

Rating: 1/10

2 thoughts on “Film Review: Werewolf (1996)

  1. Oh, no! We terrible movie buffs LIVE FOR UNCLE JOE! It’s like seeing an old familiar friend. Will Uncle Joe be “Mumbly Uncle Joe” like he was in “Rollergator?” Will he be great like he was in that movie about a haunted/weird apartment that I can’t remember? Who knows? It’s like seeing the Three Stooges do a cameo–you don’t really care how stupid the movie is, you just enjoy their performance!

    Like

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